PRE-381-380. How to Save Your Family from Ruin

380. How to Save Your Family from Ruin

How to Save Your Family from Ruin and Destruction

by David Wilkerson

June 30, 2003

[May 19, 1931 '96 April 27, 2011]

'93Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour'94 (1Pe_5:8). The Bible tells us very clearly that in these last days, the church of Jesus Christ faces the wrath of a raving-mad devil. Satan knows his time is short, and he'92s bent on devouring God'92s people. '93Woe to the inhabiters of the earth and of the sea! For the devil is come down unto you, having great wrath, because he knoweth that he hath but a short time'94 (Rev_12:12).

Where does the devil direct his wrath? He'92s taking aim at families, both saved and unsaved, all over the world. He'92s roaring like a ravenous lion and pouncing on homes to devour them. He'92s hell-bent on destroying marriages, alienating children, pitting family members against each other. And his goal is simple: he wants to bring ruin and destruction to every home he possibly can.

Jesus referred to this demonic work when he described Satan, saying, '93He was a murderer from the beginning'94 (Joh_8:44). Indeed, we see the enemy'92s destructive plan against the very first family. It was the devil who entered Cain and convinced him to kill his brother, Abel.

And this murderer is still at work. The past few years reveal this in horrific ways. Four years ago, the devil took hold of two teenage boys in Colorado and drove them into raging destruction. When the two boys stormed into Columbine High School on a hellish killing spree, the world was stunned. They shot one girl at point-blank range while she was on her knees praying, a girl they knew and respected. Who but Satan himself could have driven them to do this?

I think of the ruin brought upon the families of both the victims and the killers. There have been suicides, mental breakdowns, divorces, traumatized siblings. The destruction of that incident still reverberates beyond belief. And the parents and friends of all involved will grieve for a lifetime.

A year later, Kathleen Hagen, a Harvard-educated pioneer in the field of urology, crept into the bedroom of her aged, sleeping parents in Chatham, New Jersey, and smothered them under pillows. Her father was 92, her mother 86. Hagen then lived in the house for several days, ignoring the dead bodies in the bedroom. When she was taken into custody, she appeared confused and disheveled. But she showed no regrets for what she'92d done. Psychologists were at a loss to explain why such a well-educated woman would asphyxiate her parents and then go about her life as if everything were normal.

Think of the devastation that never got mentioned in this horrible crime story. The pain of family members, the heartbreak of grandchildren '97 what awful ruin and destruction. Who but Satan could have driven such a respected woman to kill her parents, for no apparent cause?

A few years ago, the New York Times printed a disturbing report: '93Despondent Parents Giving Up Their Children.'94 The article told of frustrated parents streaming by the dozens into a sixth-floor Manhattan courtroom, to voluntarily give up their children to foster care. They simply couldn'92t control them anymore. One father couldn'92t handle his teenage son after the boy'92s mother died. Another father gave up his teenage daughter because she was living wildly, totally out of control. Court officials who heard these cases were bewildered. One judge asked a mother who had brought in her daughter, '93Don'92t you want her? Wouldn'92t you like to take your daughter home?'94 The mother wearily shook her head no. The young girl then burst into uncontrollable sobs.

The article pointed out that families were breaking up at an accelerated rate. And New York'92s Family Court was being overwhelmed with the cases. Many of the children being placed in foster homes soon spiraled into a worse condition. Some of them ended up running away and living on the streets.

Especially shocking was another news story, telling of a new breed of drug addict. The headline read: '93Kids Doing Drugs at Home With Parents.'94 Evidently, 30 percent of addicts today say they got hooked at home by their parents, who introduced them to drugs. How on earth could such a thing happen?

These parents had been drug users in their teens. Then later, when their children became teenagers, the parents thought, '93We did drugs, but we survived. And we'92re doing fine today. It'92s better for our kids to do drugs at home rather than on the streets. And it'92s better for them to learn how to handle drugs from us than from their inexperienced friends.'94 So they taught their children how to smoke pot, snort coke and use needles. That way, they reasoned, they could control their kids'92 drug use.

