GROWING
TOGETHER IN PAIN

Topics: Church; Comfort; Community; Death; Mourning; Suffering

References: 2 Corinthians 1:3–11; 1 Peter 4:13; 5:9

Recently I experienced, for the first time, a profound sense of biblical community. For the past seven years, my wife and I have participated in a small group, which included five couples. This past year our group celebrated a couple’s first child. We also cheered when two other women in the group announced their pregnancies, and then we prayed fervently for safe deliveries and healthy babies.

In October, the woman who was due first became concerned when her due date came and went. She said the baby seemed to be moving less. That was Saturday. On Tuesday there was no heartbeat. On Wednesday morning she gave birth to Ian Patrick Lincoln, whom we never got to know. The umbilical cord was wrapped twice around his neck.

My wife and I—and several others from our small group—were at the hospital when Ian was born. We huddled together, sobbing, staring down at our shoes. We attempted to pray. Then we all went to the delivery room to see Ian and his mom.

The week dragged by. After the funeral we collapsed from exhaustion. In grieving with the parents and the other members of my small group, I learned an old truth: much of our spiritual development happens only through suffering. But in this life suffering is not evenly meted out. I had gone twelve years without deep mourning. Now community forced me into relationship with a small circle of people who had become closer than family. I was forced to suffer loss—vicariously but still real.

Community is not just a place for the suffering to find comfort but for the comfortable to find suffering. Together we join Christ in his suffering, and as a result, as 2 Corinthians 1:4 says, “We can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.”

—Dave Goetz, “Community for the Comfortable,” ChurchLeadersOnline.com (November 17, 1999)