Matthew 19:5-6 – Keeping A Marriage Together – Bible study

Matthew 19:5-6 Keeping A Marriage Together This morning we continue our series on marriage. This morning, we tackle a very important topic. How do we keep our marriage together? We can know how to start a marriage and even what it may take to rekindle one, but what is the key to keeping a marriage together to begin with? I will give you the entire message in one word. In fact, the word is found both in our text and in the message title. The key to keeping a marriage together is TOGETHERNESS. Would you notice that in our text, God has joined the man and the woman TOGETHER. 1. There is a joining TOGETHER of the man and the woman by God Himself. 2. I am not certain how God means this. a. The word used here is the word "flesh," meaning the skin or the body. b. So are married couples literally joined in the flesh to each other? Well, Kathy and I have been married 36 years and she is sitting down there while I am standing up here. c. Of course, we know while the physically union between a man and a woman is a gift from God, God does not actually do the joining. d. Rather it is a private joining between the two of their own choosing. 3. Trying to consider this from all angles, I wonder if God is meaning that He has joined them together SPIRITUALLY in this life, woven them together with some unseen spiritual bond. a. If so, then in this life, this couple becomes one spiritual unit, one spiritual family, one spiritual home. b. God no longer deals with that couple on an individual basis, but on the bases of the unit. (1) When God chooses to answer or reject a pray, He looks at both. (2) When God chooses to meet a need or teach a lesson, He looks at both. (3) When God chooses to give a blessing or a curse, He looks at both. 4. I think there is some Scriptural truth in this understanding. a. \#Mal 2:14\ God says that He has been a witness of how Jewish husbands had mistreated their wives. b. \#Mal 2:12-13\ God says that because of this, He had left some of the men "cut off" (I take it that means dead) and others weeping upon the altar. c. I dont believe God blesses individuals of marriage in areas of health, prosperity, and general blessing, but that He blesses the COUPLE. (1) Men, if you are tried of losing jobs, being sick, having possession tear up, get stolen, come up missing, having bills you cant paymaybe you need to consider how you are treating your wife. (2) Ladies, if you are tired of being sick, depression, discouraged, having relationship problems with everyone and their sister, maybe you need to consider how you are treating your husband. 5. Regardless, on some level, God has joined the two TOGETHER. 6. What we must understand is that on other levels, it is up to us to join ourselves together. a. We must come together in will, in our emotions, in our desires, even in our bodies. b. These are areas that God does not automatically join us. c. With work and effort, we must learn TOGETHERNESS. Let us consider what TOGETHERNESS in marriage means. I. A lack of TOGETHERNESS brings bitterness and strife. Ge 25:20 And Isaac was forty years old when he took Rebekah to wife, the daughter of Bethuel the Syrian of Padanaram, the sister to Laban the Syrian. 21 And Isaac intreated the LORD for his wife, because she was barren: and the LORD was intreated of him, and Rebekah his wife conceived. 22 And the children struggled together within her; and she said, If it be so, why am I thus? And she went to enquire of the LORD. 23 And the LORD said unto her, Two nations are in thy womb, and two manner of people shall be separated from thy bowels; and the one people shall be stronger than the other people; and the elder shall serve the younger. 24 And when her days to be delivered were fulfilled, behold, there were twins in her womb. 25 And the first came out red, all over like an hairy garment; and they called his name Esau. 26 And after that came his brother out, and his hand took hold on Esaus heel; and his name was called Jacob: and Isaac was threescore years old when she bare them. 27 And the boys grew: and Esau was a cunning hunter, a man of the field; and Jacob was a plain man, dwelling in tents. 28 And Isaac loved Esau, because he did eat of his venison: but Rebekah loved Jacob. A. Here is a couple that was not together. 1. If you continue reading, you will see how that works. 2. Each parent was trying to advance their "favorite" child above the other. 3. In the end, their home became divided, bitter. Ge 27:41 And Esau hated Jacob because of the blessing wherewith his father blessed him: and Esau said in his heart, The days of mourning for my father are at hand; then will I slay my brother Jacob. 4. Alienation set in, not just between the parents, but between the childrenand in this case, it is still going on today! B. So it is with marriage today. 1. Marriages that do not learn TOGETHERNESS, either disintegrate all together, or limp along with anger and bitterness. a. We all know that around 50% of the new marriages end in divorce, but how many marriages are actually happy marriages? b. One source said that in 1974, 54% of first marriages were happy marriages; but in 1996, the number has shrunk to 38%. That would be roughly 1/3. http://www.divorcepeers.com/stats37.htm 2. Interestingly, marriages that report the greatest level of happiness, are marriages that experienced the most dramatic turnaround. a. Almost 8 out of 10 who avoided divorce were happily married 5 years later. b. Conversely, on average unhappily married adults who divorced, whether staying single or remarrying, were no happier than unhappily married adults who stayed married. c. In other words, you either learn the key of TOGETHERNESS or you NEVER get much happiness out of life! d Three out of four unhappily married adults are married to someone who is happy with the marriage. If you are not practicing TOGETHERNESS, things may not be as well with your marriage as you think! http://brokenheartonhold.com/Statistics.shtml C. The society we live in today is not conducive for TOGETHERNESS. 