{"id":30795,"date":"2022-09-10T15:04:49","date_gmt":"2022-09-10T20:04:49","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.biblia.work\/sermons\/how-can-pastors-build-healthy-church-relationships\/"},"modified":"2022-09-10T15:04:49","modified_gmt":"2022-09-10T20:04:49","slug":"how-can-pastors-build-healthy-church-relationships","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.biblia.work\/sermons\/how-can-pastors-build-healthy-church-relationships\/","title":{"rendered":"How Can Pastors Build Healthy Church Relationships?"},"content":{"rendered":"
youssef naddam photo – Unsplash <\/p>\n

Gratitude may be the greatest secret of pastors with healthy church relationships, allowing them to treat people with love and forbearance.<\/strong><\/p>\n

By Ronnie Martin<\/em> <\/p>\n

I have no idea where it came from.<\/p>\n

But one of the clich\u00e9s I\u2019ve heard over the years is pastors should never befriend people in their congregations. My immediate reaction to that was, \u201cGreat, so now you\u2019re saying I can\u2019t have any <\/em>friends?\u201d My second reaction was, \u201cThis sounds like really bad advice\u2014and not very biblical either, which kind of makes it \u2026 well \u2026 not great.\u201d I mean, I\u2019ve never been the smartest pastor in the room, but a cursory reading of the Gospels doesn\u2019t show Jesus getting tight with an alternate friend group in between healing the sick and casting out demons with His disciples.<\/p>\n

More than anything, the word \u201ctension\u201d comes to mind when I think about healthy church relationships. And that\u2019s because it\u2019s hard to create a sense of equity in what\u2019s a very unique relationship.<\/p>\n

First off, we\u2019re pastors. <\/em>We\u2019re the ones people approach to reveal their secrets, share their pain, confess their sins, and be incredibly vulnerable with. That\u2019s a lot for them to relinquish to us and a lot for us to receive.<\/p>\n

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The other tension is authority. <\/em>God gives pastors a spiritual authority with our people. But this authority can make them feel like they can never relax, have to keep their guard up, and are being judged whenever they\u2019re around us\u2014whether it\u2019s true or not.<\/p>\n

As I was reflecting on this, the word “expectations” kept coming to my mind. It\u2019s a tricky business\u2014this whole expectations <\/em>thing. But there are two things we can communicate that will, at the least, help us move toward healthy church relationships.<\/p>\n

You are a human being<\/strong> <\/h3>\n

It should go without saying, but unfortunately, it cannot. You need to remind people you pastor you\u2019re a human with a heartbeat just like them, which means you come with a lot of limitations \u2026 just like them. Listen, you\u2019re not avoiding your people, failing to do your job, or being an uncaring pastor when you place limitations on the kind of interactions you have with them.<\/p>\n

You\u2019re not avoiding your people, failing to do your job, or being an uncaring pastor when you place limitations on the kind of interactions you have with them. \u2014 @ronniejmartin Click To Tweet <\/p>\n

It\u2019s important for them to know this so they get a better sense of how they can care for you. <\/em>It\u2019s humbling to let your people know you\u2019re a person and not an employee for them to micro-manage. The relationship between congregation and pastor will never flourish if people forget their under-shepherd isn’t the Chief Shepherd.<\/p>\n

Not only that, but reminding people you\u2019re human is another opportunity to teach them what God calls pastors to do. Eugene Peterson says it like this:<\/p>\n

If I vainly crowd my day with conspicuous activity or let others fill my day with imperious demands, I don\u2019t have time to do my proper work, the work to which I have been called. How can I lead people into the quiet place beside the still waters if I am in perpetual motion? How can I persuade a person to live by faith and not by works if I\u2019m constantly juggling my schedule to make everything fit into place? If there is no time to nurture these essentials, I become a busy pastor, harassed and anxious, a whining, compulsive Martha instead of a contemplative Mary.<\/p>\n

Eugene Peterson, <\/em>The Contemplative Pastor<\/em> <\/p>\n

When people allow their pastor to be a human being who nurtures the essentials, they\u2019ll accept the limitations necessary for these essentials to remain, well, \u201cessential.\u201d In exchange, they’ll receive a heart that’s being nurtured by Christ for the essential care of their own souls. And this leads to the second expectation you can communicate, which is slightly more fun than the first.<\/p>\n

You have a heart for them<\/strong><\/h3>\n

When people are aware and accepting of their pastors’ limitations, pastors can love them in a deeper, more meaningful way. Why\u2019s that? Well, when they know they\u2019re loved by someone who shares their struggles, understands their sufferings, and knows their sorrows, they can receive those things with a greater sense of gratitude. And gratitude might be the greatest secret toward pastors having healthy church relationships because it allows them to treat people with risk-taking love <\/em>and humble-hearted forbearance.<\/em><\/p>\n

When people are aware and accepting of their pastors' limitations, pastors can love them in a deeper, more meaningful way. \u2014 @ronniejmartin Click To Tweet <\/p>\n

Risk-taking love<\/h4>\n

This love comes soaked in gospel resilience, reminding us we can be our true selves because our identities have been secured on the cross. It means we can lose our desires for control and replace it with love. We can sacrifice our tendencies toward suspicion of others and choose to willingly serve them.<\/p>\n

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Of course, being our true selves in Jesus doesn\u2019t mean we throw discernment out the window. There will always be things we should wisely reveal and things we should wisely conceal. But risk-taking love means we\u2019re willing to deny ourselves anonymity for the sake of knowing our people and being known by them. And we know what we\u2019re getting in exchange, too. They’ll hurt us. We\u2019ll disappoint them. They\u2019ll crush us at times. We won\u2019t meet their expectations at times. But Christ’s love for us compels us to move closer. And with that closeness comes the gift of being loved in return with Christlike love.<\/p>\n

Humble-hearted forbearance<\/h4>\n

For risk-taking love to be more than a light that shines too brightly before burning out, we have to marry that love with humble-hearted forbearance. Practically, this means we understand our people by admitting how much we don\u2019t understand. Their anger, unmet expectations, and disillusionment are usually not about us but about something or someone (and maybe another pastor) from their past that has gone undealt with. So, pastors who step into relationships armed with grace are pastors who see people through the forbearing eyes of Jesus. And His eyes always turn toward us despite our turning away from Him.<\/p>\n

Pastors who step into relationships armed with grace are pastors who see people through the forbearing eyes of Jesus. \u2014 @ronniejmartin Click To Tweet <\/p>\n

“The Lord turned and looked straight at Peter. Then Peter remembered the word the Lord had spoken to him: \u2018Before the rooster crows today, you will disown me three times.\u2019 And he went outside and wept bitterly\u201d (Luke 22:61-62, CSB).<\/p>\n

Jesus could have said, \u201cI am so <\/em>done with you, Peter.\u201d But Jesus turns <\/em>and looks at Peter. Don\u2019t miss the turn<\/em>. This was humble-hearted forbearance. Jesus knew Peter. And He knew in a few days He would be cooking breakfast on the shore for him, and Peter would be reassured his love for Jesus was still true. The forgiveness with which Jesus turned toward Peter is the same forgiveness we have to turn toward others with. And this is how we can have relationships with our people that don\u2019t end in hurt feelings and bad blood. But when they do, and the story of Judas reminds us that sometimes they do, we have more grace.<\/p>\n

So let your people know you\u2019re human. Let them know you have a human heart full of love and forbearance to give them, because in Christ, it is what you have to give.<\/p>\n

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Ronnie Martin<\/h2>\n

@ronniejmartin<\/p>\n

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Ronnie is the planter and founding pastor of Substance Church in Ashland, Ohio.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n