{"id":30788,"date":"2022-09-10T15:04:34","date_gmt":"2022-09-10T20:04:34","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.biblia.work\/sermons\/5-ways-to-knit-single-adults-into-the-church-community\/"},"modified":"2022-09-10T15:04:34","modified_gmt":"2022-09-10T20:04:34","slug":"5-ways-to-knit-single-adults-into-the-church-community","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.biblia.work\/sermons\/5-ways-to-knit-single-adults-into-the-church-community\/","title":{"rendered":"5 Ways to Knit Single Adults into the Church Community"},"content":{"rendered":"
Brooke Cagle photo – Unsplash <\/p>\n

Encourage and affirm the single adults in the church to make the most of this season in their lives by devoting themselves to the types of service for which they are uniquely gifted.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Rob Collingsworth<\/em> <\/p>\n

My best friend is single. He’s an amazing, godly guy who, Lord willing, will make an incredible husband and father someday. He and I lived together up until I got married just over five years ago. And he stayed with my wife and me for about a month in our first year of marriage when he was renovating his house.  <\/p>\n

One thing I’ve realized more acutely in these last five years is that, while my wife and I have a built-in “person” in each other, he doesn’t have that. Now, there are plenty of evenings when we eat dinner while watching a TV show. So it’s not like it’s always an occasion for deep discussion. But as my friend has shared some of his challenges with singleness, this lack of built-in community\u2014the person or people we come home to daily\u2014has come up as a significant factor.<\/p>\n

My wife and I discussed this early in our marriage, specifically regarding how to make him feel included and invited. We gave him a key to our house and his own alarm code. We told him he could come over any time he wanted\u2014but he’s never come over unannounced. I\u2019ll text him on a random afternoon and ask if he has dinner plans. If he’s available, he\u2019ll come. Occasionally, he’ll text and ask what we’re doing\u2014a clue I\u2019ve learned to pick up on. Less frequently, he\u2019ll just tell us he needs to be around people and ask if he can crash dinner.<\/p>\n

Searching for community<\/strong><\/h3>\n

But the point is, we all need community. And, understandably, those who are married can forget what it’s like to prep dinner for one over and over again. Or we forget what it’s like to not have the built-in “person” to vent to about our days. Once we\u2019re married, it\u2019s understandable that we have convenient amnesia about what it\u2019s like to be \u2026 alone.<\/p>\n

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Thankfully, the church can provide the community we all need and long for\u2014and not just for single adults in the church. But unfortunately, many single people in our churches feel relegated to the singles ministry (if there even is one). Others feel most of the teaching or ministry of the church is aimed toward married people. Perhaps the thing I\u2019ve heard most frequently is that they\u2019re seen as incomplete without a spouse, and they unwillingly become a \u201cproject\u201d for married people trying to set them up. If you\u2019re in church leadership, you\u2019ve almost certainly heard one or all of these experiences before.<\/p>\n

In that vein, here are a few encouragements to help you, and those you lead, love and minister to single adults in the church.<\/p>\n

1. Affirm where they are instead of where they might be<\/strong><\/h3>\n

The truth is, not every single person who desires to be married ever gets married. It\u2019s ultimately more harmful than helpful to assure them \u201cIt\u2019s right around the corner\u201d or \u201cGod has someone special for you.\u201d Especially as singles get into their 30s and 40s, these assurances can ring hollow and push them away from the church.<\/p>\n

Instead of promising singles that they'll get married, something we can\u2019t know or guarantee, validate their giftings and calling where they are. \u2014 @rcollingsworth Click To Tweet <\/p>\n

Instead of promising them something we can\u2019t know or guarantee, validate their giftings and calling where they are. Invite them to serve the church in ways that are appropriate, meaningful, and biblical\u2014as you would do with anyone. Let them know they\u2019re just as valuable and needed as married people.<\/p>\n

2.<\/strong> Ask before you offer<\/strong><\/h3>\n

It\u2019s entirely likely some of the single people you serve might want to be set up with your single friend. But just because someone wants to get married one day doesn\u2019t mean they want to be set up on a blind date\u2014now, or ever. <\/p>\n

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See also  8 Ways to Persevere in Ministry<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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Recently, I asked some of the single women in our home group whether they were interested in meeting someone I thought might be a good fit. One of them gave an unqualified yes. Another expressed reticence related to the exhaustion and disappointment that can result from these things not working out. Be aware of these dynamics, and ask before you assume what they want or need.<\/p>\n

3. Maintain an open door<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Programs at church can be great, but they\u2019re never a substitute for authentic relationships. As a leader or pastor, make it a habit to invite people over for no reason other than to hang out. If you\u2019re married, you may be tempted to mostly (or exclusively) hang out with other married couples. Be intentional to include single people in the mix, whether on their own or in addition to the other people you\u2019re welcoming into your home.<\/p>\n

Your preaching or the house worship band won\u2019t be the thing that will keep single adults in the church, but the relationships they\u2019ve forged in unplanned moments will. \u2014 @rcollingsworth Click To Tweet <\/p>\n

Chances are, you’ve got a single person (or people) in your life who are aching for more community than they have. So next time you’re making chili, or spaghetti, or steak, or ordering pizza, text or call and ask if they want in. It costs us very little to include them in something like that. But I’m increasingly convinced it means the world to them. Your preaching or the house worship band won\u2019t be the thing that will keep single adults in the church, but the relationships they\u2019ve forged in unplanned moments will.<\/p>\n

4. Steer clear of easy fixes<\/strong><\/h3>\n

For the single people in your life who want to be married, singleness can, and often does, present unique challenges. When someone opens up to you about this, sometimes the best response is just to sit with them and help bear that burden. <\/p>\n

Too often we retreat to advice or platitudes that, more often than not, do more harm than good. Sometimes the deep ache of loneliness or the fear of never getting married and having a family doesn\u2019t need to be solved or placated\u2014but merely grieved in community. Be a safe person, and don\u2019t try to fix what you can\u2019t.<\/p>\n

5. Remember the ideal<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Marriage is wonderful in so many ways. But there\u2019s a reason Paul encourages the unmarried to \u201cremain as I am\u201d (1 Corinthians 7:8, CSB). Too often, we see marriage as the ultimate state, and we tend to take pity on those who aren\u2019t married. But in terms of priorities and concerns, Paul makes clear there\u2019s a spiritual advantage to singleness.<\/p>\n

Too often, we see marriage as the ultimate state, but in terms of priorities and concerns, Paul makes clear there\u2019s a spiritual advantage to singleness. \u2014 @rcollingsworth Click To Tweet <\/p>\n

Encourage and affirm the single people in your church to make the most of this season in their lives\u2014however long it may last\u2014by devoting themselves to the kind of service for which they are uniquely gifted. Perhaps they would feel more welcomed and affirmed to lead out in service if we flipped the script in our churches and deferred to single people the way Paul did.<\/p>\n

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Rob Collingsworth<\/h2>\n

@rcollingsworth<\/p>\n

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Rob is the director of external relations at Criswell College.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n