21 BE PROACTIVE, NOT REACTIVE. SET RULES
AND CONSEQUENCES IN ADVANCE. THE OLDER THE CHILD THE MORE THE CHILD
PARTICIPATES IN SETTING BOUNDARIES.

Too often, we find ourselves reacting to a child’s negative behavior and making “on the spot” decisions about what we say and do. Our reactions often become overreactions which fail to teach our child anything except that we’re out of control of ourselves.

Being proactive means …

•     Contracts are set in advance.

•     Boundaries are drawn in advance.

•     Consequences are known in advance.

•     Reactions are appropriate to attitudes and behaviors.

•     Children have participated in both setting the rules and determining ahead of time the consequences.

Being reactive means …

•     Trying to make immediate decisions about correction and consequences.

•     Responding to our emotions instead of our child’s needs.

•     Attempting to make quick decisions instead of implementing prior decisions.

•     Allowing our child to control and manipulate us under stress instead of letting God take control of an already anticipated possibility.

Have you ever discussed with your children what will happen in correction and discipline if they …

•     Lie?

•     Fornicate?

•     Become pregnant?

•     Get arrested?

•     Use drugs?

•     Wreck the car?

•     Steal?

•     Skip school?

“We don’t discuss such things because we don’t want to be any ideas in their head,” explained one parent.

The ideas and temptations are all around our children. We can proactively teach, set boundaries, establish contracts and equip our children to face their temptations, or we can react to disasters that arise out of ignorance, permissiveness, and lack of preparation. Choose to be proactive. Save yourself and your child a lot of grief!

For your family, be proactive like Joshua:

And if it seems evil to you to serve the Lord, choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you dwell. But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord (Joshua 24:15). Action Steps I/We Need to Take