But then payday arrived. Their children got hooked, and their lives have spun out of control. Many have left home and are living on the streets. They'92re mad at their parents, disillusioned by their horrible counsel. And they'92re disheartened by society, having no future. Now the parents are heartbroken, guilt-ridden, crying tears that are much too late. I ask you, how could any parent ever make such a foolish choice? They'92ve brought ruin on their own family. Who but Satan could have blinded their eyes?

The tragedies plaguing families today are simply beyond belief. And the examples I'92ve mentioned are only those happening in America. All over the rest of the world, a raving-mad devil is wreaking absolute havoc. And he won'92t stop until he devours every family in his path.

Amid all this destruction, Satan hasn'92t overlooked Christian homes.

Many believing families have been wracked by chaos, sorrow and pain. And the demonic devastation has come in many ways: through divorce, rebellious children, addictions of all kinds. Yet the result is always the same: a once-happy family is ripped apart and devoured.

I saw this firsthand for over forty years, as addicts and alcoholics came to our ministry'92s drug centers and farms for help. It was a joy to see these devastated men and women get marvelously saved and be delivered from their bondage. Jesus supernaturally changed them and made them into new creatures.

One of the surest signs of a genuine conversion was when a young man or woman began to look back and see what the devil had stolen from them. They sobbed as they clutched a tattered photo of a former spouse, or a child, or a parent. As addicts, they hadn'92t cared about losing their family. Their only concern was alcohol and drugs. But now they wept great tears over what they'92d lost. They pointed to the photo and said, '93Pastor Dave, that'92s my wife. She loved me, and I loved her. And this is my little boy. But I don'92t know where they are now. Look at what I lost'85'94

It was tragic, devastating. In such moments, you realize Satan'92s destructive power on these families. Indeed, the greatest tragedy was never about the addicts'92 devastated bodies, their gaunt appearance, their vacant expression. Rather, it was what had been stolen from them: a spouse, a child, a future. Even worse was what had been stolen from those addicts'92 children: a chance to grow up in a godly home, to know the love of Jesus, to be loved and nurtured by caring parents, to be taught by example to live for the Lord.

Thankfully, many of these former addicts have been blessed by God with restored families. Or, in some cases, they'92ve found a new family in their fellow ministry workers. But I still grieve with them over the destruction they'92ve seen.

Now let me return to the title of my message: '93How to Save Your Family From Ruin and Destruction.'94 Here is what the Holy Spirit has revealed to me on this matter.

In any troubled home, someone has to get hold of Jesus.

There comes a time when certain life situations are beyond human hope. There is no counsel, no doctor or medicine, or anything else that can help. The situation has become impossible. And it requires a miracle, or else it will end in devastation.

At such times, the only hope left is for someone to get to Jesus. Somebody has to get his ear, his attention. It doesn'92t matter who it is, father, mother or child. That person has to take the responsibility to get hold of Jesus. And he has to determine, '93I'92m not leaving until I hear from the Lord. He has to tell me, '91It'92s done. Now, go your way.'92'94

In the Gospel of John, we find just such a family in crisis: '93There was a certain nobleman, whose son was sick at Capernaum'94 (Joh_4:46). This was a family of distinction, perhaps even royalty. A spirit of death hung over the home, as the parents nursed their dying son. There may have been other family members in the home, perhaps aunts and uncles, or grandparents, or other children. And we'92re told the whole household believed, including the servants. '93(The father) believed, and his whole house'94 (4:53).

Someone in that troubled family knew who Jesus was, and had heard of his miraculous power. And somehow, word came to the household that Christ was in Cana, about twenty-five miles away. In desperation, the father took it on himself to get through to the Lord. Scripture tells us, '93When he heard that Jesus was come out of Judea into Galilee, he went unto him'94 (4:47).

