CHILD-REARING
We live in a time of social decay, expansion of evil in the world, and worsening trends. Have we therefore reached a point where we should call it quits on having a family? No, absolutely not!
Remember history’s lessons. Pharaoh was throwing Hebrew babies into the Nile River when Moses was born. The finest of Israel’s youth were led into captivity to serve a pagan and evil empire in Daniel’s day. Herod was murdering male children after God’s own Son was born. The past has been even darker than today. God is still perfectly capable of giving us children who will develop into mature adults.101
Every one who raises a child has times of intense frustration over the task. There are days when it seems as if the child will never learn, never respond correctly, never get things right. Perhaps it would raise your patience threshold to try to write with your left hand—and then remember that a child is all “left hand” while he or she is learning.102
Pouring concrete is hard work. A solid base must be prepared before anything else is done. Then, when the concrete is poured, it must be shaped before it sets, because once set up, change is only possible if preceded by removal of what has already been laid down. If done correctly, a well-poured footing will last far beyond the original owner’s lifetime. If done incorrectly, the evidence will appear soon enough as a crumbling surface, structural cracks, and a shift in walls and floors.
Raising children is like pouring concrete. Before a baby arrives, a couple should prepare a solid base in their marriage and share a readiness for parenting. After the child arrives, the first few years can be likened to the time before the concrete sets up. By our presence (more than presents), by careful and thoughtful attention to the thousands of details and tens of thousands of repetitions required, by unfailing prayer and careful instruction in the things of the Lord, we parents attempt to set a mold that will last a lifetime and more—into eternity.103
An unknown author has written these powerful thoughts, expressing the influence for good or evil that our lives exert on others. While they refer to parents in particular, they also apply to Christians in general. After reading each statement, ask yourself, “Are people learning this from me?”
If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn.
If a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight.
If a child lives with fear, he learns to be apprehensive.
If a child lives with pity, he learns to feel sorry for himself.
If a child lives with jealousy, he learns to feel guilty.
If a child lives with encouragement, he learns to be self-confident.
If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient.
If a child lives with praise, he learns to be appreciative.
If a child lives with acceptance, he learns to love.
If a child lives with approval, he learns to like himself.
If a child lives with recognition, he learns to have a goal.
If a child lives with fairness, he learns what justice is.
If a child lives with honesty, he learns what truth is.
If a child lives with sincerity, he learns to have faith in himself and those around him.
If a child lives with love, he learns that the world is a wonderful place to live in.104
The New Jersey Commissioner of Corrections gave the following comment on the “Scared Straight” program and related television documentary: “[Parents] want it to be successful. They want to … overcome sixteen years of neglect at home by letting their kids spend two hours with convicts.” (Cited by Charles Colson, Jubilee Prison Fellowship Newsletter, 3:5 [July 1978], p. 3.)105
As young Johnny reached for the ringing phone one Saturday, his dad sighed through his teeth: “If it’s the guy from the office, tell him I’m not home.” That evening the family went out for dinner. Before leaving the restaurant, Johnny’s mother looked at the check and mentioned that the waitress had undercharged them. “That’s their tough luck,” mumbled the father. On the way home, they joked about the box that dad had bought for the dashboard of the car. He called it the “fuzz buster” and bragged that it had already paid for itself when considering the speeding tickets he might otherwise have received.
Later that night, as Johnny finished his Sunday-school lesson, he thought what a good Saturday it had been. How much better than last weekend—when his father had grounded him for cheating on his arithmetic test.106
The following article appeared in a local newspaper as an “Open Letter to My Parents”:
I am your child. You have brought me into this world and raised me to what I am today. If I am not what I should be, please do not be too harsh with me, for I am your product, and by my actions I advertise the quality standard of home. Do not point at one of my playmates as an example of how I should behave, for by doing so you are admitting that they are doing a better job than you.
You say that you love me, and yet it has been years since you put your arms about me at bedtime and with tears in your eyes asked your heavenly Father to watch over me as I slept. You seem to be more interested in my school grades than in the condition of my eternal soul. You give me the impression that it is better to be popular than to be pure; better to be attractive on the outside than to have that “inner beauty” that comes to one who loves the Lord.
So the next time you feel like throwing up your hands and saying, “I just can’t do a thing with you,” please remember you have had the opportunity to influence me since I was born, and that the Bible says, “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it” (Prov. 22:6).107
Former President Theodore Roosevelt is reported to have said: “It is exceedingly interesting and attractive to be a successful businessman, or railroad man, or farmer, or a successful lawyer or doctor, or a writer, or a President.… But for unflagging interest and enjoyment, a household of children, if things go reasonably well, certainly makes all other forms of success and achievement lose their importance by comparison.”108
Socrates said to the people of Athens: “Why do you turn and scrape every stone to gather wealth and take so little care of your children to whom one day you must relinquish all?”109
Anyone with a small child must feel as Cardinal Wolsey felt about Henry VIII: “Be well advised and assured what you put in his head, for ye shall never pull it out again.”110