In flaming fire taking vengeance on them that know not God, and that obey not the gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ.
—II Thess. 1:8
7079 Revenge On Old Car
Passersby called police when they saw a man drive his new automobile into the fenders of a parked car. He explained that both cars belonged to him—that he was having revenge on the old car for giving him so much trouble.
—La Liberte
7080 Parked On Railroad Crossing
Fort Worth, Texas (UPI)—Bill Miller decided a train was taking altogether too long to cross a street as he waited 15 minutes in a line of traffic.
So, after the train passed, he drove his pickup truck onto the track, locked the doors and walked the rest of the way to work. Cars could get by, but trains could not.
A crewman from a halted freight train telephoned police and complained the truck was blocking their path.
Police traced Miller through the pickup’s license number and convinced him to move his truck after the train had to wait 20 minutes.
Police declined to give Miller a ticket.
7081 Return Call At 3 P.M.
A college professor answered his telephone at 3:00 A.M. “This is your neighbor, Mr. Smith,” said the voice. “Your dog is barking and keeping me awake.” The professor thanked him kindly and hung up. The next morning Mr. Smith’s telephone rang at exactly 3 A.M. “This is the professor,” said the caller. “I just wanted you to know that I don’t have a dog!”
—The Bible Friend
7082 Better Be Hit By Pie
Seattle, Wash. (AP)—Faced with a choice between a libel suit or surrendering a reporter to be hit with a pie, the University of Washington daily newspaper opted for pie.
At issue was a file photograph of Diane Cheap, a 1970 graduate, as she received a debating award. It was reprinted in the daily’s April 16 issue to illustrate John Snell’s column poking fun at beauty contests.
Mrs. Cheap, now a high school teacher, said through her attorney and former debate partner, Arthur D. McCarry, that the article was libelous, slanderous and made her the subject of ridicule among her students.
She threatened a 1,000-dollar libel suit unless the daily agreed to turn over the person responsible to be hit with a custard pie.
The daily consulted with college lawyers who said her case looked pretty solid. So on Wednesday afternoon, Snell, McGarry and Mrs. Cheap held a brief ceremony outside the communications building.
Mrs. Cheap, switching from custard to chocolate cream at the minute, piled on a massive helping of whipped cream and let fly.
“If this makes her feel better, it’s cool,” said Snell.
“I’ve had clients who have gotten more money out of a settlement but not more satisfaction,” McGarry said.
7083 “Got To Do Something First”
This happened in Kentucky. A man by the name of Lucien served the state of Kentucky “beyond the call of duty.” One day he discovered that an old friend Sam was in the penitentiary and had eight more years to serve. Lucien went to the warden and asked if he might talk to Sam. They talked for nearly two hours. Finally they were both laughing at some incidents in their youth, for they had been reared together.
A month later Lucien visited the Governor. “I haven’t been able to sleep. Sam, my boyhood buddy, is in prison. He was a good boy, Governor, and since you told me that if there was anything Kentucky could do for me to name it, I came here to ask if a pardon might be granted. I’ll take him into my business and into my home, for he has no family, and I have a big house.”
A week later the Governor sent for Lucien and said: “Here’s the pardon, but it’s yours under one condition; that is, that you sit down in the warden’s office and talk with Sam for two more hours. Then if you think you should give him the pardon, take Sam home. I will parole him to you.”
He hurried over to the penitentiary and again they sat down in the warden’s office. Lucien said, “Sam, when you get out of here, will you go into business with me? I might even get you out of here sooner than you expect.”
Sam got up and walked around awhile, looked out of the window, then said, “I don’t believe I could accept that invitation, for I’ve got something to do when I get out of here, something very important. I’m going to do it just as soon as I get out of here.”
“What is it, Sam?” Lucien asked.
Sam turned around, the fire glinted from his eyes, hatred filled his whole face as he said, “I am going to get two men together—the judge who sent me up here and one witness—and I’m going to kill them both with my bare hands.”
Lucien left the warden’s office, and tore up that pardon.
7084 Front-Page Obituary
President Roosevelt’s favorite story was about the commuter from Westchester Country, a Republican stronghold, who always walked into his station, handed the newsboy a quarter, picked up the New York Herald Tribune, glanced at the front page and then handed it back as he rushed out to catch his train. Finally the newsboy, unable to control his curiosity any longer, asked his customer why he only glanced at the front page.
