WORKING
IT OUT

Topics: Character; Conflict; Decisions; Marriage; Relationships; Unity; Values

Reference: Colossians 3:15

A young, ambitious guy at Amoco got a promotion that required a transfer to Cairo. He went home to his new wife and young baby and said, “Great news, we’re moving to Cairo.”

Appalled, his wife said, “You’re moving alone. I’m going home to my mother.”

That was the first test of leadership in that family. There was no apparent compromise. If he gave up his promotion, he would resent his wife for ruining his career. But if she went along with the move, she would hate him for squashing her ideals for the baby and herself. What to do?

They had a long discussion, going back to the fundamentals, asking questions such as, Is this my career or ours? Is the baby yours or mine? Are we individuals, or do we operate as a team? What are our values?

The couple ended up going to Cairo, but not before their relationship had been transformed—she understanding that his career was important to her, and he recommitting to his values as a participant in the family.

What matters is not what they ended up choosing, but how. They took the courageous step to redefine from the inside out who they truly were. The how is what gives you character. The what, which at first appears paramount, is ultimately of no emotional significance.

—Peter Koestenbaum, “Fear and Trembling in the New Economy,” Fast Company (March 2001)