FALSE PROPHETS
And many false prophets shall rise and shall deceive many.
—Matt. 24:11
1546 No Questions Asked
The following advertisement was clipped from a college newspaper:
WOULD YOU LIKE TO BECOME A MINISTER? ORDINATION is without question and for life. LEGAL in all 50 states and most foreign countries. Perform legal marriages, ordinations and funerals. Receive discounts on some fares. Over 265,000 ministers have already been ordained. Minister’s credentials and license sent; an ordainment certificate for framing and an ID card for your billfold. We need your help to cover mailing, handling, and administration costs. Your generous contribution is appreciated. ENCLOSE A FREE WILL OFFERING.
1547 Doctor Of Divinity, Anyone?
In Evanston, Illinois, are the “Missionaries of the New Truth” who also advertise under the heading: “We want you to join our faith as an ORDAINED MINISTER with the rank of DOCTOR OF DIVINITY.”
They state: “We are a fast-growing faith, actively seeking new members who believe as we do that all men should seek the truth in their own way, by any means they deem right. As a minister of the faith you can: Set up your own church and apply for exemption from property and other taxes; perform marriages and exercise all other ecclesiastical powers; seek draft exemption as one of our working missionaries. We can tell you how. Get sizeable cash grants for doing missionary work for us; some transportation companies, hotels, theaters, etc., give ministers reduced rates. GET THE WHOLE PACKAGE FOR $100.00.” This “ordination” is declared to be legal and valid anywhere in this country.
—Christian Victory
1548 Ordination Of A Dog
“Sadie,” a Labrador retriever belonging to the Charles Thurber family in Terra Linda, California, was ordained as a minister of faith by the Hilltop House Church in San Rafael. The dog’s name and $15 were submitted by the Better Business Bureau of San Francisco through a newspaper ad. By return mail Sadie received her “Certificate of Ordination.”
1549 Mail-Order Church Cleared
After six years of court battles, Kirby J. Hensley and his mail-order Universal Life Church were cleared of all charges in California. A San Jose municipal judge dismissed a $625 fine and a one-year suspended sentence against Hensley involving a 1969 conviction for selling courses from a non-accredited institution. The conviction was overturned by a federal appeals court in 1973, but the loose ends were not cleared up until now.
Hensley, 63, a one-time Baptist preacher and self-designated “bishop” of the Universal Life Church, claims to have ordained more than two million people by mail, and issued some 10,000 honorary doctor of divinity degrees at a charge of $20 each. Last year a court ruled that Hensley’s “church” is entitled to federal tax exemption.
—Christianity Today
1550 Hensley Back To Business
Flushed with success over the recent high-court reversal of his conviction for violating the California Education Code in granting diploma-mill doctoral degrees, Kirby Hensley has gone on to dedicate the First Church of Universal Life of Berkeley, California. Hensley claims he had freely dispensed 2.5 million ordination certificates (including those requested “for dogs, cats, raccoons, and leopards”) and, for a fee of $20 each, 20,000 D. D. degrees in the past eleven years. The Berkeley edifice, built by Mormons in 1954 for $210,000, is the largest property acquired so far by his non-creedal, autonomous “congregations.”
—Robert L. Cleath
1551 Paper College
The Federal Trade Commission has ruled that an Ohio college which claimed to be a non-profit religious institution and which has been described as a “diploma mill” must stop misrepresenting itself as a degree-granting institution.
The commission found the college has no student body, no faculty, and no campus. Diplomas are granted through a “home-study plan.” The school is run by self-styled minister A. O. Langdon, his wife, and two associates. The commission’s own investigator said that while the school fraudulently misrepresented itself in advertising, the commission had no jurisdiction because the school was classified non-profit. The commission disagreed, saying that the profit was being distributed among the four principals and that the school thus resembled a closely-held commercial operation.
1552 The Jonestown Massacre
In Nov. 1978, US Rep. Leo J. Ryan of California visited the People’s Temple (a California-based cult) in Guyana. His group went to investigate reports that some of the people there were being held against their will. The congressman and his party were ambushed and killed.
