THE
BEST ARGUERS

Topics: Arguments; Attitudes; Church; Community; Conflict; Cooperation; Fellowship; Marriage; Reconciliation; Spouses; Teamwork

References: Romans 12:9–21; Ephesians 4:1–6; 1 John 3:11–18

The best arguers don’t point their fingers. That’s according to a study reported in Psychological Science. The study also said the person who says “we” the most during an argument suggests the best solutions.

Researchers from the University of Pennsylvania and the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill studied fifty-nine couples. Spouses who used second-person pronouns (you) tended to be negative in interactions. Those using first-person plural pronouns (we) provided positive solutions to problems.

The study concluded, “ ‘We’ users may have a sense of shared interest that sparks compromise and other ideas pleasing to both partners. ‘You’-sayers tend to criticize, disagree, justify, and otherwise teem with negativity.”

—Rachel A. Simmons and others, “Pronouns in Marital Interaction: What Do ‘You’ and ‘I’ Say about Marital Health?” Psychological Science, vol. 16, no. 12 (December 2005)