{"id":32449,"date":"2022-09-10T16:10:01","date_gmt":"2022-09-10T21:10:01","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.biblia.work\/sermons\/7-things-to-not-say-at-a-funeral\/"},"modified":"2022-09-10T16:10:01","modified_gmt":"2022-09-10T21:10:01","slug":"7-things-to-not-say-at-a-funeral","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.biblia.work\/sermons\/7-things-to-not-say-at-a-funeral\/","title":{"rendered":"7 Things to Not Say at a Funeral"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Rhodi Alers de Lopez photo – Unsplash<\/div>\n

By Aaron Earls<\/em><\/p>\n

Some of the most difficult moments of our lives are after the death of a loved one. Some of the most awkward moments are when we go to comfort friends after the death of their loved one.<\/p>\n

Though we all are confronted with death and must deal with personal loss, we never seem to know what to say to someone else going through grief.<\/p>\n

Sometimes, even if we have the best intentions, we can say something that is emotionally hurtful or theologically off-base.<\/p>\n

Here are seven things to avoid saying at a funeral or to someone grieving the loss of a loved one.<\/p>\n

\u201cThey\u2019re an angel now.\u201d<\/strong><\/h3>\n

No, they\u2019re not. Nowhere in Scripture does it teach that deceased humans become angels. Don\u2019t let cartoons and pop culture ideas influence your understanding of death.<\/p>\n

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Not only is it wrong, it can be insensitive as well. Don\u2019t try to diminish the grief of someone by spouting off trite (and inaccurate) sayings.<\/p>\n

\u201cI know how you feel.\u201d<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Yes, virtually all of us have suffered loss, but none of us has the exact same experience or feelings. This makes the conversation about you and not about the person who is suffering.<\/p>\n

If you have been through a similar tragedy\u2014such as losing a spouse or child\u2014tell the person that you\u2019d be glad to talk when they feel up to it. Don\u2019t push them, but follow up after a few weeks once things have settled down. Let them know you will be there for them.<\/p>\n

\u201cThey look so good.\u201d<\/strong><\/h3>\n

One of the most awkward experiences is seeing the body of the person in the casket. The temptation can be to compliment the appearance of the body or note how it \u201clooks just like them.\u201d Don\u2019t do this.<\/p>\n

In reality, we all know the body doesn\u2019t look good. It doesn\u2019t look right because it\u2019s not. After Adam and Eve fell, death became an unwelcome resident of God\u2019s good creation. The dead body looks unnatural because it is, and no amount of soothing words can make that any less of a reality.<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t cry\u201d or \u201cGo ahead and cry.\u201d<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Yes, everyone grieves, but everyone grieves differently. We should not attempt to impose our way of grieving on others.<\/p>\n

Yes, Christians do not grieve as those who have no hope (1 Thessalonians 4:13), but we do grieve. For, some that means floods of tears. For others, that may mean silent reflection. Work to bring comfort, not grief judging.<\/p>\n

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\u201cAt least it wasn\u2019t worse.\u201d<\/strong><\/h3>\n

This should be obvious, but too often it\u2019s not. Saying something like this will not make the person feel better or lessen their loss.<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t try to point how other people have had it worse or try to get the grieving person to \u201clook at the bright side of things.\u201d Allow them to grieve without feeling guilty for it.<\/p>\n

\u201cGod is sovereign.\u201d<\/strong><\/h3>\n

Yes, this is true. Yes, this is biblical. Yes, God has promised to work all things together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28). But no, you probably shouldn\u2019t say it and nothing else to a person immediately after their loved one died.<\/p>\n

We can rest in God\u2019s sovereignty and trust in it, but still not want to hear a trite \u201ceverything happens for a reason\u201d as we stifle waves of grief.<\/p>\n

\u201cLet me know if I can help.\u201d<\/strong><\/h3>\n

This may sound comforting, but in many ways you are placing the onus on the person trying to keep their head above water. Instead of asking them to tell you, look for ways you can meet a need without being asked.<\/p>\n

They\u2019re probably not going to call you to ask for something, but they may gladly receive a meal, some help with paperwork, or an offer to pick up kids from school or take them to soccer practice.<\/p>\n

Be close enough that you can see the needs they have and meet them without making the grieving family contact you to ask for help.<\/p>\n

What can you say instead?<\/strong><\/h3>\n

In many ways, just saying, \u201cI\u2019m so sorry for your loss\u201d can go a long way in communicating care and presence.<\/p>\n

Maybe try sharing your favorite memory of their loved ones. For me, one of the unexpected comforts during the grieving process was gathering with family members and reminiscing and telling stories.<\/p>\n

If all that fails, just hug them or sit with them in silence. You can communicate a lot without saying a word. It\u2019s better to say nothing than to say something that will do more harm than good.<\/p>\n

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Aaron Earls<\/h2>\n

@WardrobeDoor<\/p>\n

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Aaron is a writer for LifewayResearch.com.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n