FLATTERY
These are murmurers, complainers, walking after their own lusts; and their mouth speaketh great swelling words, having men’s persons in admiration because of advantages.
—Jude 16
1725 Electronic Applause
The Pacific Organ Studios on Clement Street is selling something that might lessen man’s insecurity. It’s an organ called the Chamberlain Music Master, which includes a button that delivers, via tape, a round of applause “of concert-hall size.” You play “Chop-sticks,” press the applause button and bask in the distant patter of 2000 paws. Think what this does for the ego.
—San Francisco Chronicle
1726 “You’re Beautiful”
The telephone company in an English city is planning a service known as MOR (for Morale). When Dad goes off to work in a huff or forgets a birthday or yells at the kids, Mom can run to the phone, dial MOR and hear a soothing male voice coo: “You’re quite, quite beautiful, you know.”
—Alton, III., Telegraph
1727 Gardenia And Feel Important
Eternity magazine once told of a sidewalk flower vendor who was doing very little business. Suddenly a happy thought struck him, and he put up this sign: “Buy a gardenia; it will make you feel important all day long!” Almost immediately his sales began to increase. People love to feel inflated, for their innermost nature thrives on any attention that caters to their pride.
1728 Capitalizing On John Smiths
John Smith is still the most common name in this country. It was for that reason that Mark Twain dedicated his story of The Celebrated Jumping Frog to John Smith, “who I have known in diverse and sundry places and whose many and manifold virtues did always command my esteem.”
Twain figured that anyone to whom a book is dedicated would be sure to buy at least one copy, and since there were thousands of John Smiths, his book would be assured of at least a modest sale.
—Bits & Pieces
1729 A Black Heart?
Sam Jones, the great white evangelist, on one occasion preached a sermon to an immense concourse of colored people. After he had finished a stout, old colored woman waddled up to him, seized his hand, and pumped it up and down vigorously. “Gawd bless you Brudder Jones! You is everybody’s preacher, black as well as white! You may have a white skin, Brudder, but you sho got a black heart!”
—Selected
1730 Russia’s Saloon Of Beauty
There is in a Russian palace, a famous “Saloon of Beauty,” wherein are hung over eight hundred and fifty portraits of young maidens. These pictures were painted by Count Rotari, for Catherine the Second, the Russian empress; and the artist made a journey, through the fifty provinces of that vast empire of the north, to find his models.
In these superb portraits that cover the walls of this saloon, there is said to be a curiously expressed compliment of the artist’s royal patron, a compliment half concealed and half revealed. In each separate picture, it is said, might be detected, by the close observer, some hidden, delicate reference to the empress for whom they were painted.
Here a feature of Catherine appears; there an attitude is reproduced; some act, some favorite adornment or environment, some jewel, fashion, flower, style of dress, or manner of life—something peculiar to, or characteristic of, the empress—so that the walls of the saloon are lined with just so many silent tributes to her beauty, or compliments to her taste. So inventive and ingenious is the spirit of human flattery.
—Prairie Overcomer
1731 Also Regions Beyond
At one interdenominational meeting, a minister from the same denomination as the speaker made the introduction. Eager to impress the audience with the speaker’s qualifications, he said, “Our speaker is known in the churches of our denomination throughout the world—and probably in regions beyond!”
—New Christian Advocate
1732 High Oratory Reaches Satan
Many years ago the famous radio preacher, Dr. S. Parkes Cadman of Brooklyn, N.Y., addressed a great men’s meeting in Center Congregational Church, New Britain, Conn. The pastor, Theodore A. Greene, introduced the celebrated cleric with a sudden burst of oratory.
Dr. Greene said he had been backstage in a great radio station and had looked upon the electrical equipment, the batteries, generators, the sparks, lights, powers of the air.
Increasing in eloquence, the New Britain pastor cried:
“Think of the radio ministry of Dr. Cadman and his incredible ministry across the air-waves of the nation every Sunday afternoon, the millions who listen in spellbound! I have introduced the king of the electrons, the ruler of the airways, in fact, the prince of the power of the air!
—Philip Jerome
1733 Diplomatic Reply Of Womans Age
At a reception in Washington a young man was asked by a widow to guess her age. “You must have some idea,” she said, as he hesitated.
“I have several ideas,” he admitted, with a smile. “The trouble is that I hesitate whether to make it ten years younger on account of your looks, or ten years older on account of your intelligence.”
