{"id":31751,"date":"2022-09-10T15:42:39","date_gmt":"2022-09-10T20:42:39","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.biblia.work\/sermons\/3-steps-to-keep-gossip-from-killing-your-small-group\/"},"modified":"2022-09-10T15:42:39","modified_gmt":"2022-09-10T20:42:39","slug":"3-steps-to-keep-gossip-from-killing-your-small-group","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.biblia.work\/sermons\/3-steps-to-keep-gossip-from-killing-your-small-group\/","title":{"rendered":"3 Steps to Keep Gossip From Killing Your Small Group"},"content":{"rendered":"
Ben White photo – Unsplash <\/p>\n

By Joy Allmond<\/em><\/p>\n

There are some things that can kill your group, says Chris Surratt on the Lifeway Leadership Network’s \u201c<\/em>Group Answers\u201d podcast<\/em>.<\/p>\n

\u201cOne of those issues is gossip,\u201d he says. \u201cIf leaders don\u2019t know the signs of it, jump in and head it off, gossip can kill the group.\u201d<\/p>\n

Within the context of a small group, Brandon Hiltibidal of Lifeway’s Groups Ministry Team says one sign there\u2019s a culture of gossip creeping in to a small group is when people are \u201cmaking content of the group about the actions of people outside<\/em> the group.\u201d<\/p>\n

Other times, the gossip isn\u2019t about a particular person, but about the church, in general.<\/p>\n

\u201cSometimes gossip is spurred on by open questions that aren\u2019t really questions,\u201d says Brian Daniel, Surratt’s podcast cohost.<\/p>\n

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\u201cWhen you just open the floor or engage the slippery slope by introducing a topic that you know you or someone else wants to take farther than it needs to go, or trying to emote a response out of people because it\u2019s something you want to hear discussed\u2014that\u2019s gossip.\u201d<\/p>\n

Surratt says he served at a church where one group was asked to disband because their gossip about church leadership had become destructive.<\/p>\n

Daniel, Surratt, and Hiltibidal discussed three ways to salvage small groups by mitigating gossip.<\/p>\n

1. Have a group covenant.<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Surratt says this can be an effective way to set the tone for the group and head off some gossiping tendencies in the beginning.<\/p>\n

\u201cA group covenant is something you can start out with every semester where you can have the group agree on the basics about the group,\u201d he says.<\/p>\n

\u201cThis can include how often you meet, where you meet, food, and a confidentiality clause that says what\u2019s shared in the group stays in the group\u2014and you won\u2019t say things about other people who are outside the group.\u201d<\/p>\n

That way, Surratt says, if something comes up in the group that feels like gossip, a leader has something in writing to which they can point back.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhen you agree up front about what the group is to be about, this allows a leader to shape the culture of the group to be Word-centered,\u201d adds Hiltibidal.<\/p>\n

\u201cThis is especially helpful if you have people in your group with the proclivity to gossip,\u201d he says. \u201cGroup leaders have to establish an ethos of the group as to why we\u2019re here.\u201d<\/p>\n

Surratt says the group covenant is not only helpful for combatting gossip, it\u2019s also a tool for revisiting other issues periodically, such as attendance.<\/p>\n

2. Guard prayer requests. <\/strong><\/h3>\n

\u201cThat is ground zero for gossip,\u201d says Surratt. \u201cLeaders should be able to recognize when a prayer request is turning into gossip. They start referring to \u2018Sally\u2019 and the trouble she\u2019s going through and how \u2018Charlie\u2019 isn\u2019t treating his family the right way.\u201d<\/p>\n

Hiltibidal added, \u201cIt\u2019s often more in the spirit of, \u2018Let me tell you what happened,\u2019 instead of, \u2018Lets take this to the Lord.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

One suggestion Surratt offers is to have a policy to not use personal names when it comes to prayer requests.<\/p>\n

\u201cA leader might also consider not having prayer requests be live,\u201d he says.<\/p>\n

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See also  8 Ways to Persevere in Ministry<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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\u201cInstead, have them write it down and hand it in to you. Then, you can send them out to the group in an email\u2014having had the opportunity to filter it a bit, if it\u2019s something sensitive or something that could be perceived as gossip.\u201d<\/p>\n