1. Most couples have separate careers. While that it is not so unusual, with work demanding so much more of us than ever before, having separate careers can really pull at a couple today. 2. With separate jobs, most have separate coworkers which means they have two totally separate fields of friends. 3. In some cases, couples work separate shifts. It may be for the sake of having at least one parent available to the children during more of the day, but it still separates the couple. 4. In order to save time, couples often completely divide the chores and responsibilities of the home between them. Working separately may save time, but it also separates interests. 5. Couples may have different hobbies, interests, and activities which moves them in separate directions. 6. The separation between couples can get very personal. a. Some couples have separate televisions so they can watch separate programming at the same time. b. Some couples have separate beds. c. Some even have separate bedrooms. D. Some married couples rarely even see each other! 1. I recently heard of a couple, both divorced from their first mates, who married with each one of them keeping their first residence. a. What makes it humorous is that the house are located in separate cities and the each partner actually lives in their own house! b. One goes to visit the other one once or twice a week as they have time. c. Folks, when you believe the key to having a successful marriage is NOT BEING TOGETHER VERY MUCH, you have a major problem. 2. We have a lot of truckers who stay at the Greystone to load and deliver cars out of the plant. a. I heard one trucker telling someone else at breakfast the other morning that his job (being on the road) had cost him his wife, his children, his home, and his money. b. It is interesting that he lost all of those things but he is still a trucker. c. Seems like it would have been cheaper for him and left him more happy to given up his job and kept the others. E. The key to keeping a marriage together is TOGETHERNESS. II. In what areas do we need to be TOGETHER. I can give you some ideas. A. We need to be TOGETHER in our THINKING. 1. Whether Christian or not, every couple needs to think TOGETHER on the important issues of everyday life. However, there are a lot more of these topics for Christians. 2. Couples need to think TOGETHER on finances. a. Finances is one of the most stressful topics among married partners. b. Why? It is not just because some couples have too many bills and too little money. c. Quite often, this is because one is making more bills than the other thinks is necessary. 3. They need to think TOGETHER on child rearing. a. The Bible gives us the example of Isaac and Rebekah to demonstrate the importance of couples being united in training up their children. b. Children are smarter than adults think! c. If there is a crack in your TOGETHERNESS, children will exploit it to their benefit. 4. They need to think TOGETHER on worship. a. This one is important enough that God even mentions it in the Bible. 2Co 6:14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? 15 And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel? b. The context here is that both need to be on the same page concerning salvation. c. But we also need to be on the same page concerning: (1) the Bible (2) worship (3) church 5. In the same vein, couples need to think TOGETHER concerning lifestyle. a. Again, this is important to all couples but it becomes even more important to Christians. b. What things are right and what things are wrong? c. What things are just worldly and what things are too worldly? B. We need to be TOGETHER in our ACTIVITIES. 1. Couples need to VACATION TOGETHER. 2. Couples need to eat MEALS TOGETHER. 3. Couples need to have HOBBIES TOGETHER. 4. Couples might even need to SHOP TOGETHER. 5. Couples might need to do YARD WORK TOGETHER. 6. Couples might could PAY THEIR BILLS TOGETHER. 7. Couples could PLAY GAMES TOGETHER. 8. The more activities couple do together, the more in common they will have and the more TOGETHERNESS they will develop. C. We need to be TOGETHER in our GOALS. 1. We should be together in our goals of service for the Lord. 2. We should be together in our goals for our own education and careers. 3. We should be together in our goals for our childrens education. 4. We should be together in our goals for our retirement. III. How do we develop togetherness? A. There are no easy shortcuts. 1. No magic wands. 2. No magic Bible verses. 3. No magic prayers. B. You both must see the need! 1. If you both see, ask God to help you join yourselves together. 2. If only one of you sees it, ask God to show your mate the need. C. After you start doing some serious praying, 1. Talk! – You cant join yourselves together if you want communicate. 2. DO! – Start doing things together. Follow some of the examples I gave in the last messages. 3. BEND and BLEND! – The only way two individuals will become one is to bend in some areas and blend in some others. IV. What should be our goal in TOGETHERNESS. A. Well, we know that we cant do everything together. 1. Time would not allow it if our desire would. 2. In fact, I think we need to practice some times of separation as well. 3. We are still individuals and sometimes everyone needs some "self" time. B. However, we should be TOGETHER enough that our lives are INCOMPLETE without the OTHER. 1. The key to a successful marriage is to BUILD A LIFE TOGETHER. 2. Married couples SHOULD NOT BE CONTENT TO ENDURE LONG PERIODS A PART. 3. There should be a longing to be with our mates. 4. There should be an anticipation at being with our mates. 5. There should be an enjoyment at being with our mates. 6. And there should be a need to do things together. 7. Things just should not work without our other! I am reminded of a quote I read a few years ago. It used to be that parents were apt to have a lot of kids. Now-a-days, kids are apt to have a lot of parents. You and I can change that. We can make our marriages lastand not just out of obligation to obey the Bible, but with joy and happiness. The key is TOGETHERNESS. It will take time and effort, but the payoff is tremendous, both in this life and the life to come.