Chain Saw<\/b><\/p>\n
The story is told of the big lumberjack who bought a brand new chainsaw and was told it could cut down at least 100 trees a day.<\/p>\n
But on the first day he only managed to cut down 25 trees. The next day he tried harder and finally cut down 33 trees. The third day he started early, worked late, and even cut his lunch break short, but he still managed to cut down only 48 trees.<\/p>\n
He went back to the store and confronted the manager with his complaint. He told him of his efforts and of the results. The manager couldn\u2019t quite understand what had gone wrong, so he asked to take a look. He grabbed the starter rope and pulled hard, and the motor started with a roar.<\/p>\n
The lumberjack jumped back in alarm and yelled, \u201cHey, what\u2019s dat big noise?\u201d<\/p>\n
Source unknown<\/p>\n
Three kids bragging about fathers:<\/b><\/p>\n
\u2022 First: My dad\u2019s so smart he can talk for one hour on any subject.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Second: My dad\u2019s so smart he can talk for two hours on any subject.<\/p>\n
\u2022 Third: My dad\u2019s so smart he can talk for three hours and doesn\u2019t even need a subject.<\/p>\n
Source unknown<\/p>\n
Bargin Hay<\/b><\/p>\n
There\u2019d been a long dry season, and there wasn\u2019t enough hay to keep the cows fed, so Gunister and one of his friends decided to go into the hay merchandising business. They got a truck and drove to another state, where they bought hay for $3 a bale. Then they brought it home and sold it for $2.50 a bale.<\/p>\n
After a few weeks in the business, Gunister\u2019s friend said, \u201cYou know, there must be something wrong. We\u2019re just not makin\u2019 any money.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI know,\u201d replied Gunister. \u201cMaybe we ought to get a bigger truck.\u201d<\/p>\n
Bob Newman, Reader\u2019s Digest, p. 67<\/p>\n
Missing Word<\/b><\/p>\n
Three contestants in a TV quiz show were down to the last question of the final round. The emcee said, \u201cCome up with the missing word at the end of the phrase and spell it correctly, and you\u2019ll win our grand-prize trip to Europe. Are you ready? The phrase is, \u2018Old MacDonald had a ____.\u2019 And remember, you must spell the missing word.\u201d<\/p>\n
The first contestant proposed, \u201cOld MacDonald had a house\u2014 h-o-u-s-e.\u201d<\/p>\n
The audience groaned.<\/p>\n
The second contestant tried, \u201cOld MacDonald had a ranch\u2014r-a-n-c-h.\u201d<\/p>\n
More audience groaning.<\/p>\n
The third contestant got up and said, \u201cOld MacDonald had a farm.\u201d<\/p>\n
The applause was deafening. When it calmed down the emcee said, \u201cAll right\u2014what you have to do now is spell the magic word and you win our super-deluxe, super-fabulous trip to Europe.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s easy,\u201d said the contestant. \u201cE-I-E-I-O.\u201d<\/p>\n
Vyto Kapocius, quoted by Alex Thien in Milwaukee Sentinel<\/p>\n
Level of Intelligence<\/b><\/p>\n
William Ferguson, chairman of Nynex Corporation, tells this story about Albert Einstein in heaven:<\/p>\n
Einstein was having difficulty finding people on his intellectual level to talk to, so one day he decided to stand at the pearly gates and ask everyone who entered what their IQ was. Before very long he was having a lot of success guessing what people did for a living on the basis on their level of intelligence. For instance, a woman was ushered through the gates and in response to Einstein\u2019s question, said she had an IQ of 190. \u201cWhy, you must be a physicist,\u201d Einstein said. \u201cIndeed I am,\u201d said the woman. \u201cI\u2019d love to chat with you about the progress being made in nuclear fusion and in superconductivity, as well as what\u2019s going on in space,\u201d said Einstein. \u201cPlease wait over there.\u201d He stopped a man who was entering the gates, and the man told him his IQ was 140. \u201cYou must be a physician, probably a surgeon,\u201d said Einstein. His guess was right. \u201cWonderful,\u201d said Einstein. \u201cI want to talk to you about the latest organ transplant techniques and their effects on life expectancy. Can you wait a few moments until we can get together?\u201d Another man walked in and told Einstein he had an IQ of 95. \u201cIs that so,\u201d said Einstein. \u201cSo what do you think is going to happen with interest rates?\u201d<\/p>\n
Bits and Pieces, July, 1991<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Chain Saw The story is told of the big lumberjack who bought a brand new chainsaw and was told it could cut down at least 100 trees a day. But on the first day he only managed to cut down 25 trees. The next day he tried harder and finally cut down 33 trees. The … Continue reading “Introductions”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-878","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-sermons"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.biblia.work\/sermons\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/878","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.biblia.work\/sermons\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.biblia.work\/sermons\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.biblia.work\/sermons\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.biblia.work\/sermons\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=878"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.biblia.work\/sermons\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/878\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.biblia.work\/sermons\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=878"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.biblia.work\/sermons\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=878"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.biblia.work\/sermons\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=878"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}