The Fundamentals of Friendship – Proverbs 18:24 – Bible study
The Fundamentals of Friendship.
Proverbs 18:24
Cooper P Abrams III
INTRO: There is a lot said about love. Yet, on examination,most of the love that is talked about would be better called”physical attraction.”
1. The basis of any good relationship is true biblical love. This love is often misunderstood because it is confused withemotion. Love will cause emotion and emotional caring and loveis important and we all need to feel it,because God made us thatway, . . . but true biblical love is not based on emotion.
Missionary to Africa, Russell Champlin, said when he wasin school he learned this definition:
“Love is a desire for and a delight in the well being ofthe one loved; leading to active and a self sacrificing effort oftheir behalf.”
Biblical love is based on God’s grace. Grace is unmeritedfavor. In other words, God in His own heart decided to that Hewanted the very best of us. He choose to care for us as Rom. 5:8,says “when we were still in our sins.” God choose to love us,not based upon some goodness or trait he liked in us, but becausehe cared for our well being and future. Thus, God’s grace is anexpression of his will….to love us, because he choose too.
Any true lasting relationship must be based on grace. Amarriage must be based on grace, as well as friendships. Nomarriage will last unless the couple are friends! You wife/husband should be your best friend.
God made us to need one another. When we fail in ourrelationship and fail to exercise biblical grace and love one toanother we become lonely and loneliness is a terrible condition.
2. Each of us needs the others. It is important in ourfamilies and in our church.
I. There are two types of loneliness.
A. First, there is a loneliness that occurs when we are isolated from our husband/wife, families and friends.
B. Second, and worse there is EMOTIONAL loneliness. This is a loneliness that can occur in the midst of a crowd. This is the most common type of loneliness. It occurs when we feelwe have no one to share our deepest concerns, no one who trulyunderstands our struggles or our joys.
1. The solution to the problem of loneliness is friendship.All human beings both need and crave friendship. We needsomeone who will rejoice with us or cry with us, someone who willcomfort us when we crawl through valleys of despair or laugh withus on the mountaintops of happiness.
We need someone who is an ever present companionthrough the ins and outs of the daily grind, someone we can always
count on. In fact, friendships can be our most valuablepossessions. The poet, Emily Dickenson, wrote “My friends aremy estate.”
2. Every human being needs friendships on two differentlevels. Note again our text!
C. We need HORIZONTAL friendships. We need deepmeaningful friendships with other people. The proverb says, “Aman that hath friends must shew himself friendly.” (Prov. 18:24)
In other words, we have to work on building friendships.Do you work on building friendships with others or let it happen?
True friendship is not one sided. Many are looking forfriends who will help them, meet their need, be a friend to them,listen to their problems, be sympathetic and love them. They areseeking a selfish friendship in which they receive friendship….butoften this is a one-sided affair.
Often people do not find the friends they want and remain lonely and wonder why? The KEY is in this verse. To have friends we must show ourselves to be friendly.
This is not just being friendly, but it means we unselfishlygive support and friendship to others. We befriend other people. To find true friends we must UNSELFISHLY give ourselves toothers.
Let me emphasize the that true friendship is not basedon getting, but giving. Many people have a hard time findingtrue friendship because they are looking for what someone can dofor them. They want people to love and care for them….and theyfail because that is not the basis of true friendship. True friendshipis like God’s grace….and His love it is giving unmerited favor tosomeone and first and fore most wanting to meet their need, tohelp them, to comfort them.
In giving friendship it is returned. The satisfaction offriendship…is in being a friend to others. . . .
D. We need a VERTICAL friendship. The basis of anysound lasting relationship begins with a relationship with ourCreator and God. The second part of our verse says, “There isa friend that sticketh closer than a brother.” That friend isJesus Christ. Unless you have a personal friendship with Jesus,you’ll never escape loneliness. Exodus 33:11 says,
“And the LORD spake unto Moses face to face, as a man speaketh unto his friend.”
James 2:23 says, “And the scripture was fulfilled whichsaith, Abraham believed God, and it was imputed unto himfor righteousness: and he was called the Friend of God.”
Jesus said to His disciples in John 15:15, ” Henceforth Icall you not servants; for the servant knoweth not what hislord doeth: but I have called you friends; for all things that Ihave heard of my Father I have made known unto you.”
E. I want to give you the blueprint for a lasting friendship.In fact, let’s examine ten characteristics of genuine friendship.
II. Friends Listen. You see that takes effort does it. It isunselfishly listening to others. We want to tell people about ourproblems, but instead we unselfishly listen to others.
A. Genuine friends have open ears.
1. Many people are self-centered. They only want to talk about themselves. They don’t listen when you speak because they are too busy thinking of what they will say next.