Over the years, dozens of mothers in our church have come to me weeping over their devastated family. Maybe the husband had abandoned the family, or a son was in prison, or a daughter was prostituting herself to support a drug habit. Often, the mother is the last hope that the family has to get to Jesus. So she takes on the responsibility to intercede. And she'92s determined to pray until the Lord brings deliverance. She enlists others to pray with her, saying, '93It'92s past the point of hope for us. We need a miracle.'94

The nobleman in Joh_4:1-54 had that kind of determination. And he got through to Jesus. The Bible says he '93besought (Jesus) that he would come down, and heal his son: for he was at the point of death'94 (4:47). What a marvelous picture of intercession. This man set aside everything to seek the Lord to provide a word.

Yet Christ answered him, '93Except ye see signs and wonders, ye will not believe'94 (4:48). What did Jesus mean by this? He was telling the nobleman that a miraculous deliverance wasn'92t his most pressing need. Instead, the number-one issue was the man'92s faith. Think about it: Christ could have gone into that family'92s house, laid hands on the dying son and healed him. Yet all that this family would have known of Jesus was that he worked miracles.

Christ desired more for this man and his family. He wanted them to believe he was God in flesh. So he said to the nobleman, in essence, '93Do you believe it'92s God you'92re beseeching for this need? Do you believe I am the Christ, the Savior of the world?'94 The nobleman replied, '93Sir, come down ere my child die'94 (4:49). At that point, Jesus must have seen faith in this man. It was as if Jesus said, '93He believes I'92m God in flesh.'94 Because next we read, '93Jesus saith unto him, Go thy way; thy son liveth'94 (4:50).

Sadly, many believers go their way before they ever hear from Jesus. But this man went away in faith. What was the difference? He had received a word from the Lord. He had sought God and waited on him in faith. And he wouldn'92t leave until he got a promise of life. '93The man believed the word that Jesus had spoken unto him, and he went his way'94 (4:50).

We can weep for the whole world and yet ignore family members who are dying in sin.

The church of Jesus Christ is supposed to be occupied with winning souls. And most Christians are faithful to do this. We pray for lost nations, for revival in our cities, for our non-Christian neighbors. I thank God that his people are doing this vital work.

Yet, let me ask you: who is praying faithfully for your unsaved father, mother, sister, brother, cousin, grandparent? Prayer for our loved ones ought to be of the utmost importance in our lives. After all, the responsibility for such prayer rests with those who have the Lord'92s ear, who are close enough to him to make requests. Now, if that isn'92t you, then who is it? Who will fervently pray for your family'92s salvation, if you don'92t?

Maybe you say to yourself, '93I'92ve witnessed to my family for years. I'92ve faithfully lived out my testimony before them. They know what I stand for. I just have to entrust them to Jesus now.'94 It'92s true we need to entrust our unsaved loved ones to the convicting ministry of the Holy Ghost. But trusting the Spirit doesn'92t mean we abandon urgent prayer for our family. If we stop interceding for them, we'92re saying, in effect, '93This is hopeless.'94

Trusting the Lord means doing just the opposite. If we truly believe him for their salvation and deliverance, we'92ll cry as the nobleman did: '93Please, Jesus, come now. Act quickly, before my loved one is lost forever.'94 Only aggressive, fervent praying can combat Satan'92s destructive aims to ruin our family. Halfhearted prayers won'92t bring down his strongholds. We have to be shaken out of our own concerns and get serious about praying. And we have to stay near Jesus until his word comes.

When Christ was on the coasts of Tyre and Sidon, '93a woman of Canaan came out'85and cried unto him, saying, Have mercy on me, O Lord, thou son of David; my daughter is grievously vexed with a devil'94 (Mat_15:22). Satan had moved into this woman'92s home and possessed her daughter. The word for '93grievously'94 here comes from a root word meaning depraved. In short, the girl was vile, wicked, being driven by Satan.

Now, this was not an evil mother. Even though she was a Gentile, she believed. After all, she addressed Jesus as '93Lord, son of David.'94 In effect, she was saying, '93You'92re the Savior, God'92s Messiah.'94 At this point, a question arises: how does Satan gain access to the child of a believer? How does he possess children who live in a godly home?

