{"id":32420,"date":"2022-09-10T16:08:51","date_gmt":"2022-09-10T21:08:51","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.biblia.work\/sermons\/10-things-i-wish-church-leaders-knew-about-divorce\/"},"modified":"2022-09-10T16:08:51","modified_gmt":"2022-09-10T21:08:51","slug":"10-things-i-wish-church-leaders-knew-about-divorce","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.biblia.work\/sermons\/10-things-i-wish-church-leaders-knew-about-divorce\/","title":{"rendered":"10 Things I Wish Church Leaders Knew About Divorce"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Pxhere photo<\/div>\n

By Laura Petherbridge<\/em> <\/strong><\/p>\n

April 7, 1984 was the worst day of my life. It was the day my marriage died.<\/p>\n

My husband was having an affair, and he no longer wanted to be married. No amount of crying, begging, promising, or counseling could change his mind.<\/p>\n

I was a new Christian when we divorced, but I knew enough to ask God to use the trauma, shame, and agony to help others. Over the last 34 years, that\u2019s exactly what He has done.<\/p>\n

Divorce is a difficult subject for the church. I\u2019m not called to be a theologian, but I\u2019m certain we don\u2019t want to ignore God\u2019s commands or give the impression that marriage is temporary.<\/p>\n

Divorce also has severe, long-term consequences. No one comprehends that better than I do.<\/p>\n

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Here are 10 aspects of divorce I\u2019d like to share with church leaders to help them love the brokenhearted while not condoning divorce.<\/p>\n

Divorce is a Death<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Regardless of the circumstances, divorce signifies the fatality of the marriage vow. It\u2019s the death of the dream, the breaking of the covenant, and the ending of \u201cwhat should have been.\u201d<\/p>\n

It often feels as if death would have been easier because death is natural and doesn\u2019t carry the shame.<\/p>\n

Divorce is a Soul-Entrenched Betrayal<\/strong><\/h3>\n

It\u2019s a rejection like no other. The person you thought would be your lifetime partner, your soft place to fall when the rest of the world abandons you decides, \u201cI never loved you. You aren\u2019t worth it.\u201d<\/p>\n

Divorce Has No Closure<\/strong><\/h3>\n

A divorced person experiences the loss and the humiliation over and over and over every time you check the \u201csingle\u201d or \u201cdivorced\u201d box on a form or your child cries for the other parent.<\/p>\n

Divorce is a Gut-Level Accuser<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Night and day, the spousal rejection hauntingly whispers, \u201cYou are a loser. You are unlovable. You are a failure. You deserve to be alone. Life is over. You will never be loved again.\u201d<\/p>\n

Satan loves divorce. It\u2019s a superb weapon of soul-deep destruction.<\/p>\n

Divorce Becomes an Identity<\/strong><\/h3>\n

One of the most humiliating tasks for me was being labeled \u201cdivorced\u201d rather than \u201cmarried.\u201d Being labeled a single never bothered me. But \u201cdivorced\u201d tattooed an imaginary red \u201cD\u201d on my forehead, which can seem synonymous with \u201cfailure,\u201d \u201creject,\u201d or \u201cugly.\u201d<\/p>\n

It took a long time, great friends, and a terrific church to help me recognize that divorce was something I experienced. It was an event\u2014not my identity. \u2014 @TheSmartStepmom Click To Tweet <\/p>\n

It took a long time, great friends, and a terrific church to help me recognize that divorce was something I experienced. It was an event<\/em>\u2014not my identity. God still sees me as His precious daughter, one purchased and healed by Jesus.<\/p>\n

Divorce Takes Only One, When Marriage Takes Two<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Just because the sin of divorce has occurred, it doesn\u2019t mean both spouses have sinned in this way.<\/p>\n

There might be only one who is involved in addiction, adultery, abuse, pornography, anger issues, gambling, deception, drugs, homosexuality, mental illness, outrageous spending, or unwillingness to work.<\/p>\n

One spouse can destroy the marriage, no matter how hard the other is trying.<\/p>\n

Divorce Isn\u2019t Always Initiated by the Guilty Party<\/strong><\/h3>\n

After 34 years in divorce recovery ministry, I\u2019ve found that the men and women who didn\u2019t want to be divorced are often the ones to legally file. These are individuals married to someone who doesn\u2019t love them, the kids, or God enough to do the hard work to keep the marriage alive.<\/p>\n

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But the culpable one doesn\u2019t want the guilt associated with divorce, so he or she will often withhold money, child support, visitation, etc. to force the other spouse into taking legal action. That way they can say\u2014and manipulate others into believing\u2014\u201cI didn\u2019t file for divorce\u2014my ex did.\u201d<\/p>\n

Divorce Causes Those Affected to Dread Sundays<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Walking into church witnessing all the nice families and loving couples was a stark reminder of just how abandoned I was. Sundays were often dreaded days I just needed to \u201csurvive.\u201d<\/p>\n

Too depressed to visit friends and exhausted from flashing my perfect \u201cI\u2019m fine\u201d smile, I collapsed at home.<\/p>\n

I would spend most of the day crying. I could barely pray, so I sat by my stereo and sang worship songs, begging God to heal my tormented heart.<\/p>\n

Divorce Can Strengthen and<\/em> Weaken Faith <\/strong><\/h3>\n

As previously mentioned, I was a new Christian when my divorce occurred. On one hand, I knew Jesus was the only One who could carry me through the horror.<\/p>\n

On the other hand, the feelings of failure, humiliation, shame and loss enticed me to run back to my former life and anesthetize the trauma with alcohol.<\/p>\n

I seriously contemplated suicide to stop the madness. My life was hanging by a thread. I teetered between running to Jesus and running away from Him.<\/p>\n

Fortunately, my heavenly Father wooed me back into His loving embrace. He became the faithful Husband I had lost.<\/p>\n

He declared, \u201cI will make you my wife forever, showing you righteousness and justice, unfailing love and compassion. I will be faithful to you and make you mine, and you will finally know me as the Lord\u201d (Hosea 2:19-20 NLT).<\/p>\n

Divorce Is an Opportunity for the Church to Reach the Broken <\/strong><\/h3>\n

Because I was such a young Christian, and in a smaller church, I didn\u2019t realize that not everyone has a pastor to run to for advice.<\/p>\n

Now that I\u2019ve spoken and taught in many denominations and churches, I realize how uniquely blessed I was. My pastor provided sound biblical advice. He didn\u2019t encourage me to divorce, but he also didn\u2019t ignore my husband\u2019s ongoing sin.<\/p>\n

He gave me questions to ponder, Bible verses to study, and prayers to plead. He was a rock solid influence of God\u2019s perfect truth and grace.<\/p>\n

Even though it was 34 years ago, I remember his question, \u201cAre you struggling with knowing who you are?\u201d and I replied, \u201cYes, definitely. But I\u2019m certain of whose I am. I belong to Christ.\u201d<\/p>\n

His confident smile said everything. And somehow, in that moment, I knew I\u2019d eventually be alright.<\/p>\n

My passion is to help pastors and church leaders understand how they can help the one, like me, who didn\u2019t want to be divorced. Because even though I detest divorce, I love divorced people.<\/p>\n

Why? Because Jesus does.<\/p>\n

He longs to heal and restore them, as He did me.<\/p>\n

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Laura Petherbridge<\/h2>\n

@TheSmartStepmom<\/strong><\/p>\n

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Laura is an international author and speaker who serves couples and single adults with topics on relationships, stepfamilies, divorce prevention, and divorce recovery. She is the author of several books, and can be found at TheSmartStepmom.com.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n