{"id":32418,"date":"2022-09-10T16:08:47","date_gmt":"2022-09-10T21:08:47","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.biblia.work\/sermons\/cringing-at-church-what-its-like-as-an-autistic-person-in-your-congregation\/"},"modified":"2022-09-10T16:08:47","modified_gmt":"2022-09-10T21:08:47","slug":"cringing-at-church-what-its-like-as-an-autistic-person-in-your-congregation","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.biblia.work\/sermons\/cringing-at-church-what-its-like-as-an-autistic-person-in-your-congregation\/","title":{"rendered":"Cringing at Church: What It’s Like as an Autistic Person in Your Congregation"},"content":{"rendered":"
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L- Ken photo – Unsplash<\/div>\n

By Daniel Bowman Jr. <\/em><\/p>\n

During the coffee hour before the service, strangers smile wide, pump my hand, and ask classic small-talk questions that should be simple, but aren\u2019t for me, like, \u201cHow are you?\u201d<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t know, and I\u2019m not sure if they want a real answer. I tend to take things literally, overthinking these exchanges. I feel the sweat on my forehead. I slurp my coffee too quickly, burning my tongue.<\/p>\n

After I\u2019ve carefully selected the exact seat I need (near the middle, on the aisle), the pastor suddenly issues a call to fill the front of the sanctuary: \u201cDon\u2019t be shy, everyone move up\u2014yes, that means you!\u201d<\/p>\n

There\u2019s unwanted direct eye contact. I\u2019m frozen with fear.<\/p>\n

We\u2019re doing \u201cpopcorn prayer\u201d and I\u2019m the only one who hasn\u2019t offered up a petition because my selective mutism has decided to kick in; or my senses are overloaded from the worship band\u2019s volume and intensity; or I\u2019m practicing in my head what to say but I\u2019m nervous and know the words won\u2019t come out right.<\/p>\n

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Someone behind me touches me with no warning and begins praying loudly. Others lay their hands on my highly sensitive neck, shoulders, and head. This startles me, making me cringe\u2014making me wish I\u2019d stayed home this morning.<\/p>\n

When well-meaning people in a community of faith (or anywhere, really) learn of my autism, they have varied reactions:<\/p>\n

\u201cI would never have known; you don\u2019t look autistic.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAre you sure you have autism? You just need to learn to relax. Smile\u2014life\u2019s not that bad!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMy nephew has autism and you\u2019re not like him at all. You\u2019re really high-functioning.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI think you mean \u2018a person with autism.\u2019 Saying \u2018autistic\u2019 is very negative.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s inspiring that you\u2019re overcoming your autism. You can beat this!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, I guess we\u2019re all a little autistic, right?\u201d<\/p>\n

My first experience in a community of faith took place in upstate New York, where I grew up in the Catholic Church. The journey into evangelical faith has been circuitous, including worship in various denominational and nondenominational traditions.<\/p>\n

As you live and worship alongside your autistic neighbors, you can help free us from the shame we sometimes carry. \u2014 @danielbowmanjr Click To Tweet <\/p>\n

My wife and I always tried to find a church that suited us in terms of our growing understanding of God and our family\u2019s needs. We moved around a lot, so we landed in many different settings.<\/p>\n

The vignettes above occurred in good churches, formative houses of worship for me. Before I had an autism diagnosis, though, I couldn\u2019t put my finger on why those kinds of scenarios made me uncomfortable. I assumed I was just painfully introverted, shy, and fretful\u2014temperamentally unsuited for church.<\/p>\n

I followed Jesus, but never quite felt at home in a congregation. No one else seemed to clam up when the pastor said, out of the blue, \u201cNow turn to your neighbor and say, \u2018God loves you!\u2019 Now give him a hug!\u201d<\/p>\n

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See also  Apathy in Churches Looms Large for Pastors<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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Why couldn\u2019t I just roll with it?<\/p>\n

Did I lack trust in God? Did I lack the Holy Spirit? Was I not fit as a member of the body of Christ?<\/p>\n

I wrestled with these issues\u2014and the shame they brought\u2014for years. Only recently did I begin working through them with a better knowledge of who God made me to be, and what I need in order to flourish.<\/p>\n

Like most people on the autism spectrum, I need some structure and predictability. Surprises are challenging. Unwanted physical exchanges can be difficult. I often can\u2019t sustain eye contact. Some weeks I can\u2019t participate in activities that fall in the category of fellowship.<\/p>\n

Church is a complex, multilayered social environment, a gauntlet of unspoken rules and expectations requiring vigilant navigation.<\/p>\n

Also, now that some people know I\u2019m autistic, it can be frustrating to communicate the nuances of what that means. People often say things that are hurtful, reductive, or simply betray a lack of understanding.<\/p>\n

I sometimes feel like I\u2019m an ambassador for the autistic community, that I\u2019m supposed to model healthy autism and also gently teach anyone who\u2019s interested. That\u2019s a lot of pressure when my emotional energy is consistently near-drained.<\/p>\n

Since my diagnosis, I know I don\u2019t have to feel ashamed anymore. And that\u2019s perhaps the key takeaway I\u2019d like to offer: As you live and worship alongside your autistic neighbors, you can help free us from the shame we sometimes carry.<\/p>\n

No one expects you to walk on eggshells or get everything right. Just aim for greater knowledge and empathy. Listening to our stories\u2014including reading pieces like this\u2014is a great start.<\/p>\n

Like everyone else, people with autism are fearfully and wonderfully\u2014if a little differently\u2014made. \u2014 @danielbowmanjr Click To Tweet <\/p>\n

We have friends at our current church, which puts me at ease, and the services feature marvelous predictability through liturgy, tradition, and a year-round calendar of meaningful and structured holy days. I know what to expect, and I find richness in it, whether it\u2019s responsive Scripture reading or kneeling for prayer.<\/p>\n

This isn\u2019t to say there will always be a direct relationship between autism and \u201chigh church\u201d settings. The saying from autistic circles bears repeating in the context of faith: \u201cIf you\u2019ve met one autistic person you\u2019ve met one<\/em> autistic person.\u201d<\/p>\n

While we share a constellation of symptoms to various degrees, people on the spectrum are unique individuals who land in many denominations and churches.<\/p>\n

We will be in your <\/em>congregation, and I pray your mind and heart are open to us. For we, too, are fearfully and wonderfully\u2014if a little differently\u2014made.<\/p>\n

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Daniel Bowman Jr.<\/h2>\n

@danielbowmanjr<\/strong><\/p>\n

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Daniel is associate professor of English at Taylor University.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n