{"id":32856,"date":"2022-09-10T16:25:52","date_gmt":"2022-09-10T21:25:52","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.biblia.work\/sermons\/pastors-spouses-experience-mixed-blessings\/"},"modified":"2022-09-10T16:25:52","modified_gmt":"2022-09-10T21:25:52","slug":"pastors-spouses-experience-mixed-blessings","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.biblia.work\/sermons\/pastors-spouses-experience-mixed-blessings\/","title":{"rendered":"Pastors\u2019 Spouses Experience Mixed Blessings"},"content":{"rendered":"
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By Bob Smietana<\/p>\n

Being married to a pastor means a life filled with joy, purpose and a lot of headaches.<\/p>\n

Most pastors\u2019 spouses feel a call to ministry and enjoy their roles inside and outside their church.<\/p>\n

Many also have few friends, think they yell at their kids too much, and worry about money.<\/p>\n

Those are among the findings of a new Lifeway Research study about the lives of Protestant pastors\u2019 spouses. The representative study of 720 spouses found their lives are complicated, filled with blessing and stresses, said Scott McConnell, executive director of Lifeway Research.<\/p>\n

\u201cDespite their challenges, most pastors\u2019 spouses say they are happy,\u201d said McConnell.<\/p>\n

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A diverse group <\/strong><\/h3>\n

Lifeway Research\u2019s survey focused mainly on spouses of a senior pastor or solo pastor at Protestant churches from a variety of denominations, including Baptist (29 percent), non-denominational (15 percent), Methodist (9 percent), Lutheran (9 percent) and Assemblies of God (7 percent) congregations. The survey also included spouses of Presbyterian (4 percent), Pentecostal\/charismatic (3 percent), Church of Christ (3 percent) and Church of God (2 percent) pastors, among others.<\/p>\n

Most of the spouses are married to pastors who work at least 35 hours a week for the church (90 percent). Half have children at home (53 percent). Nine percent have seminary degrees. Half have spent at least 20 years as a pastor\u2019s spouse (51 percent). Eighty-six percent have responsibilities at their church, including 19 percent who are on the church\u2019s staff.<\/p>\n

More than half work outside the spouse\u2019s church (55 percent), and of those, a quarter work for a church, ministry or other nonprofit (26 percent).<\/p>\n

Most are women (96 percent). Most also feel a strong call to ministry (81 percent).<\/p>\n

And in the big picture, they\u2019re satisfied with their lot in life.<\/p>\n

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Among the findings:<\/p>\n

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  • 93 percent believe their spouse is a good fit for the present church.<\/li>\n
  • 90 percent think ministry has had a positive effect on their family.<\/li>\n
  • 85 percent say, \u201cThe church we serve takes good care of us.\u201d<\/li>\n
  • 83 percent enjoy their ministry work.<\/li>\n
  • 79 percent are satisfied with their role in ministry.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

    Still, there are many challenges. Conflict in a church and a sense of loneliness are commonplace. Among the issues:<\/p>\n

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    • 72 percent say their spouse has experienced resistance in the church.<\/li>\n
    • 69 percent say they have few people they can confide in.<\/li>\n
    • 68 percent worry about having enough money for retirement.<\/li>\n
    • 59 percent say church commitments limit family time.<\/li>\n
    • 49 percent say, \u201cIf I were honest at church about my prayer needs, they would just become gossip.\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

      Finances and friends<\/strong><\/h3>\n

      Like many Americans, pastors\u2019 spouses say money is one of their biggest worries, the Lifeway Research survey found.<\/p>\n

      About a third (36 percent) say they worry every month about making ends meet. Forty-six percent say they worry about not being able to save for the future. Sixty percent say the compensation paid by the church isn\u2019t enough to support their family.<\/p>\n

