FORGETFULNESS
The wicked shall be turned into hell, and all the nations that forget God.
—Psalm 9:17
1741 First Turkish Auto Out of Gas
Turkish President Cemal Gursel beamed with pride as he roared away from Ankara’s parliament building in the first auto ever made in Turkey, with a chauffeur at the wheel. A scant 100 yards later, Gursel’s smile froze as the engine coughed and died. They forgot to put gasoline in it.
1742 Crucial Omissions In News Ad
To Bill Gold, Washington Post and Times Herald columnist, came this announcement:
The publicity chairman of the Fairlington Players resigned today, after finding that she had mimeographed and distributed 5000 flyers advertising their next production—and omitted the name of the play, the date, the time and the place.
—Selected
1743 Not Notifying The Cook
In 1939, in Hitler’s Germany, Alexander Kirk was in charge of the American embassy in Berlin, and George Kennan was his counselor. Although food shortages made it difficult, Kirk gave an enormous buffet lunch every Sunday. There were perhaps a hundred guests who had standing invitations and another hundred who were invited occasionally.
One Saturday, Kirk called Kennan into his office and told him he’d been ordered to Paris for consultation and wouldn’t be able to give the usual Sunday lunch. “Please take the necessary steps to call it off,” he said to Kennan.
A few days later Kirk returned from Paris and called Kennan into his office. “You did a pretty good job canceling the Sunday lunch,” he told Kennan. “There were only two people you forgot to tell.”
“Who were they?” George asked.
“The chief and the Japanese ambassador,” Kirk replied.
—Charles W. Thayer
1744 Forgetting His Pants
Lima (UPI)—Manuel Chavez Valderrama, who spent 32 years as a beggar in this city and planned to retire to his home town, decided to take a bath for the first time in many years.
He took his pants off and when he was bathing in a public fountain, saw a thief take his pants with all his lifetime savings, some $18,000.
1745 No Forwarding Address For Would-Be Millionaire
Noel Borja of Malaybalay, Bukidnon, Philippines, would have been the youngest multi-millionaire on record in the Philippines—all of P116 million. Unfortunately for him, the letter that informed him he was the sole heir of his grandfather’s real estate and to appear within 30 days before his grandfather’s executor found its way to the dead mail section of the Bureau of Post and the deadline of his appearance expired. He had transferred from his boarding house in Manila and failed to leave a forwarding address.
1746 Silly Gem Story
New York (AP)—Manhattan’s great jewel robbery started off at a smoothly professional pace, but later degenerated into comic cartoon silliness when the driver of the getaway car couldn’t cope with its manual gear shift. As a result, the bandits had to abandon all $3,000,000 in loot.
Shortly before 1 p. m., Friday, the bandits forced an unmarked AAA Jewelers Service station wagon to the curb.
With precision, the six messengers were transferred into the panel truck and handcuffed. Four of the bandits piled into the truck and drove it about three blocks.
Meanwhile, the fifth bandit—one of those dressed as a policeman—took over his assignment to drive the jewelry vehicle to some pre-determined spot where it could be looted at leisure.
The getaway driver got only a little over a block in the station wagon. Time and again, he stalled. Finally, in desperation the driver appealed to the demolition workers who were tearing down old buildings on 49th Street. The workers instead helped themselves to the loot. The “driver” fled.
1747 Look Out
There was a prudent man who brushed his teeth twice a day, wore rubbers in wet weather, did his daily dozen, slept with windows open, was careful with his diet, had a medical examination twice a year, never smoked, drank or indulged in any kind of excess. He was set to live to be one hundred years old.
The funeral was held last Wednesday. He is survived by eighteen specialists, four health institutes, six gymnasiums and numerous manufacturers of health food and antiseptics.
He forgot to look out for a train at a crossing.
—Robert G. Lee
1748 One-in-Million Case
R. C. Corder, the pilot of a private plane, radioed for “approach landing” instructions to the airport in Ontario, California. The Federal Aviation Agency Controller instructed Corder to drop from a safe altitude of 10,000 feet to 7,200 feet. Corder dropped altitude and crashed into a mountain near San Bernardino, California. Both he and his two passengers were killed.
“A one-in-a-million case of mistaken identity,” FAA officials explained. “The controller mistook on his radar screen another plane for Corder’s.” The reason: Corder had failed to make a position report to another air controller along his route.
1749 Twice Loser In Hydroplane
The late dictator of Greece, General Metaxas, was once invited to try out a new flying-boat. He decided to pilot it himself and did so masterfully until the commander, his host, noticed that they were about to make a landing at an airport.
“Excuse me, Excellency, but it would be more suitable to come down on the sea as this is a hydroplane.”
“But of course,” laughed the General, “What am I thinking of!”
The General thereupon made a perfect landing on the water and turning to his host he remarked, “I must compliment you on the task with which you drew my attention to the incredible blunder that I nearly made.”
Upon saying which, His Excellency opened the door and stepped out into the sea.
1750 Enter Mark Twain’s Necktie
It is narrated of Mark Twain that once he went to call on Harriet Beecher Stowe, writer of Uncle Tom’s Cabin. Usually careless about his dress, he forgot about his necktie that day. On his return, Mrs. Clemons called his attention to this social blunder.
A little later, Mrs. Stowe opened the door to find a messenger with a small package. Opening, she found a black silk necktie inside and a note: “Here is a necktie. Take it out and look at it. I stayed half an hour this morning without this necktie. At the end of that time, will you kindly return it, as it is the only one I have. MARK TWAIN.”
1751 Badges Worn On Pants
When too many men at an Ohio cement plant forgot their identification badges, a bright man in personnel had the badges made into belt buckles. He decided, after a careful research, that no matter how absent-minded a man is, he’s pretty sure to remember his pants.
