TALKATIVENESS

And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity: so is the tongue among our members, that it defileth the whole body, and setteth on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire of hell.

—Jas. 3:6

6372 What If Nothing To Say?

When the telephone was invented, someone told Thoreau that now the people in Massachusetts could talk to the people in Texas. Thoreau wisely questioned, “But suppose the people in Massachusetts have nothing to say to the people in Texas?”

—Sidney W. Powell

6373 Edison’s Talking Machine

Once when introducing Thomas A. Edison at a dinner, the toastmaster mentioned his many inventions, dwelling at length on the talking machine. The aged inventor then rose to his feet, smiled and said gently to his audience: “I thank the gentleman for his kind remarks, but I must insist upon a correction. God invented the talking machine. I only invented the first one that can be shut off.”

6374 Observe With Care

If your lips would keep from slips,

Five things observe with care:

Of whom you speak, to whom you speak,

And how and when and where.

6375 Wright Not A Parrot

Orville Wright was reproached for not taking up the challenge of the Smithsonian Institute that it was Langley, not the Wrights, who was the first to fly.

“The trouble with you, Orville,” said a friend, “is that you are too taciturn—you don’t assert yourself enough. You should press-agentize.”

“My dear friend,” Orville Wright answered, “the best talker and the worst flier among the birds is the parrot.”

6376 Socrates’ Fees

A young man was sent to Socrates to learn oratory. On being introduced to the philosopher, he talked so incessantly that Socrates asked for double fees. “Why charge me double?” “Because I must teach you two sciences: the one how to hold your tongue and the other how to speak. The first science is the more difficult, but aim at proficiency at it, or you will suffer greatly and create trouble without end.”

6377 The Forty-Nine-Year Lesson

Socrates, the ecclesiastical historiographer, reports a story of one Pambo, a plain, ignorant man, who came to a learned man, and desired him to teach him some psalm or other. He began to read unto him the Thirty-ninth Psalm, “I said, I will take heed to my ways, that I sin not with my tongue.” Having passed this first verse, Pambo shut the book, and took his leave, saying that he would go learn that point first.

When he had absented himself for the space of some months, he was demanded by his reader when he would go forward. He answered, that he had not yet learned his old lesson; and he gave the very same answer to one that asked the same question, forty-nine years after.

—Spencer

6378 Repeating Lord’s Prayer

“I wish,” said Luther, “that women would repeat the Lord’s prayer before opening their mouths.”

6379 “Small Things”

One little, unshed raindrop

May think itself too small;

Yet, somewhere, a thirsty flower

Awaits its fall.

One little word, unspoken,

May seem too small to say;

But, somewhere, for that one word,

A heart may pray.

—Helen T. Allison

6380 Power Of Words

A careless word may kindle strife.

A cruel word may wreck a life,

A bitter word may hate instill;

A brutal word may smite and kill,

A gracious word may smooth the way;

A joyous word may light the day.

A timely word may lessen stress;

A loving word may heal and bless.

—Author Unknown

6381 Barbershop Talk

A barbershop in Paris has two sections: one for customers who wish to talk: the other for those who don’t. The “talk” section is subdivided into four cubicles labeled: “Sports,” “General Topics,” “Family Troubles” and “Stock Market.”

—Janik Press Service

6382 Talk Or Holler

When a nine-year-old was asked if his two-year-old brother had started to talk yet, he replied, “Why should he talk? He gets everything he wants by hollering.”

There are a lot of “children” in our grown-up society who seem nowadays to get “everything they want by hollering.”

—Christian Victory

6383 Thirsty Lady—Before And After

On one of his practically non-stop transcontinental lecture tours, Mark Twain after a very heavy day was about to fall asleep, exhausted, in his Pullman berth. Just as sleep was about to engulf his consciousness, he was startled by the querulous voice of an old lady intoning over and over, “Oh, I am so thirsty. Oh, I am so thirsty.” This was repeated with maddening regularity and persistence.

Unable to stand it any longer after tossing and turning for a while, Mark got up and groped down the car in his nightclothes and brought the old lady a glass of water. The old lady duly thanked him and Mark returned to his berth, looking forward to curling up in a deep sleep the minute his head hit the pillow.

His expectation was about to be fulfilled when, all of a sudden, he sat bolt upright and with horror heard the too-familiar voice intoning:

“Oh, I was so thirsty. Oh, I was so thirsty.”

6384 Patient’s Tongue In Place

After telling his fair patient to put out her tongue, the doctor continued writing out the prescription. When he had finished he turned to her and said: “There, that will do.” “But, doctor,” protested the lady, “you never even looked at my tongue.” And the M.D. replied: “It wasn’t necessary. I just wanted you to keep quiet while I wrote the prescription.”

6385 Movie Picture Of Her Jaws

Sam’s wife had injured her jaw and had to visit the emergency department at the local hospital.

“Did they take an X-ray photo of your wife’s jaw at the hospital?” an interested friend inquired.