—Capper’s Farmer
1734 The Fickle Crowd And Phocion
Hidden in the obscurity of time is Phocion, the Greek statesman-general (c. 402–317 B. C.). When he returned from his successful campaign against Philip of Macedon, at Byzantium, mobs crowded the streets of Athens to cheer him. Berated by an aide for failure to show exhilaration at the experience, Phocion said: “They will cheer just as loudly when I am hanged.” He never lost his disdain for the mob no matter the honors heaped upon him. He carried his arguments to the people, and once when he addressed the citizens of Athens his speech was interrupted by thunderous cheers. The accolade continued unabated for several minutes and finally Phocion turned to his aides to inquire: “Did I say something stupid?”
His remark following Byzantium was prophetic, for the Athenians forced him to drink hemlock. Later, as though to emphasize his conclusions, the mob repented and raised a statue in his honor.
—Gerald Lieberman
1735 Sword of Damocles
On the island of Sicily in the fourth century B. C., there ruled a tyrant named Dionysius (the elder). He had in his court a certain “yes” man named Damocles who sought advantage by flattering the cruel king.
One day he extolled the virtues of Dionysius so eloquently that the tyrant proclaimed a magnificent banquet in his honor. In the midst of the festivities, however, Damocles happened to look up and discovered to his dismay that a naked sword hung suspended over his head by a single hair.
—Stanley C. Baldwin
1736 Book With Fictitious Famous People
The policy of the editors of Appleton’s Encyclopedia of American Biography was to accept in good faith all material received by mail. This opened the door to an unknown practical joker who sent them at least 84 biographies of fictitious persons between 1886 and 1888. Although these individuals were figments of the imagination, their achievements and books credited to them were supposed to be well-known in their particular professions.
The fake entries went unnoticed until 1919 when 14 were discovered by a librarian. This started a more thorough search which brought to light 70 more by 1936.
1737 Son To Reign By Candlelight!
King James I of England was visiting in the Northern Countries when, upon passing through a small town, he was greeted by a deputation of the town fathers. They proceeded to unroll a parchment and their spokesman started to read a long and elaborate address to His Majesty. In the most high-flown terms they prayed that the King might live as long as the sun, the moon, and the stars.
“Faith, man,” interrupted the King, “and if I do, my son must reign by candlelight.”
1738 Pastor Watches Own Funeral
Fort Lauderdale, Florida (AP)—The Rev. Ivory W. Mizell commemorated his 64th birthday by watching his own funeral. “I think it was good. It was much better than I expected,” he said after Wednesday night’s service at the First Baptist Church of Piney Grove.
On the programs printed up for the service were these words: “This, my funeral service, is being held because I have no pleasure in words I cannot hear, flowers I cannot smell and friends I cannot see.”
1739 Showing Friendship Now In Funeral
A man of 69 in a small town in Fukuoka Prefecture in Japan invited about 20 business friends to his home and held his “funeral.” Ritually, it was a full-dress funeral, complete with funeral sutrachanting by two Buddhist priests. He even held the customary rites for the seventh day after his “death.”
What was his idea? Marutaka Kogane, director of the local soft drink dealers’ association, explained: “If my friends have enough friendship for me to attend my funeral when I die, I should rather they showed their friendship now.” After the obsequies, there was an evening of revelry with gay entertainment. The “mourners” ate, drank, and made merry. Said the “deceased” in satisfaction: “From now on I’ll forget myself and work for the trade and for the world.”
—Japan Times
1740 Epigram On Flattery
• I can live for two months on a good compliment.
—Mark Twain
• Praise, like gold and diamonds, owes its value only to its scarcity.
—Samuel Johnson
• Robert Montgomery’s advice concerning applause: “Enjoy it, but never quite believe it.”
—Good News
• The chances are about 10 to 1 that when a man slaps you on the back, he wants you to cough up something.
—The Bible Friend
• Sigmund Freud once refused to attend a festival in his honor, remarking, “When someone abuses me I can defend myself; against praise I am defenseless.”
• The same man cannot be both friend and flatterer.
—Benjamin Franklin
• According to Hindu law, lying is justified in only two cases: in saving a person’s life and in paying a compliment to a lady.
• Never praise a woman too highly. If you stop, she’ll think you don’t love her any more; if you keep it up, she’ll think she’s too good for you.
—Chinese Proverb
• Imitation is the sincerest flattery. A girl would wear a beautiful dress, and few days later, many would be seen wearing the same dress.
See also: Hypocrisy.