{"id":32423,"date":"2022-09-10T16:08:58","date_gmt":"2022-09-10T21:08:58","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.biblia.work\/sermons\/10-ways-to-comfort-a-grieving-person\/"},"modified":"2022-09-10T16:08:58","modified_gmt":"2022-09-10T21:08:58","slug":"10-ways-to-comfort-a-grieving-person","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.biblia.work\/sermons\/10-ways-to-comfort-a-grieving-person\/","title":{"rendered":"10 Ways to Comfort a Grieving Person"},"content":{"rendered":"
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jim jackson photo – Pexels<\/div>\n

By Nancy Guthrie<\/em><\/p>\n

It\u2019s inevitable\u2014you will have someone in your congregation, workplace, or neighborhood lose someone they love. Often, we have good intentions, but don\u2019t know exactly what to do or say.<\/p>\n

Over the years since I experienced the death of my daughter, Hope, and my son, Gabriel, I\u2019ve interacted with grieving people, especially through the Respite Retreats my husband and I host for couples who have lost children\u2014and have identified a number of key ways to minister to grieving people:<\/p>\n

1. Don\u2019t try to \u201cfix\u201d their grief, but do<\/em> say something.<\/strong><\/h3>\n

To a person who has lost someone they love, it is as if a hurdle has been erected between them and everyone else until the loss is acknowledged in some way.<\/p>\n

Oftentimes, we don\u2019t say something because we\u2019re afraid we\u2019ll say the wrong thing. Other times we\u2019re quiet because we want to say something meaningful, insightful, or helpful, and we can\u2019t come up with anything.<\/p>\n

But grieving people don\u2019t expect you to say something that will make everything okay, or that you\u2019re going to come up with some spiritual or emotional insight they haven\u2019t thought of to this point.<\/p>\n

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They just want you to say something simple like, \u201cI\u2019m so sad with you.\u201d They want you to say something<\/em>.<\/p>\n

2. Don\u2019t tell a story about your own or someone else\u2019s loss.<\/strong><\/h3>\n

My theory is that in our effort to fill up the awkward silence, or in our desire to demonstrate that we really do \u201cget\u201d what they are going through, our brains go on a search for a match to the current situation. That\u2019s natural.<\/p>\n

But when a search result comes up, we don\u2019t have to say it out loud. Instead, keep the focus on the person who is grieving. We might think the story of our experience or someone else\u2019s will be helpful, but it won\u2019t be.<\/p>\n

Their own loss is all they have space for in their thoughts, conversation, and hearts, so keep the focus on them.<\/p>\n

3. Be a welcome companion in grief\u2014regardless of how well you know them.<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Sometimes we stay away from people going through grief because we think they must have closer friends who are coming alongside them during this hard time and that we would be an unwelcome intrusion.<\/p>\n

I have hardly ever met a grieving person who didn\u2019t have at least one story of someone they thought would be there for them who disappeared. But when I ask these same people, \u201cWere there some people who showed up in your grief in incredible ways that weren\u2019t your close friends before your loss?\u201d And they almost always say, \u201cYes!\u201d<\/p>\n

These people may be in their lives for a short time or may be there to stay, but they will never be forgotten.<\/p>\n

4. Give them permission to cry.<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Sometimes we are afraid to bring up a person\u2019s loss because we don\u2019t want to \u201cmake them sad\u201d if it seems like they are having a good day.<\/p>\n

But they are already<\/em> sad. Their grief is like a computer program always running in the background. When you ask about their grief or share how you have been thinking about the person who died, and they begin to weep, it\u2019s not that you made them sad. You simply gave them an opportunity to release some of the sadness that was already there in the form of tears.<\/p>\n

You cared enough to bring up the one topic they really want to talk about, but don\u2019t always know how to bring up or simply don\u2019t bring up because they fear it will make others uncomfortable.<\/p>\n

5. Proactively meet practical needs.<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Sometimes well-meaning people say to a person who has lost someone, \u201cI\u2019m here. Please call me if you need anything.\u201d<\/p>\n