3. Ask them to leave. <\/strong><\/h3>\n

Daniel, Surratt, and Hiltibidal agree removing the person should be only a last resort if there isn\u2019t improvement in the gossip\u2014and that removing someone could look several different ways.<\/p>\n

One of those ways, Hiltibidal says, is to work with the person\/family and church leadership to find another group that might be a better fit.<\/p>\n

\u201cThere are times we don\u2019t feel we can just ask them to leave, and handing them off to another group or helping them transition to a new community is a more caring thing to do,\u201d he says, citing a time when he had a chronic gossiper in a group he led.<\/p>\n

\u201cThink through the other disciple-maker relationships in your church. Is there one that has a leader or dynamic that could actually be beneficial or healthy for this person?\u201d<\/p>\n

In Hiltibidal\u2019s case, the person he helped move to another group thrived\u2014and so did her group.<\/p>\n

But unfortunately, this isn\u2019t always the case, and leaders need to take more extreme measures.<\/p>\n

\u201cSometimes, the person brings toxicity to whatever group they\u2019re in,\u201d says Surratt.<\/p>\n

\u201cTalk to that person outside of group time\u2014not within the group. Sometimes they don\u2019t recognize their gossip tendencies at first. Help them see their gossip and how that conflicts with mission of the group.\u201d<\/p>\n

And other times, Surratt says, a leader will have someone who still doesn\u2019t get it, and the painful task of asking them to leave the group is necessary. Even still, he says, no leader should neglect caring for the soul of that person.<\/p>\n

\u201cSometimes they need counseling,\u201d he says. \u201cHelp them find that. When a group leader talks to the person about the situation, it\u2019s often helpful to bring along a pastor or another church leader.<\/p>\n

However this conversations looks, Surratt emphasizes this meeting should convey to the person that this is ultimately for their own good and the good and the mission of the group.<\/p>\n

\u201cGossip can progress if not checked,\u201d says Daniel. \u201cA gossiper can hijack the group, making it feel agenda-driven, and add distractions. And it\u2019s not effective disciple-making.\u201d<\/p>\n

Gossip, Surratt adds, is one of the most rampant group killers, and leaders should be able to identify it when it starts to sneak into conversation\u2014and take measures to address it.<\/p>\n

\u201cGossip can kill a group faster than almost anything else if it continues,\u201d he says.<\/p>\n

Editor’s note:<\/em><\/strong> This is the first of a series of four articles on \u201cgroup killers\u201d as discussed in the \u201c<\/em>Group Answers\u201d podcast<\/em> of the Lifeway Leadership Podcast Network<\/em>.<\/em><\/p>\n

JOY ALLMOND (@joyallmond)<\/strong> is managing editor for<\/em> Facts & Trends.<\/p>\n

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Dig Deeper at Lifeway.com<\/div>\n
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Leading Small Groups: How to Gather, Launch, Lead, and Multiply Your Small Group<\/h2>\n

Chris Surratt<\/p>\n

FIND OUT MORE <\/p><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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3 Ways to Reach Non-Religious People in Your Community 2 Habits That Will Destroy Your Small Group 5 Signs a Pastor Is Emotionally Unhealthy <\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Ben White photo – Unsplash By Joy Allmond There are some things that can kill your group, says Chris Surratt on the Lifeway Leadership Network’s \u201cGroup Answers\u201d podcast. \u201cOne of those issues is gossip,\u201d he says. \u201cIf leaders don\u2019t know the signs of it, jump in and head it off, gossip can kill the group.\u201d Within … Continue reading “3 Steps to Keep Gossip From Killing Your Small Group”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"","ping_status":"","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-31751","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-sermons"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.biblia.work\/sermons\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/31751","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.biblia.work\/sermons\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.biblia.work\/sermons\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.biblia.work\/sermons\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.biblia.work\/sermons\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=31751"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.biblia.work\/sermons\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/31751\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.biblia.work\/sermons\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=31751"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.biblia.work\/sermons\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=31751"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.biblia.work\/sermons\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=31751"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}