{"id":31567,"date":"2022-09-10T15:35:28","date_gmt":"2022-09-10T20:35:28","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.biblia.work\/sermons\/3-things-your-church-misunderstands-about-love\/"},"modified":"2022-09-10T15:35:28","modified_gmt":"2022-09-10T20:35:28","slug":"3-things-your-church-misunderstands-about-love","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.biblia.work\/sermons\/3-things-your-church-misunderstands-about-love\/","title":{"rendered":"3 Things Your Church Misunderstands About Love"},"content":{"rendered":"
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John Jennings photo – Unsplash<\/div>\n

By Jesse Masson<\/em><\/p>\n

Chances are your local supermarket or drugstore has been laden with heart-shaped cards and candies to help convey the message of love from one person to another. Valentine\u2019s Day is upon us and there\u2019s a lot of talk about love.<\/p>\n

We\u2019ve even changed the concept of angels to be pudgy, winged babies\u2014celestial match-makers that control our romantic destiny.<\/p>\n

But there are actual realities of love that don\u2019t make great greeting cards. Such characteristics of love may even be difficult for us to accept. But these are worth talking about long after the holiday.<\/p>\n

As a therapist, I see individuals and couples who have complicated histories and interactions that inform how they define love<\/em>. It\u2019s not as simple as copying and pasting certain passages from Scripture into one\u2019s life. Sin easily entangles our view of righteousness.<\/p>\n

Rarely do I have clients in my office who struggle to understand the concept (head knowledge) of love, but their experiences (heart knowledge) with love have far deeper implications.<\/p>\n

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For example: Someone who has an abusive parent growing up will struggle to make sense of biblical love\u2014not in definition, but in context of relationships. The juxtaposition becomes whether to hold a definition of love that never applied in life, or to hold distorted, life experiences that are the only perception of love.<\/p>\n

This misunderstanding of love applies broadly to all of us\u2014even those in the church.<\/p>\n

As a little boy, I remember my mom telling me, \u201cJesse, your intentions are only as good as they are carried out.\u201d Although she usually referred to my excuses as to why I hadn\u2019t cleaned my room, I have since appreciated its broad application to all areas of my life.<\/p>\n

This phrase can be applied to how Christians, can mar the biblical commands to love one another. Furthermore, the misapplications\u2014even with good intentions\u2014can damage the church (community).<\/p>\n

All the more damaging is when failed intentions to love are present in the local church structure, which can lead to the gravity and depravity of spiritual abuse. Let\u2019s take a look at healthy ways love is not often conveyed so that we can be more intentional to love one another well.<\/p>\n

1. Love is self-caring. <\/strong><\/h3>\n

I would say the ability to love others well is indeed hinged upon the ability to healthily love oneself (rest\/sabbath, learning to say \u201cno,\u201d gird your safety, etc.).<\/p>\n

Too often I hear the (self-deprecating) concern in Christian circles that self-care is actually selfishness. Nothing is farther from the truth! How often does Jesus retreat to be alone, focus on prayer, and rejuvenate His soul?<\/p>\n

Ironically, the ability to love oneself and be self-compassionate is the basis for the second greatest command: to love your neighbor as yourself (Matthew 22:37-39).<\/p>\n

Loving others well can only result when having the boundaries that maintain mutual respect in any relationship.<\/p>\n

You\u2019re not a doormat, nor is love only big enough to choose between you or another person. Sometimes we need to treat ourselves the way we\u2019re expected to treat others.<\/p>\n

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See also  The Group Most Likely to Still Be Missing From Your Church<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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2. Love gets angry.<\/strong><\/h3>\n

That statement probably won\u2019t sit well with some readers. Admittedly, it sounds a little brash as I write it. I commonly hear about Christians feeling torn between feeling hurt or denying their anger in attempt to love (like a \u201cgood\u201d Christian).<\/p>\n

But the truth is this: If we have love, then we simultaneously should be angry toward that which does not convey love. Love doesn\u2019t demand a plastic parade smile at all times. Love is something we demonstrate in a relationship we value.<\/p>\n

When painful elements are neglected or go unprotected we ought to get angry. In fact, righteous anger is always an effort to protect others and preserve biblical and ethical values.<\/p>\n

This is exemplified in the biblical account of Jesus flipping over merchant tables at the temple, because they had desecrated (i.e., not loved) the sanctity of the Lord\u2019s house.<\/p>\n

Avoid flippantly telling someone they shouldn\u2019t be angry the next time you listen to a broken heart. Anger allows one to clearly identify what\u2019s not valued, and thus, to love more deeply.<\/p>\n

3. Love doesn\u2019t forget. <\/strong><\/h3>\n

The old saying of \u201cforgive and forget\u201d isn\u2019t rooted in healthiness for self, or others. Although forgiveness is an aspect of grace Christians are commanded to extend, forgetfulness is not.<\/p>\n

The knee-jerk reaction might be to hail passages like 1 Corinthians 13 (\u201clove keeps no record of wrong\u201d), but we can only choose to let go of painful events, not control such realities. Jesus commanded his disciple Peter to forgive when wronged, not to forget.<\/p>\n

By not forgetting wrongs you suffer, two healthy outcomes are possible. One outcome is that the person who committed the hurt can be held responsible. And the second outcome\u2014by not forgetting\u2014gives someone the opportunity to extend grace through forgiveness.<\/p>\n

This may look like the wife who doesn\u2019t excuse her husband\u2019s affair, but can love herself enough to confront his wrong doings and hold him accountable\u2014and love enough to forgive the suffering.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t believe the Bible presents a misunderstanding of love, but I do believe that in our humanity we misapply aspects of love toward oneself and others.<\/p>\n

The gospel calls us to view God\u2019s love through Jesus Christ and be imitators of such righteousness. Not one of us is called to enforce legalistic or nuanced alterations.<\/p>\n

But our given charge is clear: \u201cTo do justice, to love kindness, and to walk humbly with our God\u201d (Micah 6:8). May you do that compassionately for yourself and others.<\/p>\n

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Jesse Masson<\/h2>\n

@JesseMasson<\/strong>\u00a0<\/p>\n

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Jesse\u00a0lives in Kansas City with his wife, Julie, and their three children. In 2020, he started\u00a0Connected Counseling LLC<\/em>, a Christian counseling practice that offers professional in-office and teletherapy sessions.\u00a0<\/p>\n<\/div>\n