42 THE GOAL OF HEALTHY FAMILIES IS
INTERDEPENDENCENOT INDEPENDENCE OR DEPENDENCE.

“I can’t wait until my daughter is independent and moves out,” shared a mother.

Some parents live for the day when their child leaves home. Such parents are destined to be lonely in their old age. We are not raising children to be isolated islands in the sea of humanity.

A spirit of independence has so permeated many families that everyone does what is right in his own eyes. This leads to selfishness and brokenness in families.

Imagine three circles representing the family:

Independence—In this circle, everyone is facing outward, away from the middle. No one is holding hands. No face engages another face. No connection is made. Slowly each person moves one step at a time away from the circle. Finally, there is no circle at all. Only isolated individuals exist, lost in a sea of humanity.

Dependence—In this circle, everyone is leaning on one person in the center of the circle. This person is trying to hold up the rest of the circle. The load is heavy on one and non-existent for the others. If that one person on whom everyone depends falls, they all fall. Everyone’s life revolves around the controlling person in the middle.

Interdependence—In this circle, everyone is facing in and holding hands. Everyone can see the others and can freely connect with everyone else. All have their individual identities, but they all need and appreciate one another.

Interdependent families help one another throughout life. They are friends for life. They walk through life, supporting, affirming and helping one another. If one stumbles, the others help pick him up. If one excels, the others rejoice. Families are like a miniature church. Each family member is a part of the whole, important to the whole, and connected to the whole family.

The members should have the same care for one another. And if one member suffers, all the members suffer with it; or if one member is honored, all the members rejoice with it. Now you are the body of Christ, and members individually (1 Cor. 12:25–27). Action Steps I/We Need to Take