Taxes

You Knew How to Get the Money Out of Him

A man on vacation was strolling along outside his hotel in Acapulco, enjoying the sunny Mexican weather. Suddenly, he was attracted by the screams of a woman kneeling in front of a child.

The man knew enough Spanish to determine that the child had swallowed a coin. Seizing the child by the heels, the man held him up, gave him a few shakes, and an American quarter dropped to the sidewalk.

“Oh, thank you sir!” cried the woman. “You seemed to know just how to get it out of him. Are you a doctor?”

“No, ma’am,” replied the man. “I’m with the United States Internal Revenue Service.”

Bits & Pieces, March 31, 1994, p. 5

Quotes

•      IRS auditor to taxpayer, as nurse prepares a syringe: “She is going to numb the area around your wallet.” – David Harbaugh in Medical Examiner

•      All the taxes paid over a lifetime by the average American are spent by the government in less than a second. – Jim Fiebig, NANA

Taxation Is Like…

In a newly created nation in Africa, an elderly native was told that he was going to be taxed to support the government. “Why?” he asked. “To protect you from enemies, to feed you when you are hungry, to care for you when you are sick, and to educate your children,” he was told. “I see,” said the old man. “It’s like I have this dog, and the dog is hungry. He comes begging to me for food. So I take my knife, cut off a piece of the poor dog’s tail and give it to him to eat. That, I believe is what this taxation is.”

Bits and Pieces, December 13, 1990