BEING
YOURSELF WITH GOD

Topics: Grace; Prayer; Surrender

References: Romans 8:15–17; Colossians 1:22

I took Bekah, six, to audition for the part of a munchkin in The Wizard of Oz. The thought that she might not get the part seemed never to occur to her. I encouraged her but didn’t say anything about her chances.

I had no idea that 250 children would show up for 50 parts. In a huge gym, the two directors had the children line the four edges of the cavernous building, the tallest on one end trailing down to the shortest on the other end. The directors went through the line, having each child say his or her name and age. They did it again, this time urging, “Say your name loud. Say it with animation.” The boisterous, enthusiastic kids were told to sit down, marking them in a kind of first cut. I watched as they finally got to Bekah. I was at the opposite end, but my heart sank when I could not hear her. She was too quiet, too restrained.

The directors gave the kids other chances, other quick assignments. But I could never hear Bekah. I knew she was not standing out. The expressive, outgoing kids were getting the parts.

Finally, the long two hours came to a close with the kids all gathered in a knot around the directors. The names of the chosen 50 were read off a list. I knew already that Bekah hadn’t made it.

Bekah threaded her way to me afterward, cheeks flushed. She hugged me hard as we prepared to walk out. “I’m proud of you,” I said. “I am so impressed that you auditioned.” Then I said, quietly, “I’m sorry you didn’t get a part.”

That broke Bekah’s tear floodgates. She grabbed at me and sobbed. I picked her up, and she buried her face in my shoulder.

The next morning, I overheard Bekah talking with her mother. “The kids who got parts didn’t behave right,” she said. “I was good. I was quiet like I was supposed to be. And I didn’t get a part!” She had equated goodness with restraint. She was trying hard but in the wrong way. She thought the directors wanted reserve, stiff attention, frozen alertness. That was “good.” But Bekah didn’t understand: The directors wanted energy, emotion, loudness. They wanted kids who could be themselves with abandon.

Many people, I suspect, feel that way around God—restrained, rigid, tight. They can’t relax and simply receive God’s wondrous grace. And they miss the opportunity to awaken to the grace-filled kindness of God.

—Timothy Jones, Awake My Soul (Doubleday, 1999)