{"id":31202,"date":"2022-09-10T15:21:00","date_gmt":"2022-09-10T20:21:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.biblia.work\/sermons\/8-reasons-pastors-resist-going-to-counseling\/"},"modified":"2022-09-10T15:21:00","modified_gmt":"2022-09-10T20:21:00","slug":"8-reasons-pastors-resist-going-to-counseling","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.biblia.work\/sermons\/8-reasons-pastors-resist-going-to-counseling\/","title":{"rendered":"8 Reasons Pastors Resist Going to Counseling"},"content":{"rendered":"
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By Ramon Presson<\/em><\/p>\n

The late humorist Lewis Grizzard wrote, \u201cI think being a pastor would be easy. After all, you only have to work one day a week. And all you have to do then is give a speech. Plus, they give you a big ole book for all your material.\u201d<\/p>\n

Oh, if only pastoring were that easy.<\/p>\n

No one has to tell a pastor how working in ministry can be both satisfying and stressful\u2014meaningful and maddening. It brings the highest of highs and the lowest of lows, often in the same day.<\/p>\n

The pastoral storms of feeling overwhelmed and defeated were raging long before COVID-19 hit us and changed everything suddenly and dramatically.<\/p>\n

Pastors are concerned about their anxious flocks\u2014the health scares, job insecurity, and financial instability among their congregations.<\/p>\n

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At the same time, pastors are scrambling to figure out how to deliver sermons, continue ministries, create a sense of community, and mitigate financial shortfalls.<\/p>\n

Those sudden and drastic pivots, the feelings of loss, and the feeling of helplessness to stop the losses can combine to drain the morale of a pastor and staff.<\/p>\n

And if you consider our politically divisive and socially volatile landscape, I can\u2019t think of a period during my lifetime when it’s been more difficult to be a Christian leader\u2014particularly a pastor\u2014than right now.<\/p>\n

And none of this even includes any unrelated personal, marital, or family issues pastors might be dealing with.<\/p>\n

The Resistance to Getting Help<\/strong><\/h3>\n

The need has likely never been greater for pastors to have a trusted counselor; and yet so many pastors will resist getting that help.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve worn the hat as both the pastor and the professional counselor. I\u2019ve served as an assistant pastor in several churches. I\u2019ve also been a professional marriage and family therapist for three decades.<\/p>\n

Here are eight obstacles to pastors seeking and getting needed support and guidance from professional counselors.<\/p>\n

1. They\u2019re uncomfortable with the role reversal.<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Pastors are accustomed to being the counselor, not the one being counseled.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ll let almost anyone borrow my car, but I don\u2019t relax in the passenger seat of my car when anyone is driving it.<\/p>\n

Perhaps I\u2019m feeling a loss of control. I honestly don\u2019t feel the need to control other people, but I feel a strong need to be in control of what happens to me.<\/p>\n

For some pastors, being in the passenger\u2019s seat in a counseling office is not only unfamiliar but uncomfortable because it means giving up some measure of control and being vulnerable.<\/p>\n

2. They\u2019re supposed<\/em> to be the experts.<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Pastors are accustomed to giving answers, not asking for them. You\u2019d think a professional counselor would readily recognize the need for his own therapy and promptly schedule an appointment.<\/p>\n

Many years ago, I delayed getting help for a growing depression because I said to myself, \u201cWell, I already know what the counselor is going to say and tell me to do. I just need to do it.\u201d<\/p>\n

My delay was costly. My family suffered as a result when things became so dark I had to be hospitalized along with taking an extended medical leave.<\/p>\n

3. They\u2019re concerned about confidentiality. <\/strong><\/h3>\n

Many pastors\u2014especially those in smaller towns\u2014worry about confidentiality.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s more than a fear the counselor won\u2019t keep the confessed struggles a secret, but the fear of running into a church member or community member in the waiting room, or just be seen going in the front door of a counseling center can be a real concern for pastors.<\/p>\n

This fear is connected to pastors’ suspicions that their church expects them to be \u201csuper shepherds\u201d\u2014inspiring role models who are a few notches above the average human, not just in talent, but in character, discipline, goodness, and stability.<\/p>\n

4. They distrust psychology. <\/strong><\/h3>\n

Some pastors and ministry leaders seem to have a suspicion about psychology and view it as a humanistic and secular enemy of biblical truth.<\/p>\n

