27 WINNING LOSES: IF ONE WINS THE ARGUMENT, BOTH LOSE

“I told you so.” Where does it stop? You know, the finger pointing. When is enough enough? What’s the cost of being right all the time?

To say that conflict never happens in marriage is to deny the uniqueness of the individuals involved. Spouses bring their own pasts, wants, desires and expectations into the marriage, placing them on a collision course with one another—it’s just a matter of time.

However, the test is not that there is no conflict; it’s how the conflict is handled. Marriage is the proving ground of Christian devotion. No other human relationship provides the opportunity to grow in selflessness that marriage does.

It’s possible to be angry without inviting a war. Conflict seeks to inflict pain, cause casualties and ultimately hurt the other person. Express your anger by taking responsibility for your feelings without blaming the other person.

Try this: Say to your mate, “I am angry about____.” Now be quick to listen and slow to speak. Remember that your object is to be understood, not to win an argument. Try to find a solution in which both of you win.

Let nothing be done through selfish ambition
or conceit, but in lowliness of mind
let each esteem others better than himself.
Let each of you look out not only for his own interests,
but also for the interests of others.

Phil. 2:3–4