But grieving people will not usually call you if they need something. They certainly can\u2019t take on the task of recruiting and organizing the help they need. What they really need is for people around them to figure out something that would be helpful and just do it.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m going to mow your grass for the rest of the summer so you don\u2019t have to think about it,\u201d or \u201cWould you like some company to go pick out the burial plot or to order the gravestone?\u201d or \u201cI\u2019m going to come over on Thursday morning and do your laundry.\u201d<\/p>\n

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See also  Why Pastors Must Acknowledge Their Own Needs<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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No one is ever going to call and ask someone to clean their toilets, wash their clothes, get groceries, or run other errands. But sometimes that is what they really need.<\/p>\n

6. Use their loved one\u2019s name in conversation.<\/strong><\/h3>\n

The greatest fear grieving people have is that the person they love will be forgotten. The person is gone from their presence, and they\u2019re afraid that person will be erased from everyone\u2019s thoughts.<\/p>\n

To hear someone simply speak that person\u2019s name is like a balm to the soul of a grieving person.<\/p>\n

7. If you knew the person who died, tell their grieving loved one a story about him\/her.<\/strong><\/h3>\n

It\u2019s easy to make general statements about a deceased person to a loved one, like, \u201cHe was a really great guy.\u201d<\/p>\n

But what grieving people long to hear are specific stories about experiences others had with that person\u2014stories that highlight specific qualities about the person and instances in which those qualities were evident.<\/p>\n

Stories like this bring joy in the midst of sorrow to a grieving person. To take it a step further, consider writing out one (or more) of these stories to give to the grieving person. This will bring comfort again and again as they read it and share it with others over the days and years to come.<\/p>\n

8. If at all possible, simply show up at the visitation, the funeral, and beyond.<\/strong><\/h3>\n

If you can\u2019t make it to the visitation or the funeral, don\u2019t tell the person why you couldn\u2019t come (unless you were on the other side of the world or in a coma).<\/p>\n

Whatever reason kept you from being there on the lowest days of their life\u2014when they wanted the world to stop and notice the person they loved died\u2014simply won\u2019t be good enough.<\/p>\n

Just say that you are disappointed you couldn\u2019t be there. Ask the person to tell you about aspects of the service that were special to them. Maybe even ask if you can come over and watch a video of the service with them.<\/p>\n

9. Invite them to talk about their grief and their loved one who died.<\/strong><\/h3>\n

It is extremely hard for a grieving person to have to give a report on how they\u2019re doing. We tend to approach people who have been through a loss with the question, \u201cHow are you?\u201d<\/p>\n

It is simple enough and it certainly demonstrates caring. But for many grieving people, \u201cNot so good,\u201d might sound pathetic. And, \u201cGood,\u201d just isn\u2019t the truth.<\/p>\n

Many grieving people will feel judged on their emotional or spiritual health by their honest response. The ups and downs and waves of grief can overtake even the most emotionally and spiritually sound people.<\/p>\n

The best question to ask is, \u201cWhat\u2019s your grief like these days?\u201d By asking this question, you\u2019re acknowledging their sorrow, affirming the normalcy of such sadness, and allowing them to talk about it.<\/p>\n

10. Reach out to the grieving member of your congregation on the anniversary of their loved one\u2019s death.<\/strong><\/h3>\n

There is a day that comes around on the calendar every year for the person who has lost someone they love.<\/p>\n

Every year, as that day draws near, there is a sense of dread. The grieving person is trying to figure out what to do with the day to honor the memory of the person who died. Sometimes, there\u2019s no energy for that and they\u2019re just trying to get through the day.<\/p>\n

Regardless of how much time has passed since their loved one died, it means the world to a grieving person for someone to care enough to send a note, give them a call, invite them to share a meal, or offer to accompany them to the grave.<\/p>\n

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Nancy Guthrie<\/h2>\n

@NancyGuth3<\/strong><\/p>\n

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Nancy is a speaker, writer, and Bible teacher. Her own experience with grief\u2014having lost two children to a rare genetic disease\u2014has translated into ministry to others who suffer loss.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n