Some even have reservations about Christian counseling.<\/p>\n

5. They over-spiritualize mental health.<\/strong><\/h3>\n

I\u2019ll never forget sitting in stunned disbelief and then fighting off a rush of anger when I heard a pastor say in a sermon, \u201cPeople don\u2019t need counseling; they just need discipleship.\u201d<\/p>\n

I can only imagine how many people in that large congregation who were previously or presently in therapy felt judged in that moment.<\/p>\n

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See also  The Power of the Ordinary Moments<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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Or consider how many people who currently needed therapy, or who would need it in the future, failed to get help because the message they internalized was, \u201cCounseling is a poor substitute for discipleship, and\/or needing counseling is an indication of spiritual weakness.\u201d<\/p>\n

6. They can\u2019t identify the right counselor.<\/strong><\/h3>\n

In the densely populated community where I live and work there are hundreds of trained counselors, psychologists, and psychiatrists.<\/p>\n

For people in our area, the challenge isn\u2019t finding any<\/em> counselor, but finding the right<\/em> counselor.<\/p>\n

7. They have limited accessibility to a trained listener. <\/strong><\/h3>\n

For many pastors who live in rural settings, the availability of experienced professional counselors is often limited.<\/p>\n

Clergy and non-clergy alike often have an hour\u2019s drive or longer to the nearest therapist who’s qualified to address their specific concerns.<\/p>\n

However, as a result of the pandemic, most counselors now offer their services via phone sessions or online video calls. This development greatly expands access to licensed counselors.<\/p>\n

While in-person counseling is always preferable to phone or video sessions, teletherapy is an excellent option when health, schedule, childcare, or travel time presents an obstacle for counseling.<\/p>\n

8. They have limited budgets. <\/strong><\/h3>\n

When it comes to professional counseling, the question of cost always looms.<\/p>\n

While counseling is an investment in your mental and\/or marital health, affordability is an undeniable factor for most people. <\/strong><\/p>\n

REMOVING THE OBSTACLES TO COUNSELING<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Here are some steps to eliminating obstacles (and excuses) for getting the support you need.<\/p>\n

Make your counseling affordable.<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Insurance<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Check to see if your health insurance policy includes mental health benefits. Some counselors accept insurance; many don\u2019t.<\/p>\n

Before making an appointment, make sure the counselor is considered a provider for your insurance company. The counselor will know, and your insurance company will know, so you can ask either one.<\/p>\n

Health savings account <\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Your insurance policy may provide you with a health savings account (HSA) debit card. Most insurance companies will permit you to use it to pay for counseling.<\/p>\n

Most counselors accept the HSA card for payment because it works like any other credit card.<\/p>\n

Sliding fee scales<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Some counselors and counseling groups offer a sliding fee scale based on income or ability to pay.<\/p>\n

Identify a counselor who’s a good fit for you.<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Before identifying the right counselor, it\u2019s good to clarify whether your primary need is for personal counseling or marriage\/family counseling.<\/p>\n

Some counselors are more trained and experienced in counseling with individuals, while some received their specialized training in working with couples. Still others focus their work in family therapy and counsel with parents and children.<\/p>\n

A glossary of terms<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

You might find yourself asking what the different letters mean after a counselor\u2019s name. They indicate the level of education and any additional licensure and certifications.<\/p>\n

Here\u2019s a glossary of terms. Having this information will help you in narrowing your search for counselors who may be a good fit for your needs.<\/p>\n

Internet resources<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

You can see the profiles of area counselors through listings such as psychologytoday.com\/us\/therapists which enables you to type in a city or zip code.<\/p>\n

Other listing sites include GoodTherapy.org and theravive.com<\/p>\n

There are also support ministries available for pastors like Standing Stone Ministries and PastorCare.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ll conclude by recommending you read Chris Maxwell\u2019s brief article about his own initial reluctance, eventual acceptance, and lasting gratitude about getting counseling.<\/p>\n

If you\u2019re a struggling pastor or ministry leader, please stop trying to tough it out. There\u2019s help available.<\/p>\n

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Ramon Presson<\/h2>\n

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Ramon is a licensed marriage and family therapist\u00a0in private practice\u00a0near Nashville, Tennessee. He\u2019s a weekly newspaper columnist and the author of a dozen books, including\u00a0a trilogy of marriage and family titles\u00a0co-authored with Dr. Gary Chapman.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n