SKEPTICAL ATTITUDE
And saying, Where is the promise of his coming? for since the fathers fell asleep, all things continue as they were from the beginning of the creation.
—II Peter 3:4
5746 On Throwing Ideals Away
In her annual Christmas message to the British Commonwealth, Queen Elizabeth II delivered a sharp rebuke to “unthinking people.” In speaking of the dangers in the nuclear age, she said: “It’s not the new inventions which are the difficulty. The trouble is caused by unthinking people who carelessly throw away ageless ideals as if they were old and outworn machinery.
“They would have religion thrown aside, morality in personal and public life made meaningless, honesty counted as foolishness, and self-interest set up in place of self-restraint.”
—Prairie Overcomer
5747 The Mia Culpa Campaign
The neat middle-aged executive peers out from the television screen. “Hello,” he says, his face crinkling into a sheepish grin. “I’m from General Telephone.” Boos and hisses explode off-camera. “Now, I’m aware that General Telephone provides less than adequate service.” Plop. A rotten tomato slides down his chin. “But we’re spending $200 million in California this year on improving our service.” He is hit with an egg. “Cables, switches, personnel, everything.” A cream pie splatters over his face. “Thank you for your patience,” he mumbles through the goo.
In another commercial, a woman at a crowded cocktail party asks her husband to say something funny. “General Telephone,” he replies, and everyone falls into paroxysms of laughter. The punch line: “We know some people think our service is laughable, but we’re spending $200 million in California this year to improve it. What’s so funny about that?”
These vignettes have appeared on Los Angeles television as part of a zany General Telephone of California. By tacitly conceding the company’s mistakes, the admen hope that the campaign will win sympathy and understanding among the system’s many disgruntled users.
5748 The Interrobang
A new punctuation mark, called an interrobang, has been suggested. A cross between a “!” and a “?”—it would be appropriate as the climax symbol to questions that one can answer only with a shrug, a sneer, an expression of resignation or a glance of daggers.
Applying its use in the medical world, for example, the editor of Medicine at Work says the interrobang seems the perfect ending for remarks from patients such as: What are the chances of injecting it in my arm, instead? Or isn’t that a rather personal question, doctor? Likewise, with queries from doctors: Now, that didn’t hurt, did it? Or how can I examine your throat, son, with your teeth on my fingers?
—Hospital Topics
5749 Success Built On Doubting Stocks
Meyer Berman is one stockbroker who is happy when the stock market is falling. In 1969 while most people got ulcers over the marker’s Niagara-like descent, Mr. Berman made money. A confirmed skeptic, he doesn’t believe what he hears about a stock’s rosy prospects unless he investigates. When he does, he often finds reason to believe it will go down instead of up, and he is right often enough to have a fourteen-room house with a four-car garage.
5750 Revenge In Book’s “The Index”
A new edition of Textbook of Pediatrics has become something of a collector’s item at medical schools. The work, 1462-pages long, was edited by Dr. Waldo E. Nelson of Temple University. Dr. Nelson, however, did not compile the index. That job was done by someone who obviously didn’t care much for the book, or for pediatrics.
Listed among the B’s, between “Biontin” and “Birth” is this entry: “Birds, For the—Pages 1–1462.”
—Detroit Press
5751 A Trifler In Rome
In the early days of Rome the philosopher Carneades endeavored to inculcate the spirit of universal skepticism in the city. He offered to argue alternately both for and against any proposition that was given him. He declared that the mind only attained its true greatness when it was in a state of complete suspense. To settle anything was a sign of ignorance. Then Cato came forward. He arose in the senate and urged his comrades to expel the man from the city. He said he was a trifler. He declared that the habit of arguing on both sides of everything would introduce hopeless moral corruption into the life of Rome.
—George Ferris
5752 They Thought Otherwise
Antisthenes, the founder of the sect of the Cynics, when he was told that Ismenias played excellently upon the flute, answered properly enough, “Then he is good for nothing else, otherwise he would not have played so well.” Such also was Philip’s saying to his son, when, at a certain entertainment, he sang in a very agreeable and skillful manner, “Are you not ashamed to sing so well?”
—Spurgeon
5753 A Cassandra Utterance
A “Cassandra utterance” is a prophecy foretelling evil which is not heeded. Cassandra, a daughter of King Priam, was given the power to prophesy by Apollo, according to Greek mythology. Becoming displeased with her, Apollo changed the power Cassandra had to prophesy so she could still prophesy truly, only to be laughed at by those who heard her.
—Prochnow
5754 An Equivocal News Report
Mark Twain vividly illustrated the uselessness of being equivocal when he was sent to cover an important social event for a newspaper. His editor had warned him to state only facts he could verify from his own knowledge, and so he turned in this story: “A woman giving the name of Mrs. James Jones who is reported to be one of the society leaders in the city gave what is reported to be a party yesterday to a number of alleged ladies. The hostess claims to be the wife of a reputed attorney.”
—Robert H. Lauer
5755 “A Thousand Times, No!”
More than twenty-five years have passed since the Department of Agriculture gave out its last free seeds. Still requests poured in. Finally, the department issued a humorous booklet on the subject, “No! No! A Thousand Times, No!” Result: a temporary spurt on the number of requests for free seeds.
5756 Wishing It Was Scribner’s
At the height of the last Christmas rush, a slightly befuddled matron wandered into Dutton’s Bookstore. “Is this Scribner’s?” she inquired of a clerk. “No, madam,” was the reply, “it’s Dutton’s.” “Oh,” said the lady. “I saw the sign “Dutton’”’ on the window, but I thought it might be Scribner’s.”
5757 Psychiatrists’ Mutual Analysis
Two psychiatrists passed each other on the street, and one said: “Nice to see you.”
A few steps away the other scratched his head and said: “What did he mean by that?”
5758 Epigram On Skepticism
• Secretary, taking dictation, to boss: “Are you sure you want an exclamation point? Nobody’s surprised at anything anymore.”
• An employee suggested this slogan for his accounting firm: “In God We Trust. All Others We Audit.”
• A cynical philosopher once proclaimed, “Scratch a Christian and you will find a pagan.”
—C. R. Hembree