“They tried to,” explained Sam, “but they ended up with a moving picture.”

6386 Epigram On Talkativeness

•     George Gobel notes: “One picture is worth 10,000 words—but for some reason most women prefer to use 10,000 words.”

•     “Do you object to your wife having the last word?” “Not at all. I’m delighted when she gets to it.”

•     If silence is golden, not many people can be arrested for hoarding.

—E. C. Mckenzie

•     Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.

—Plato

•     A preacher visited a family where the father had just died. He asked the young son, “What were your father’s last words?”

“He didn’t have any,” said the boy. “Mama was with him to the end.”

THE TONGUE

6387 Two Jesters On Errand

There is a story in the Jewish Talmud about a king who sent two jesters on an errand. In instructing them, he said, “Foolish Simon, go and bring me back the best thing in the world. And you Silly John, go and find for me the worst thing in the world.”

Both clowns were back in short order, each carrying a package.

Simon bowed low and grinned. “Behold, Sire, the best thing in the world.” His package contained a tongue.

John snickered and quickly unwrapped his bundle. “The worst thing in the world, Sire.” Another tongue!

6388 Market’s Best And Worst Things

The heathen philosopher Xanthus, expecting some friends to dine with him, ordered his servant Aesop to provide the best things the market could supply. Tongues only were provided; and these the cook was ordered to serve up with different sauces. Course after course was supplied, each consisting of tongue.

“Did I not order you,” said Xanthus in a violent passion, “to buy the best victuals the market afforded?” “And have I not obeyed your orders?” said Aesop. “Is there anything better than a tongue? Is not the tongue the bond of civil society, the organ of truth and reason, and the instrument of our praise and adoration of the gods?”

Xanthus ordered him to go again to the market on the morrow, and buy the worst things he could find. Aesop went, and again he purchased tongues, which the cook was ordered to serve as before. “What! tongues again?” exclaimed Xanthus. “Most certainly,” rejoined Aesop, “the tongue is surely the worst thing in the world. It is the instrument of all strife and contention, the inventor of lawsuits, and the source of division and wars: it is the organ of error, of lies, calumny and blasphemies.”

—Foster

6389 Tongue-Tied In Cold

It was so cold in Hamilton, Ontario, that this took place: Linda Revill, 9, was on her way to school in sub-freezing weather when she decided to put her tongue on a metal cross outside a church. A policeman had to warm the cross with towels soaked in warm water to release Linda.

6390 Crocodile’s Mouth

People would perhaps be fortunate to be like crocodiles, at least in one respect. The crocodiles have jaw, lips and teeth, but no tongue.

6391 Snail’s Tongue

A snail is a very interesting creature. Naturalists tell us that it has teeth on its tongue! A scientist examining one such organ under his microscope counted as many as 30,000. The snail keeps its toothy little tool rolled up like a ribbon, until it is needed; then it thrusts out this sharp appendage and, although its teeth are very small, it saws through the toughest leaves and stems with comparative ease.

6392 Why Moses’ “Slow Of Speech”

The account given in the Talmud is as follows: Pharaoh was one day sitting on his throne with Moses on his lap, when the child took off the king’s crown and put it on his own head. The “wise men” tried to persuade the king that this was treason, for which the child ought to be put to death; but Jethro, priest of Midian, replied, “It is the act of a child who knows no better. Let two plates be set before him, one containing gold and the other red-hot coals, and you will readily see he will prefer the latter to the former.”

The experiment being tried, the little boy snatched up the live coal, put it into his mouth, and burnt his tongue so severely that he was ever after “heavy or slow of speech.”

—E. Cobham Brewer

6393 Reciprocal Shearing

A woman once came to one of the old Puritan divines of London and told him that the bands which he wore with his pulpit gown were altogether too long, and that they annoyed her greatly. She would like his permission to shorten them. Confident of his acquiescence, she had come armed with a pair of scissors. The minister mildly acquiesced and handed over the offending bands to the woman, who shortened them according to her taste with her scissors and then handed the fragments back to the minister.

When he received them, he thanked her and said: “Now, my good woman, there is something about you that is altogether too long, and which has annoyed me greatly, and since one good turn deserves another, I would like permission to shorten it.”

“Certainly,” said the woman, “you have permission to do so, and here are the shears.”

Whereupon the worthy divine said, “Very well, madam, put out your tongue.”

—C. E. Macartney

6394 Cicero’s Tongue

Mark Anthony, while absent on an expedition in Gaul, was by the influence and efforts of Cicero declared by the Senate to be a public enemy. When he returned to Rome, his soldiers, entering the Senate house, demanded the consulship for their master, and he was made consul. Anthony proscribed Cicero, who fled, but was overtaken and seized.

The head of Cicero was cut off and presented to Fulvia, the wife of Anthony. She thrust her bodkin through the tongue of the victim, saying, “Now, wag no more.” By her orders the head was hung by its protruding tongue upon a post in the Forum.

