LIQUOR

Wine produces mockers; liquor leads to brawls. Whoever is led astray by drink cannot be wise.

Proverbs 20:1

The person who strays from common sense will end up in the company of the dead.

Proverbs 21:16

Take one reckless natural-born fool, two or three drinks of liquor, and a fast, high-powered car. Soak fool in liquor, place in car, and let go. After due time, remove from wreckage, place in satin-lined box, and garnish with flowers.

Liquor won’t wash away troubles; it will only irrigate them a little.

A sour-faced wife is a liquor dealer’s friend.

I’ve noticed at cocktail parties,

When it’s taken to excess,

Liquor removes the polish

From both furniture and guests.

Never yet have we seen a fellow who could keep himself and his business liquid at the same time.

A pink elephant is a beast of bourbon.

At the punchbowl’s brink

Let the thirsty think

What they say in Japan:

“First the man takes a drink,

Then the drink takes the drink,

Then the drink takes the man!”

Edward Rowland Sill

Hangover: the moaning after the night before.

A drinking man commits suicide on the installment plan.

Cocktail party: A gathering where people drink martinis, spear olives, stab friends, and spill the beans.

We drink to one another’s health,

And yet before we’ve finished

Our round of toasts, our state of health

Has noticeably diminished.

Only weak characters lean on strong drink!

Boozers are losers!

There are two finishes for automobiles: lacquer and liquor.

When we hear a man boasting about how much liquor he can hold, we get a mental picture of an animated garbage can.

Glasses can make driving a lot safer. Providing, of course, that they’re worn instead of emptied.

A college is truly a fountain of knowledge, and a great many go there to drink.

People who say that many things drive them to drink should walk.

Accidents happen every hunting season because both hunter and gun are loaded.

To escape alcoholism is simple. Never take the drink just before the second one.

Yes, liquor still is digging graves.

Of multitudes it first enslaves;

It’s breaking hearts and bringing sighs

And wringing tears from many eyes!

Why battle your way to the top and bottle your way to the bottom?

There’s nothing wrong with drinking like a fish, provided you drink what a fish drinks.

It never fails: men who go out drinking leave as fit as a fiddle but come home tight as a drum.

A drunk is someone who goes into a bar optimistically and leaves misty optically.

Alcoholics are people who don’t no when they’ve had enough.

An alcoholic musician is someone who can’t get past the first bar.

Liquor is a substance that makes married men see double and feel single.

One reason I don’t drink is that I want to know when I’m having a good time.

No alcoholic is really anonymous.

Four reasons for not drinking: the head is clearer, the health is better, the heart is lighter, and the purse is heavier.

When a man drinks too much liquor, he can approach you from several directions at once.

A weak moment with the bottle can mean several weeks in the jug.

One gallon of gas plus one pint of liquor often add up to a first-class funeral.