Perhaps you'92re a Christian parent. You'92ve raised your child in church and done your best to show him the right way. But now, after years of attending Sunday school and hearing anointed sermons in church, he has become cold and indifferent to the things of God. He couldn'92t care less about serving Jesus. And you wonder, '93Lord, how could this have happened?'94

Over the years, I'92ve seen this occur with many children of ministers. Multitudes of these young people entered our Teen Challenge drug centers after being strung out with addictions. They were raised in godly homes, but somehow they went bad. Their lives began to be driven by demonic powers. And they grew addicted to drugs, alcohol, pornography, prostitution.

As you read this, you may be breathing a sigh of relief, thinking, '93Thank God, that'92s not my son, my daughter. I'92ve got good kids. I'92ve been careful to raise them in the fear and knowledge of the Lord. They know the right way. They may not be on fire for Jesus, but at least they'92re not using drugs.'94

Such parents are right to be thankful. Yet they never fear that their child may be lukewarm toward Jesus. According to the Lord himself, being lukewarm is as terrible a condition as being demonically oppressed. When Christ warned, '93I will spew you out of my mouth,'94 he wasn'92t addressing drug addicts. He was speaking to lukewarm believers in his church (see Rev_2:1-29; Rev_3:1-22). Jesus knows that a lukewarm spirit can lull any believer into demonic temptations from hell.

Your children may be kind, polite, well-behaved. They may shun the wrong crowd, respect their elders and be morally upright. But if they'92re not wholehearted in their love for Jesus '97 if they'92re just drifting along spiritually '97 they'92re in danger. You see, any child who'92s raised in a believing home is already a prime target of Satan. The devil goes after those families who are most fervent in their love for Jesus. But now your child'92s lukewarmness has made the enemy'92s job easier. He'92ll delight over how easy it is to snare your son or daughter into sinful bondage.

Even the most devoted Christians '97 including ministers '97 can be blind to the trap Satan has laid for their spiritually passive children. The enemy is constantly looking to snuff out even the small spark of spiritual life that'92s in them. I urge you, Christian parent: don'92t let the devil get to your child. Get on your face daily, and surround your young one with intercession. God has given you the power to shake them out of their lukewarm state.

When my children were teenagers, I thought I could simply love them into God'92s kingdom. I told myself, '93I'92ll be there for my kids. I'92ll be a pal to them. I just need to be available to them, so they can communicate their needs to me.'94

Then one day my oldest son, Gary, came home from school, sobbing. He went straight to his room and threw himself on his bed. When I asked what was wrong, he answered, '93Dad, I don'92t believe there'92s a God. It'92s all a myth.'94

I knew then that all the love in the world couldn'92t resolve this kind of demonic attack. And simply being able to communicate with my son wasn'92t going to take care of the problem. I couldn'92t merely tell myself, '93This is just a phase. Gary will grow out of it. He'92s a good boy. And he knows I love him.'94

No, I had to come to grips with what I saw going on before me: Satan was trying to rob my son of his genuine, fervent faith. I had seen Gary give his life to Jesus at age five, and I knew his faith was precious. Now the enemy wanted that faith. And he was trying to use doubt and unbelief to destroy it. Indeed, Satan was aiming for the very nerve center of our family: our confidence in Jesus.

I knew I had only one option. I went to my prayer closet. And I closed the door behind me, got on my face, and settled in for battle. I determined, '93Satan, you'92re not going to have my son.'94 From that day forward, I cried out to the Lord on Gary'92s behalf. I pleaded, '93Lord, keep my boy from the wicked one.'94

The change that eventually took place in Gary didn'92t happen overnight, or within a week, or even months. He still battled with confusion. But the time came when Gary'92s confidence in Jesus was restored. And if you'92ve read my messages for any length of time, you know that Gary has served in full-time ministry since he was a teenager. He has been a devoted lover of Jesus. And for the past year, I'92ve had the privilege of preaching alongside him to gatherings of other ministers.