6395 Epigram On Talkativeness

•     An aged saint once said, “Many of us are like a pair of old shoes—all worn out but the tongue!”

—B. G. Bosh

•     However sharp is the knife, sharper yet is the human tongue.”

—Malay Proverb

THE RESULTS

6396 Talking And Long Life

A Soviet gerontologist published research statistics that could transform the old adage, “He kills me with his chatter” into “He’s killing himself with his chatter.”

Professor Gurianin says his statistics show that the less one talks, the longer one lives. Anyone in the conference industry knows that constant talking exhausts one physically and mentally, and ages one prematurely. Deaf people, hermits, shepherds and monks—all usually taciturn—are known for living long lives.

6397 Doublespeak Award

The National Committee on “Doublespeak,” a wing of the National Council of Teachers of English, is dedicated to preventing the American language from deteriorating into balderdash and piffle.

They face a difficult task, since the number of professional word-manipulators is at an all-time high.

The Doublespeak Committee presents an annual award for the best examples. The 1975 winner was Yassir Arafat leader of the Palestine Liberation Organization: “We do not want to destroy any people. It is precisely because we have been advocating co-existence that we have shed so much blood.”

6398 Harvard Prof. Ate Shirt

At least one man—a chemistry professor at Harvard—kept his promise to “eat his shirt” when he lost a wager several years ago. To make it digestible, he dissolved the garment in acid, neutralized the acid with a base, filtered out the precipitated material, spread it on a slice of bread and had it for lunch.

6399 Krafft’s Potash Field

When Krafft learned there was a rich supply of potash under his neighbor’s seemingly worthless swampland, he hurried over to make a deal before Dan got wise too. They both knew the swampy acreage was just a tax drag, Krafft lied blandly, but with it handy to graze his cattle, he’d pay $2,000 for the land.

This sounded like finding money, and Dan grabbed at the offer. But when he saw Krafft begin dredging out potash, the valuable mineral that’s used in glassmaking, Dan sued him for the land’s true value.

“Krafft pulled a fast one,” Dan complained. “He knew there was a fortune in my swamp, and that talk about wanting it for his cows was only a pack of lies to swindle me.”

“A buyer doesn’t have to spoil a good bargain by telling everything he knows, does he?” Krafft shrugged. “Anyhow, Dan got more than he ever expected for his land, so nobody’s hurt if I make a nice gain on my investment.”

Now, here’s the point of law you must decide—can Dan collect the difference between “worthless acreage” and a valuable potash deposit?

Yes, Krafft had to pay another $73,000. A buyer needn’t reveal all he knows, Nebraska’s Supreme Court held, but Krafft had pretended he wanted the land for grazing, and he made a point about its being worthless. “Having of his own volition spoken when speech wasn’t required, he should have confined himself to the truth,” the court concluded. “His passive privilege of remaining silent for the purpose of availing himself of the fruits of superior knowledge did not include affirmative aid amounting to deceit.”

—Florence K. Palmer

6400 Hitler And The Word

In the momentous hour when Nazism was in its nascent stage, Hitler spoke to a group of people in a beer cellar in Munich. His inflammatory words which bristled with hate, were mirrored in the hardened faces of the evil group, and soon they engulfed the world in war.

An artist has portrayed the scene, putting on canvas the facial reactions of the group to Hitler’s fiery words. He gave this title to the painting: “In the Beginning Was the Word.”

6401 At Least Something Said

A man who was regarded as being no genius went to his father- in-law’s for the first time, and he wished to make a good impression. So his friend said to him, “If you do not utter a single word you will be thought a fool, so say something, if only a greeting.” “Yes, I quite understand.” When he went there he was silent from the beginning to the end, but just as he was leaving he said to his father-in-law, “Have you ever seen a duck with arms?” “No, I haven’t.” “Nor have I,” he replied. It would have been better to say nothing at all.

—Japanese Anecdote

6402 Practicing On Wife’s Ear

A young physicist told me that he often discusses his projects with his wife. “I describe in detail what I’m doing, and she doesn’t understand a word. But sometimes, when I’m through, I do.”

—National Geographic

6403 Anxious To Hear Himself

The toastmaster introduced the speaker with great fervor, stressing her years of faithful service to the club and eulogizing her ability and charm. Somewhat overwhelmed, the speaker faced the audience.

“After such an introduction,” she said disarmingly, “I can hardly wait to hear what I’m going to say.”

—Adnelle H. Heskett

6404 Epigram On Talkative (Results)

•     The pheasant would not be shot but for its cries.

—Japanese Proverb

•     Our talks are often in first drafts—lots of corrections necessary!

•     The trouble with telling a good story is that it always reminds the other guy of a dull one.

•     I’m careful of the words I say to keep them soft and sweet. I never know from day to day which ones I’ll have to eat.

—Lay o’ the Land

•     It’s more important to get in the first thought than the last word.

See also: Accusers ; Complaining ; Murmuring ; Rumors.