2. A true friend will listen when you speak. He wants to understand how you feel and what concerns you. He wants to help.
B. Because Jesus is our friend, He listens to us.
1. He said in Psalm 91:15 “He shall call upon me, and I will answer him: I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him, and honour him.”
2. Isaiah 65:24 says of Him, “And it shall come to pass, that before they call, I will answer; and while they are yet speaking, I will hear. “
3. He said in Luke 11:9 “And I say unto you, Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you. “
4. James 5:16 reminds us “The effective, fervent prayer ofa righteous man availteth much.”
III. Friends Share Interests. A true friend puts others first andis unselfish in doing so. A true friend will put their interests aside help the one who needs their friendship.
A. Genuine friends always find common ground with us.
1. Sometimes God brings special friends into our lives whohave much in common with us.
2. Though you may have friend with whom you have nocommon interest, your best friends have something in commonwith you.
B. Because Jesus is our friend, He sought common groundwith us.
1. Jesus found common ground by becoming one of us. He loved us so much He became one of us. Philippians 2:7 says that He “made Himself of no reputation, took upon himself theform of a servant, made in the likeness of men.”
2. In fact, when He came, He not only limited His power as God, He endured every possible frustration and pain of man.
- Hebrews 4:15, “For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin.”/p>
C. Can you see how this would work out in our familiesand in our church.
Often we do not concern ourselves with the spouse orfamily. We let them be a part of what we want to do. This is aselfish relationship.
In our churches. A pastor friend of mine some months ago told me of a man who had attended the church for many years. He left and went to another church. He told the pastor that his needs were not being met there. Yet, I went to the church myself for many years and He and his wife had only a partly relationship with the church. They did not participate in most of the activities. They were members of the church, but people knew they were not really committed to it.
I predict they will in time after the newness is worn off, find that their new church did not meet their needs either. Can you see why?
IV. Friends Protect. Instead of wanting and seekingprotection for ourselves….we freely offer it unselfishly to others. We put their needs first.
A. Genuine friends always look out for us.
1. Walter Winchell has said, “A friend is one who walks in when others walk out.”
2. Jonathan was a genuine friend to King David. When Jonathan’s father, Saul, planned to kill David, Jonathan warned him and helped him escape.
3. How do good friends protects us?
a. They know how to keep private things private.
Proverbs 17:9 says, “He that covereth a transgression seeketh love, But he who repeateth a matter separateth very friends.”
Proverbs 16:28 says, “A forward (perverse) man soweth
strife, And a whisperer separateth the best of friends.”
b. They will not allow others to speak badly of us. I
recently read of a mother who decked another mother because shemade fun of her handicapped child. If necessary, they fight for us.
B. Because Jesus is our friend, He protects us.
He protects us today. Psalm 125:2 says, “As the mountains round about Jerusalem, So the Lord is around about his people from henceforth and even forever.” Psalm 34:7 says, “The angel ofthe LORD encampeth all around those who fear Him, And delivereth them.”
V. Friends Tell the Truth. That too is an unselfish act. We care enough to be honest and seek to offer true help. Jesus Christ does that for us. He tells us that we are sinners that we might find salvation. “For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life.”
- A. Genuine friends are always honest with us.
- 1. Oscar Wilde wrote, “A true friend always stabs you inthe front.”
Proverbs 27:6 says “Faithful are the wounds of a friend,But the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.”
2. Sometimes we need to be told the truth. I think that’swhat Paul had in mind when he admonished the Ephesians to”speak the truth in love” (Ephesians 4:15).
a. We need to be told when we’ve offended someone.
b. We need to be told when we’ve made mistakes.
c. We need to be told the truth when we are about to
make bad decisions.
3. A true friend, “speaking the truth in love” will risk beingliked in order to help you.
B. Because Jesus is our friend, He deals with us in lovinghonesty.
- 1. Have you ever noticed how the Word of God cuts.Hebrews 4:12 says, “For the word of God [is] quick, andpowerful, and sharper than any twoedged sword, piercingeven to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of thejoints and marrow, and [is] a discerner of the thoughts andintents of the heart. “
2. He speaks to us through the Word, through the Spiritand through counsel.
3. Sometimes the truth hurts. But the truth of Jesus is likea surgeon’s scalpel. It cuts to heal.
VI. Friends Overlook Faults. You see true friendship is aboutothers…..not ourselves. How many of us have faults…..? RAISE YOUR HANDS….
- A. Genuine friends accept us, warts and all.
- 1. A lady named Dinah Craik wrote a poem about calledFriendship:
O, the comfort – the inexpressible comfort of feelingsafe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts, normeasure words – but pouring them right out – just as they are- chaff and grain together – Certain that a faithful hand willtake and sift them – Keep what is worth keeping – And withthe breath of kindness blow the rest away.
