LAWS
OF THE MOVIES

Topics: Morality; Movies; Reality

Reference: John 8:32

Watch enough movies, and you pick up a system of truisms. Some of them:

•     All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.

•     The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place.

•     The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.

•     A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

•     Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.

•     Persons knocked unconscious by a blow to the head will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.

•     You can always park directly outside the building you are visiting.

•     Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds—unless it’s the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside; then the door must be knocked down.

•     All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they will go off.

•     Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.

•     It is not necessary to say hello or good-bye when beginning or ending phone conversations.

•     Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.

•     It doesn’t matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts; your enemies will wait to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.

—Anonymous