—Jason Burke
1752 Victoria’s Double Time Clock
In Victoria, the ramshackle capital of the former British Crown Colony of Seychelles in the Indian Ocean, the town clock, a silver-painted model of Big Ben, strikes the hour twice—for the benefit of those who forgot to count the first time.
—Time
1753 My Son! My Son!
John Dewey was every bit as absent-minded as professors are supposed to be. He was walking across a college campus with a friend one day when a little boy came up and asked him for a nickel. Dewey gave him one, but afterward he said somewhat irritably to his friend, “The trouble with the boys in the city is that they’re always asking you for money.”
“But isn’t that your son?” the friend asked.
Dewey looked around. “Why, yes,” he said, “I guess it is.”
—Dialogue on John Dewey
1754 Einstein Forgets Own Home
One day after Einstein had moved to his home at the Institute for Advanced Study in Princeton, N. J., the telephone rang in the office of the Dean of the Princeton Graduate School. The voice at the other end inquired: “May I speak with Dean Eisenhart, please?” Advised that my father was not in, the voice continued: “Perhaps then you will tell me where Dr. Einstein lives.” My father’s secretary replied that she could not do this, since Dr. Einstein wished to have his privacy respected. The voice on the telephone dropped to a near whisper: “Please do not tell anybody, but I am Dr. Einstein. I am on my way home, and have forgotten where my house is!”
—Selected
1755 Chairman Ran Out For Aspirin
After an Ohio State University convocation, the chairman ran out for an aspirin and the audience fell down laughing. The story: A distinguished old judge was invited to speak. The decision was made without realizing that the judge was somewhat eccentric and growing senile. He plodded to the lecture and started reading his typescript in a high, cracked voice.
When he got to the bottom of Page One, he turned the page and continued reading. It soon became apparent that the judge was again reading Page One. And as if that was not enough for the startled audience, the third page was Page One. Everyone now realized that the materials in the judge’s hands were in triplicates. In all, seventeen pages were read three times over by the absent-minded old gentleman before he got off the platform.
1756 Why Am I Here?
A story about Dwight Morrow’s notorious absent-mindedness: Getting off the train in New York, he hastened into the telegraph office and wired to his secretary: “Why am I in New York? What am I supposed to do?”
He received a prompt answer; that he was on his way to Princeton to deliver a lecture.
1757 Japan’s Meeting Of Forgetters
There was once formed an association of people who were perfect in their forgetting of everything. Daiboya Gakuemon, whose turn it was to have the meeting at his house that month, sent out a circular letter which said: “On the 25th inst. a Meeting of Forgetters will be held at my house. Please attend without fail.”
Gakuemon, so as not to forget the 25th himself, kept thinking of it all day long from morning to night, and when the 25th did come, for the sake of those who would assemble he said to his wife, “You must clean the house today because many people are coming.” His wife cried out, “What are you talking about? Today is the 26th!”
Not only Gakuemon, but all the rest of the members had forgotten.
1758 Librarian And Souvenirs
Miss Josephine Austen, librarian at Forest Park, Illinois, declares that her profession provides a unique opportunity for souvenir-collecting. Readers use unbelievable objects for bookmarks, and frequently forget to remove them before they turn in the volumes. Miss Austen’s collection includes violent love letters, nail files, playing cards, bobby pins—and most unexpected of all, a very, very thoroughly fried egg.
1759 Jonathan Livingston Pigeon
At the Rimrock Book Shop in Grand Junction, Colo., Jo Graham has been keeping track of how customers ask for the best-seller Jonathan Livingston Seagull. So far she has had requests for: “Stanley Livingston, I Presume?” “George Seagull,” “Livingston’s Book on Seagulls,” “The Seagull” by Jonathan Livingston, “Jonathan Livingston Eagle,” “Jonathan Livingston Penguin” and “Jonathan Livingston Pigeon.”
—Publishers Weekly
1760 “Still President Of U. S.”
Jane Addams, the famous social worker and founder of Hull-House, told this story on herself. She met an old friend on a train one afternoon, and greeted her cordially, but simply couldn’t remember her name. “The conversation is bound to give me a clue,” she thought, but for a half-hour she got nowhere. Then the friend said, “My poor brother is working himself to death these days.” Miss Adams felt that her moment had come. “Ah yes, your dear brother,” she exclaimed. “And what is he doing now?” Her companion glared. “He is still President of the United States,” she remarked coldly.
1761 Crabs Got Too Near The Cook
Six giant crabs, being flown from Alaska to aquariums in Manchester, Hamburg and London, were transferred by the airline that shipped them to the cold-storage room of the kitchens at Orly Airport in Paris. The crabs planned to spend the night, then fly out the next day. But no one told the chef of the crabs’ continuing flight plans, and he served them up in crab salad a la facon du chef to passengers in the terminal restaurant.
—The Insider’s Newsletter
1762 Mother, Daughter, Seatbelts
A young woman who seemed to be recovering nicely from surgery was driven by her mother to the doctor’s office for a checkup. The patient opened the door, started gingerly to get out, and suddenly fell back against the seat. “Not as strong as I thought,” she gasped. “You’d better help me.”
Alarmed, her mother rushed around to the other side of the car. “Easy, now,” she pleaded, “Let’s try it together.”
So they did. But it wasn’t until the third try that they thought to unfasten the seat belt.
—Mrs. James C. Mims
1763 What’s What?
Secretary of the Interior Fred A. Seaton told of the harassed man who entered the office of a psychiatrist.
“Doctor, I can’t remember a thing from one minute to the next.”
“Since when has this been going on?” asked the psychiatrist.
“Since when has what been going on?”
See also: Memory.