REVERSING
OUR ROLES

Topics: Compromise; Control; Goals; Greed; Insensitivity; Marriage; Motives; Sacrifice; Self-centeredness; Unselfishness

References: Acts 20:35; 1 Corinthians 10:24; Ephesians 5:21–33; Philippians 2:3–4; Colossians 3:18–19; 1 Peter 3:7

I’ve asked my wife through the years to support me in various ventures. When we were first married, I was a youth pastor and was taking classes at the University of Colorado at Denver. I then decided to be a writer. So Jana and I moved to the Chicago suburbs so I could take a job as a writer and editor. About four years later, I became restless, so I began working on a master’s degree in business. I expected her again to sacrifice.

By that time, we had one child, and I got a book contract. So I was working full-time, going to graduate school two nights a week, and writing a book. Then I decided to start my business. By this time, we had two children. The week I told Jana I was leaving my secure job to start a business, she told me she was pregnant. Again, who sacrificed?

Recently Jana told me she wanted to go back to school. How did I respond? I became unsupportive and critical. We don’t have the money, I thought. Or, You actually need to work more, because … It didn’t matter that we didn’t have the money when I wanted my MBA or wanted to start my business. This was different. Or was it?

I had a great opportunity to give up power, to sacrifice some of the things I wanted so I could help my wife with her dreams. But I told Jana the other day, “I know in my head that I need to do this, and it’s killing me because it’s so difficult.” Why? Because I think about what I have to give up. I want to meet my goals.

—Interview with Dave Goetz, Marriage Partnership (Winter 2006)