Each of my other three children has had their own unique trials of faith. But just as happened with Gary, the Lord has been faithful to see Debbie, Bonnie and Greg through as well. Like their brother, they also grew to become godly lovers of Jesus and servants in ministry. Yet my intercession for my family has never stopped. Now my wife, Gwen, and I have joined our adult children in praying for our ten grandchildren.

By all appearances, Jesus ignored the mother'92s plea.

The woman with the vexed daughter persisted in seeking Jesus. Finally, the disciples urged their master, '93Lord, send her away, get rid of her. She won'92t stop bothering us.'94 Note Jesus'92 response to the woman'92s pleas: '93He answered her not a word'94 (Mat_15:23). Evidently, Christ ignored the whole situation. Why would he do this? We know our Lord has never turned a deaf ear to the cry of any sincere seeker.

The fact is, Jesus knew this woman'92s story would be told to every future generation. And he wanted to reveal a truth to all who would read it. So, he tested the tenacity of the woman'92s faith. When he finally spoke to her, he said, '93I am not sent but unto the lost sheep of the house of Israel'94 (15:24). Christ was saying, in short, '93I came for the salvation of the Jews. Why should I waste their gospel on a Gentile?'94

Now, this statement would have sent most of us on our way. But the woman didn'92t budge. Her daughter'92s condition was a matter of life and death to her. And she wasn'92t going to give Jesus any rest until he gave her what she needed.

I ask you, how often do you give up on prayer? How many times have you grown weary and reasoned, '93I'92ve sought the Lord. I'92ve prayed and asked. I just didn'92t get any results'94? Well, was it a matter of life and death to you? Did you truly seek the Lord with all your heart, soul, mind and strength, knowing there was no other source?

Consider how this woman responded. She didn'92t reply with a complaint, or an accusing finger, saying, '93Why are you denying me, Jesus?'94 No, Scripture says just the opposite: '93Then came she and worshipped him, saying, Lord, help me'94 (15:25).

What follows next is hard to read. Once again, Jesus rebuffed the woman. Only this time his reply was even harsher. He told her, '93It is not meet [right] to take the children'92s bread, and to cast it to dogs'94 (15:26).

It'92s important for us to understand that Jewish believers of that day considered Gentiles to be no higher than dogs in God'92s eyes. Of course, Jesus didn'92t accept this; he wouldn'92t cast a racial slur at any child of the Creator Father. But he knew this woman was aware of the Jews'92 attitude toward Gentiles. And, once again, he was testing her.

Now the mother answered him, '93Truth, Lord: yet the dogs eat of the crumbs which fall from their masters'92 table'94 (15:27). What an incredible reply. This determined woman was not going to relent in her pursuit of Jesus. And the Lord commended her for it. Jesus said to her, '93O woman, great is thy faith: be it unto thee even as thou wilt. And her daughter was made whole from that very hour'94 (15:28).

Beloved, we'92re not to settle for crumbs. We have been promised all the grace and mercy we need for our crises. And that includes every crisis involving our families, saved or unsaved. We'92ve been invited to come boldly to Christ'92s throne, with confidence. And we'92re to present to him our every need, whether it'92s an unbelieving parent or a rebellious child. We may not see every loved one get right with the Lord or turn their life around. But we can erect great roadblocks around them, to stop their race to hell. We can pray down conviction on them, and pray up protective hedges around them. We can also pray people into their lives to witness to them.

Yet, there'92s one thing I can assure you: these things will never happen if we simply resign them to fate. We may try to convince ourselves, '93I just have to take the matter on faith now.'94 But that'92s a phony alibi. All it does is keep us from spilling our spiritual sweat and labor in intercession for our loved ones'92 souls.

I urge you, make this your prayer: '93Lord, if one of mine is lost, it won'92t be because I didn'92t pray. It won'92t be because I took your Spirit'92s work in their lives for granted. And it won'92t be because I didn'92t weep over them. Whatever it takes, I'92m going to do battle in intercession for them, till one of us goes home to be with you.'94

By: David Wilkerson