{"id":31995,"date":"2022-09-10T15:52:08","date_gmt":"2022-09-10T20:52:08","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.biblia.work\/sermons\/3-friendships-that-can-wreck-your-ministry\/"},"modified":"2022-09-10T15:52:08","modified_gmt":"2022-09-10T20:52:08","slug":"3-friendships-that-can-wreck-your-ministry","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.biblia.work\/sermons\/3-friendships-that-can-wreck-your-ministry\/","title":{"rendered":"3 Friendships That Can Wreck Your Ministry"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n
Aneta Foub\u00edkov\u00e1 photo – Pexels<\/div>\n

By Daniel Darling<\/em><\/p>\n

When I first started in ministry, another leader told me to never develop any deep friendships. He said leadership is about keeping people at arms length so you don\u2019t get too emotionally involved and end up hurt.<\/p>\n

I was young, but this struck me as bad advice. It also seems unbiblical. Even Jesus had a few disciples with whom He closely associated. Besides, I didn\u2019t know how to not<\/em> have friends. I\u2019m highly relational and extroverted. Friendships are like oxygen to me.<\/p>\n

But there are some friendships that should be stewarded in a way that doesn\u2019t harm ministry\u2014or our personal integrity.<\/p>\n

1. Friendships that nurture our worst instincts <\/strong><\/h3>\n

The temptation for leaders to is to gather only with those who are \u201cyes\u201d people\u2014who fan our ego and refuse to tell us when we\u2019re wrong.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s incumbent upon leaders to invite accountability into their friend circle so they avoid hubris and can see their own blind spots.<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

This doesn\u2019t mean we need negative people around us all the time (see second point), but it means we need folks who build us up. And truthfully we all know people who, after we are around them, seem to make us less like Jesus.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve seen leaders pal around with folks who always encourage their worst side, who egg them on to abuse power. And it never, ever ends well.<\/p>\n

In fact, for a few folks I\u2019ve known, I can track their fall from grace back to the season when they hung around with folks who nurtured their worst instincts.<\/p>\n

2. Friendships that accentuate the negative<\/strong><\/h3>\n

So just as we don\u2019t need friends who blindly affirm us, we also don\u2019t need life-draining negative friends.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m not saying we shouldn\u2019t listen to criticism of our ministry\u2014we should. I\u2019m not saying we should erect fireproof human shields around us so we never hear what is going wrong\u2014we shouldn\u2019t.<\/p>\n

But we also need to be around people who can build us up in Christ. For me, there are some people whose presence is so encouraging, edifying, and life-giving. Many of these people are a few miles ahead of me in ministry and who are ending their ministries well.<\/p>\n

\n
\n
\n
See also  4 Changes I’d Make If I Could Start Ministry Over<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

I can think of one person in particular whose every single interaction fills me with confidence in what God has for me. We need to find two or three folks like this in our lives who build us up.<\/p>\n

And we need to find ways to interact in a healthy way with negative, complaining, backbiting saints.<\/p>\n

3. Friendships that go beyond biblical community<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Both men and women should pursue godly, brother-sister friendships in order to fulfill the New Testament command to love one another and live in community.<\/p>\n

But we also need to be wise about the way we conduct our opposite sex relationships. There is a level of personal communication that we should reserve only for our spouses. Affairs don\u2019t begin in the bedroom. They begin when we blow past obvious personal intimate boundaries with someone to whom we are not married.<\/p>\n

This is important not merely for self-protection, but it is a way of caring for our brothers and sisters by loving them in a way that honors God rather than in a way that nurtures our flesh.<\/p>\n

What does this look like? It\u2019s obviously different in every context and every relationship. We need both personal boundaries and a nurturing of our heart. We need to understand our own weakness and dependence on the Spirit.<\/p>\n

As with all three of these friendships, notice I didn\u2019t say you should avoid these types of people. Jesus loves them\u2014and so should we. Because they\u2019re made in God\u2019s image, they are worth our investment. They\u2019re worth our ministry.<\/p>\n

But no friendship is worth our holiness, integrity, or damaged ministry. Have friendships; just remember to steward them well.<\/p>\n

\n
\n
<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n

Daniel Darling<\/h2>\n

@dandarling<\/strong><\/p>\n

\n

Dan is the director of the Land Center for Cultural Engagement at Southwestern Seminary. He is the bestselling author of several books, including The Characters of Christmas<\/em>.<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n