4 TALKING AT CHILDREN IS A MONOLOGUE WITH
THE PARENT DOING ALL THE TALKING AND LISTENING.

“I’m tired of hearing myself talk.” I can remember my mother frequently making this comment.

Frankly, she was talking, but I wasn’t listening. I had all of her “sermons” memorized. So when she turned on the message, I tuned out.

Failing to learn anything, I began preaching to my children. Then I discovered my children doing the same thing to me—tuning me out. Old habits are hard to break.

Parenting is not an endless succession of sermonettes or monologues that we play over and over again until they are indelibly etched on the minds of our children.

If you find yourself preaching more than teaching, talking more than listening, and using monologues more than dialogues, stop. Use questions and open-ended statements more than threats, dictums, dogmas, and rules. And use “I” messages instead of “You” messages that tend to blame, project feelings, and shut off meaningful dialogue.

Remember that the goal of a conversation with your child is to share, not to “hit and run.” We are often so busy and stressed that we deliver the monologue in a rush as we run out the door, drive out the driveway, or quickly call on the phone. Our concern is to tell them what we want instead of listening, sharing and really understanding.

Put yourself to the test. The next time you are delivering a familiar monologue, stop mid-sentence and see if your child can finish the message. If she can, then you might say, “Will you forgive me for talking at you instead of talking with you?”

Don’t ever forget that it is best to listen much, speak little, and not become angry (James 1:19 TLB).