      Many also feel isolated, with few close friends other than their spouse. Sixty-two percent, for example, say they can count on their spouse \u201ca great deal\u201d when they feel under stress. Fewer say they can depend a great deal on other family members in their household (14 percent), other relatives (12 percent), friends at church (10 percent), friends outside church (12 percent) or other ministers\u2019 spouses (9 percent).<\/p>\n

      Half say they don\u2019t confide in people at church because they\u2019ve been betrayed in the past. About half (55 percent) also say they don\u2019t have enough relationships where they can be themselves.<\/p>\n

      That\u2019s in part because there is constant pressure to keep up appearances, according to the Lifeway Research survey. Seventy-nine percent say their congregation expects their family to be a \u201cmodel family,\u201d while 86 percent say they are expected to have a model marriage. Half (49 percent) feel they live in a fishbowl.<\/p>\n

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      See also  The New Front Door to Your Church<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
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      Often churches have unrealistic expectations for a pastor\u2019s spouse, says Kathy Litton, a national consultant for pastors\u2019 spouses at the Southern Baptist Convention\u2019s North American Mission Board.<\/p>\n

      \u201cThey feel like their family needs to be perfect,\u201d said Litton. \u201cWhen congregations paint that picture for you, that\u2019s a lot of pressure.\u201d<\/p>\n

      Litton, who has been a pastor\u2019s spouse for nearly four decades, said when she was younger, she often felt some pressure to present a good example as a family. In reality, they just needed to apply the gospel in their family, she said.<\/p>\n

      \u201cPastors and their spouses don\u2019t need to try to keep up appearances at church or at home,\u201d she said. \u201cIt\u2019s especially critical for our kids to see us as human frail parents who need Jesus and the gospel like anyone else. Our homes need to be places of vulnerability and reality.\u201d<\/p>\n

      Finding your calling<\/strong><\/h3>\n
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      The Lifeway Research study did provide clues for how pastors\u2019 spouses can thrive in their roles. Those who feel a strong sense of personal call to ministry tend to be more satisfied with their role. Those who have strong marriages and friends they can count on also are more likely to thrive.<\/p>\n

      By contrast, those who feel burned out by their ministry, have experienced conflict or struggle to balance church life and family are much less likely to be happy.<\/p>\n

      A sense of calling to ministry is key, said Litton. It\u2019s hard to survive as a pastor\u2019s spouse without it, she said.<\/p>\n

      \u201cThe ones who struggle are the ones who don\u2019t feel a sense of call,\u201d she said. \u201cThere\u2019s no safe place for them to talk about that.\u201d<\/p>\n

      Pastors and the spouses can also thrive by putting their own family\u2014not the church\u2014first, said Mark Dance, director of Lifeway Pastors. It\u2019s a model that other couples in the church can follow.<\/p>\n

      \u201cCreating a culture of healthy marriages starts in the pastor\u2019s home,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n

      Janet Dance, who leads retreats for pastors\u2019 wives, said that planning ahead is key.<\/p>\n

      \u201cIf you don\u2019t plan ahead, it\u2019s not going to happen,\u201d she said. \u201cWe have to give pastors\u2019 spouses permission to put their families on their calendar.\u201d<\/p>\n

      Many of the challenges pastors\u2019 spouses face aren\u2019t unusual, said McConnell. Lots of Americans worry about money or feel lonely, he said. They struggle with conflict at work and have a hard time balancing work and family responsibilities.<\/p>\n

      But few have the added pressure of being role models or spiritual examples, he said. That makes the role of a pastor\u2019s spouse unique.<\/p>\n

      Despite the complicated nature of their lives, ministry remains rewarding for many pastors\u2019 spouses.<\/p>\n

      \u201cThey feel a sense of joy and satisfaction in their work,\u201d said McConnell. \u201cAnd they see that as a blessing.\u201d<\/p>\n

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      Bob Smietana<\/h2>\n

      @bobsmietana<\/strong><\/p>\n

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      Bob is the former senior writer for Lifeway Research. In September 2018, he joined Religion News Service, where he currently serves as a national writer.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n