“I’m interested in the obituary notices,” said the customer.
“But they’re way over on page 24, and you never look at them,” the boy objected.
“Boy,” said the tycoon, “the _____ I’m interested in will be on page one, all right!”
—George E. Allen
7085 “Soy Sauce” Robber
Tokyo (AP)—Police announced Saturday the arrest of a burglar who poured soy sauce or salad oils on beds and around living quarters in homes where he found nothing worth stealing.
Police said they responded to a telephoned report of a break-in and caught Yukio Nakamura, 35, trying to flee over a fence with stolen goods. He had been burglarizing homes in the Tokyo area at nights, they added, and after his arrest told officers of his custom of pouring sauce and oil around beds in homes where he was dissatisfied.
7086 Watching That Tomb
In the olden times, in Florence, if an assassin could contrive to eat a sop of bread and wine at the grave of the murdered man within nine days after the murder, he was free from the vengeance of the family; and to prevent this they kept watch at the tomb.
—Longfellow
7087 She Prayed For Rain
A pious but cranky old lady was greatly annoyed because her neighbors forgot to ask her to go on their picnic.
On the morning of the event they suddenly realized their affront and sent a little boy to ask her to come along.
“It’s too late now,” she snapped. “I’ve already prayed for rain.”
—Sunday School Times
7088 Confucius And Stone Thrower
Once Confucius went hiking in the hills, and he sent his disciple Tzelu to fetch some water. Tzelu was set upon by a tiger at the mountain stream. After a fierce struggle he succeeded in killing the beast by first grabbing its tail.
When he returned with the water he brought back the tail tucked away as a trophy. He was anxious to boast of his feat, but first he asked Confucius: “How does the higher man kill a tiger?” The Master said, “The higher man kills a tiger by aiming at its head.” Then he asked, “How does the middling man kill a tiger?” The Master said, “The middling man kills a tiger by taking hold of its ears.” Again he asked, “How does the lower man kill a tiger?” The Master said, “The lower man kills a tiger by grabbing at its tail.” Tzelu, abashed, turned and discarded the tiger tail.
He was chagrined at Confucius, and he reasoned thus: “The Master sent me for water in the mountain, knowing there was a tiger lurking by the stream. It was because he wanted to see me killed.” So he tucked away a stone with which he intended to hit Confucius, but first he asked, “How does the higher man kill a man?” The Master said, “The higher man kills a man with his pen.” Then he asked, “How does the middling man kill a man?” The Master said, “The middling man kills a man with his tongue. Finally, he asked, “How does a lower man kill a man?” The Master said: “The lower man kills a man with a stone.” Tzelu turned around and sheepishly tossed away the stone, and his heart was convinced.
—Chinese Humor
7089 Both Heads Under The Wheels
A wasp settled on a snake’s head and tormented it by continually stinging. The snake, maddened with the pain and not knowing how else to be revenged on its tormentor, put its head under the wheel of a wagon, so that they both perished together.
—Fables of Aesop
7090 Khruschev And The Right Cheek
Soviet Premier Khrushchev, on visiting Rouen Cathedral: “There is much in Christ that is in common with us Communists, but I cannot agree with Him when He says when you are hit on the right cheek turn the left cheek. I believe in another principle. If I am hit on the left cheek I hit back on the right cheek so hard that the head might fall off. This is my sole difference with Christ.”
—New York Times
7091 Louis XIV Eats His Words
“Let the people eat grass,” said Louis XIV of France, of the starving hordes who were clamoring for bread, and in a few years the people dragged his son to execution with his mouth stuffed full of grass.
—Samuel Carruthers
7092 Epigram On Vengeance
• Revenge does not long remain unrevenged.
—German Proverb
• He that diggeth a pit shall fall into it.
—Japanese Proverb
• Blowing out the other fellow’s candle won’t make yours shine any brighter.
—P. K. Sideliner
• The most complete revenge is not to imitate the aggressor.
—Marcus Aurelius
• He who injured you was either stronger or weaker. If he was weaker, spare him; if he was stronger, spare yourself.
—Seneca
See also: Anger ; Judgment .