ESCALATING
CONFLICT

Topics: Apology; Conflict; Gossip; Integrity; Relationships; Slander; Speech; Temptation; Truthfulness

References: Proverbs 21:23; Ephesians 4:29–32; Philippians 4:2–3; Colossians 3:12–14; James 3:1–12

A family in our church recently had their basement finished by a contractor. The process ended up being a construction nightmare. I somehow got caught in the middle of the dispute.

As the conflict escalated, I got calls from both sides, each trying to use me to reinforce his case. Such conversations quickly turned negative. The home owner once told me, “Not only does the contractor do shoddy work, but I’ve heard stories about how unethical he has been in paying former employees.”

The contractor was guilty of the same kind of talk. Eventually I, too, found myself succumbing to the temptation of letting my knowledge of the other party leak out in conversations with each side. Soon I caught myself and moved back to a neutral position. But by then I had already said too much. One party confronted me about my loose tongue. I had to admit my error to both parties. In the end, my error turned out to be a lesson for all three of us.

Conflict has a way of growing a small snowslide into a full-scale avalanche. On its way downhill, it can sweep victims into its wake. A conflict has the potential to mar the integrity of combatants on both sides. That happens as each side seeks to garner support for its position—making exaggerated statements, shading the truth, and impugning the motives of others.

—Gary Preston, Boulder, Colorado