Humor
Employment Policies
1. New Sick Leave Policy
SICKNESS: No excuse. We will no longer accept your doctor’s statement as proof, as we believe that if you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
LEAVE OF ABSENCE (for an operation): We are no longer allowing this practice. We wish to discourage any thought that you may have about needing an operation. We believe that as long as you are employed here, you will need all of whatever you have and should not consider having anything removed. We hired you as you are and to have anything removed would certainly make you less than we bargained for.
DEATH (other than your own): This is no excuse. There is nothing you can do for them, and we are sure that someone else in a lesser position can attend to the arrangements. However, if the funeral can be held in late afternoon, we will be glad to let you off one hour early, provided your share of work is ahead enough to keep the job going in your absence.
DEATH (your own): This will be accepted as an excuse, but we would like a two-week notice, as we feel it is your duty to teach someone else your job.
2. New Restroom Policy
Too much time is being spent in the Restroom. In the future, we will follow the practice of going to the Restroom in alphabetical order. For instance, those whose names begin with ‘A’ will go from 8 A.M., ‘B’ will go from 8:05 A.M. to 8:10 A.M., and so on. If you are unable to go at your time, it will be necessary to wait until the day when your turn comes around again.
Source unknown
Laughs Per Day
Average number of laughs a person has in a day = 17
Source: What Counts: The Complete Harper’s Index, edited by Charis Conn
Letter to Mom
The following was submitted for amusement by a person who wishes to remain anonymous.
Montana Daughter to Carolina Mother—
Dear Mother:
“I’m writing this slow ‘cause I know you can’t read fast. We don’t live where we did when you left. My hubby read in the paper where the most accidents happened within twenty miles of home, so we moved. I won’t know the address for awhile yet as the last Montana family that lived here took the numbers with them for their next house so they won’t have to change their address.
This place we’re rentin’ has a washin’ machine. The first day I put four new shirts in it, pulled the chain, and I haven’t seen ‘em since. It only rained twice this week: three days the first time and four days the second time.
The coat you wanted me to send that you forgot here was too heavy to send in the mail. So we cut off the big buttons and put them in the pockets.
We got a bill from the funeral home, said if we didn’t make the last payment on Aunty’s funeral bill, up she comes.
I heard that Sis had a baby this morning but I haven’t been over there yet to find out if it’s a boy or a girl so I don’t know if I’m an Aunt or an Uncle.
Our neighbor up the road fell in the whisky vat. Some men tried to pull him out, but he fought them off playfully, so he drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three days.
Three local kids from DeBorgia went off the bridge in a pick-up truck. The one that was driving rolled down the window and swam out. The two sitting in the back drowned. They couldn’t get the tailgate down.
Not much to tell this time. Nothin’ much happens ‘round here.
Love, Your Daughter
From C. Swindoll, Growing Strong, p. 101
Charles Spurgeon
Spurgeon was a character. His style was so loose he was criticized again and again for bordering on frivolity in the Tabernacle pulpit. Certain incensed fellow clergymen railed against his habit of introducing humor into his sermons. With a twinkle in his eye, he once replied: “If only you knew how much I hold back, you would commend me…This preacher thinks it less a crime to cause a momentary laughter than a half-hour of profound slumber.”
Source unknown
How to Cultivate a Sense of
1. Catch yourself in some amusing inconsistency and then laugh at yourself. This is the foundation of a healthy sense of humor.
2. Note the inappropriate or funny things people say or do in public, and draw parallels between those silly behaviors and your own. Positive humor goes beyond mere criticism to a recognition of our common plight as less-than-perfect human beings.
3. Include in your regular reading diet published collections of wit and humor, humor columnists, comic strips, and stories by writers with a well-developed sense of humor.
4. Occasionally do something harmlessly absurd and totally out of character for your spontaneous entertainment.
5. Avoid sarcasm, ridicule, and excessive teasing. They hurt rather than heal.
Source unknown