70 BE INTERDEPENDENT, NOT INDEPENDENT OR DEPENDENT

“I don’t know what I will do if Bill dies,” grieved the distraught wife at the bedside of her terminally ill husband. Dying of cancer in his 50s, his wife had become so dependant on him that she couldn’t imagine living without him.

God calls us to become one in marriage, but He doesn’t call us to loose our identity in our spouse. We are crucified with Christ, not to our mate’s identity. The dependent or co-dependent spouse looks solely to her mate for direction and identity in life. One of Albert Ellis’ irrational beliefs is, “I must depend on something or someone stronger than myself.” Of course, we depend on God. But, we don’t stake our existence on another person or thing.

Likewise, the opposite extreme of dependency can be dangerous. If we feel so independent from our spouse, then we live parallel but separate lives that lack intimacy and fulfillment of oneness or covenant in marriage. God’s ideal of oneness is that we each have our own identity in Christ Jesus, but we also share an interdependence in our Christ-centered oneness. We need each other, not to live, but to serve Christ and each other with our best. Try this: Share with your mate all the wonderful ways you need him or her. Or share all the awesome ways Christ’s oneness shines through your marriage.

Two can accomplish more than twice as much as one,
for the results can be much better.
If one falls, the other pulls him up;
but if a man falls when he is alone, he’s in trouble.

Eccl. 4:9–10 TLB