How many of you would want such a friend…..?
2. Someone said you can tell a real friend by the fact thatwhen you’ve made a fool of yourself he doesn’t feel you’ve donea permanent job.
3. This friendship is rare. Most are looking for whatthey can get in a friend. We want people who look likeus….are a credit to us and certainly would never embarrass us. The rich look for the rich, the well dressed look for those thatdress well too and fit into their social circles.
But…the true is that kind of relationship is built onhypocrisy isn’t it.
Do you see how important is friendship in our church? As we seek to reach the lost….it is vital that we offer freely ourfriendship, without any selfish reasons…
B. Because Jesus is our friend, He overlooks our faults.
- 1. Many people have the false idea that when a personcomes to Jesus, he must first clean up his life.
2. Jesus accepts just where your are. During His personalministry, He associated with the dregs of society. The religiousestablishment gave Him the title “friend of sinners.” He wore itlike a Medal of Honor.
3. Don’t misunderstand. He doesn’t condone your sin. Hehates your sin. He wants to take your sin away. He’s the only onewho can clean up your life.
VII. Friends Bear Burdens. A true friend unselfishly takes theburden of others on themselves.
- A. Genuine friends help you carry your load.
- 1. Often, life hands us great “burdens”: loss of a job, ahandicap, poor health, loss of a loved one, etc… A true friendhelps your carry that load.
2. Paul wrote in Galatians 6:2 “Bear one another’sburdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.”
3. Solomon said, “A friend loves at all times, And abrother is born for adversity” (Proverbs 17:17).
B. Because Jesus is our friend, He takes our burden uponHimself.
- 1. One of my favorite passages is 1 Peter 5:7. Here we aretold to “cast all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.”
2. Remember His great invitation “Come to Me, all youwho labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. TakeMy yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle andlowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For Myyoke is easy and My
burden is light” (Matthew 11:28-30).
VIII. Friends Are Loyal.
- A. A friend is someone you can always count on.
- ILLUS: A farmer was detained for questioning about an electionscandal. “Did you sell your vote?” the attorney asked. “No sir,not me,” the farmer protested. “I voted for that there fellah ’causeI liked him.” “Come, now,” threatened the attorney. “I haveevidence that he gave you fifty dollars for a vote.” “Well, now,”the farmer said, “it’s plain common sense that when a fellah givesyou fifty dollars you like him.”
B. Because Jesus is our friend, we can always count onHim.
- 1. He said, He would never leave us or forsake us.
2. Luke 15 records the story of the prodigal son. When allhis friends deserted the boy, His father accepted him.
VIII. Friends Bring out our Best.
- A. Genuine friends always want what is best for us.
- 1. Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, So a mansharpens the countenance of his friend.”
2. A true friend always encourages you to do your best.
B. Because Jesus is our friend, He brings out our best.
- 1. He causes all things to work for our good, “And weknow that all things work together for good to those who loveGod, to those who are the called according to His purpose”(Romans 8:28).
2. Even the trials that we go through make us better. James1:2-3 says,
“Count it all joy when you fall into divers temptations,(various trials), knowing this, that the trying of your faithworketh patience.”
IX. Friends Build us Spiritually.
- A. Genuine friends want you to become more like Christ.
- 1. Someone once said, “A friend is one who knows you asyou are, understands where you’ve been, accepts who you’vebecome and still gently invites you to grow.”
2. Your best friends aren’t necessarily those you play withor shop with.
They are those who pray for you and lovingly guide youspiritually. A true friend is not necessarily the one you play withbut the one you pray with.
B. Because Jesus is our friend, He wants us to growspiritually.
X. Friends Love.
- A. Genuine friends express their love in word and most clearlyin deed.
B. Jesus’ greatest expression of love was His death.
He Himself said, “Greater love has no one than this, than tolay down one’s life for his friends” (John 15:13).
Conclusion:
Why is it hard for some people to find a true friend?
Most times they reason is they motives are selfish…..They arelooking for someone to give them friendship….not muchinterested in being a friend….
- 1. Are you the friend of God? What is your relationshipwith Him, who is your Creator and God.
2. Are you accepting the friendship of God? “While youwere still in your sins, Christ died for you.”
3. “God so loved the world, that he gave his only begottenSon, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” (John 3:16)
4. If you are saved, what is your relationship with othersaround you. That includes your wife, husband, children, family,friends, fellow workers, etc. Your relationship with others isa good measuring stick of your relationship with God Afriend of God will be a good friend to have….
5. If your attitude is not one of forgiving, of beingunselfish, and not thinking about yourself, then you have aspiritual problem.
If your relationship with others is not as it should be, theplace to get it right is at the altar of God. It begins with prayingand confessing your sins, and then asking God for forgiveness anda change of heart.
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