5 WANT A CHILD TO TALK? LISTEN! WILLING
SILENCE WITHOUT INTERRUPTIONS PRIMES A CHILD’S FLOW OF COMMUNICATION.

“I can’t stand it when he just sits there and looks at me.” The teenager made this comment about the unbearable pressure he felt when his dad just sat silently in the room with him. No TV. No radio. Nothing else was happening except one-on-one relating.

How long will you wait to hear from your child? Are you willing to be silent until he speaks? Are you able to listen without interrupting what a child is saying even if the comments are painful to hear?

Three-year old Johnny was throwing a temper tantrum. I quietly said, “I will not listen to you if you act like this. When you get over your tantrum, come talk with me.” Then I left the room, responding to his negative behavior with silence. Later he meekly came to see me.

“I know you felt angry and frustrated. Now tell me about it without screaming and yelling,” I coached. He talked. I listened.

Parental silence gives a child permission to speak without interruption. Teach a child to take responsibility for their feelings. It’s not, “You make me feel …,” but rather, “I feel.…” Once a child has vented, then teach how to express feelings and thoughts in a respectful and kind manner. But you will never teach anything until you have first listened, understood, and responded with edification instead of attacking what your child said.

Often my son and I would play golf together and go for long periods of silence. Just being together was enough. Then when he spoke, something really deep and significant would often surface. Silence can produce golden moments of communication.

A time to keep silence, and a time to speak (Eccl. 3:7).