Few days later, at Jonestown, Guyana, soldiers were horrified to find hundreds of bodies of cult members who had been shot or committed suicide by drinking cyanide-based Kool Aid. Rev. Jones, 47, lay near the altar with a bullet wound in his head.
The death count was 780.
A brief report of what happened during those final moments:
“As Jones talked over the loudspeaker on the beauty of death and the certainty that everyone would meet again, several hundred cult members gathered around the pavillion. They were surrounded by armed guards, and a vat of Kool Aid mixed with cyanide was brought out. Most cult members drank it willingly—others were forced to.
“They started with the babies. At least 80 infants and children were fed the deadly potion, and then the adults took it. Everything was calm for a few minutes, and then, as the cyanide-induced convulsions began, it got all out of order. Children were screaming and there was mass confusion. Shortly afterward, everyone was dead.”
1553 Honorary Spoof
“By virtue of powers which we have invented,” the baroque lettering proclaimed, the trustees of San Francisco’s Millard Fillmore Institute were delighted to confer on any applicant a variety of “honorary and meretricious” titles ranging from “Doctor of Generosity” to “Doctor of Pinochle Sciences.” All he needed was $10. A Latin motto made the point clear: Ad populum phaleras, ego te intus et in cut novi! (Loose translation: “You may think you’re hot stuff, but we know you, buster.”)
1554 Evil Rasputin
We have all heard about Gregory Rasputin, the “Mad Monk of Russia” who managed to get a strong hold on the royal family of his day. Some believe the corrupting power he exerted was a contributing factor in the takeover of communism. By currying the favor of the court he was able to influence many decisions within the palace itself.
The czar of Russia and his wife had a child who was born with a dreaded blood disease. It caused much pain and often threatened to bring death to the young prince. In such times of extremity, when the doctors could do no more, Rasputin was called upon to perform his “miracles.” Although unexplainable, it appeared that remarkable healings did occur whenever he was brought in. The “Mad Monk” took advantage of these occasions to gain power for himself. He told them their son would not die if they listened to his counsel. As a result, the Russian government felt the influence of this wicked man. Sad to say, the entire world has indirectly suffered the consequences of one person using his energies for evil purposes.
1555 Jimmy Goodfellow
Methodist Pastor Charles Merrill Smith has written a book, How to Become a Bishop Without Being Religious.
Success in the ministry, says Smith in the book comes from meticulous conformity to the right professional stance. A clergyman must never even think, for example, of driving a red Corvette convertible. For beginning preachers, a black, two-door Falcon is ideal; a dark-green Chevy II with automatic transmission is “safe” for the pastor of a small congregation.
“The most important one piece of equipment the aspiring clergyman will acquire,” says Smith, “is a wife. She must not be beautiful, stylish or sexy.”
The rising clergyman can win a reputation for wisdom in his sermons by using such phrases as “Christ-centered” and “faith of our fathers.” Another favorite phrase is “holiness unto the Lord.” No one has a clue to what this means, but it is one of the most soul-satisfying phrases in the lexicon.
Nothing makes the congregation feel so good as singing hymns like “In the Garden,” which mentions the first personal pronoun 27 times:
And He walks with me,
And He talks with me,
And He tells me I am His own.
Most important of all is to cultivate the right people. The rule of thumb, Smith suggests, is to assign each individual a numerical value—a member of the old aristocracy ten points, any millionaire eight, a corporation lawyer six, an obscure artist two, a clerk one, a factory worker minus one, a Japanese (except in California) minus three—then allot each a proportionate amount of attention.
Add to this a “respectful, alert, eager to learn and anxious to serve” demeanor toward ecclesiastical superiors, and eventually someone will tell the powers that be, “Jim Goodfellow is the man you are looking for.”
See also: False Cults ; Occultism ; Matt. 7:15; 24:24; Mark 13:21–22; I Pet. 2:1; Rev. 6:15.